How long to be together before ....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DreamDemon, Sep 23, 2005.

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How long to wait before proposing?

  1. 1 year or less

    2 vote(s)
    3.3%
  2. 1-2 years

    10 vote(s)
    16.7%
  3. 2-5 years

    40 vote(s)
    66.7%
  4. 5+ years

    8 vote(s)
    13.3%
  1. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    I was thinking the other day that maybe some of the reason that certain relationships don't work out is because one party waits too long to "pop the question" and slowly the excitement trickles out of the relationship. I was wondering what you people thought.

    I know this isn't necessarily true, but say after a year and a half, you both are really happy, and there's still the butterflies in your stomach every time you see him/her, and things are "normal" and you've had a healthy relationship for this long, then that's a good time to propose. (Being that you're not a couple of high schoolers or maybe even college kids...Saying that you're a mature adult.) I imagine that as time goes on and things settle down and you become more and more comfortable with each other, and maybe the passion dies away, replaced by a deeper love, every time you look at that big (or not so) shining rock on your finger you are taken back to the day you got it, and how it felt. The butterflies come back-- and you can't help but smile.

    So guys and gals... share your experiences and thoughts. How long did you or would you wait before popping the question/before getting engaged? If you got married, are you together now?
     
  2. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    No rush in my opinion. If I propose to my current girlfriend, it won't be for at least another six years. We've been dating for a little over a year and we've known each other for five years. Basically, I'd know her for over a decade before asking her to marry me. That's driven by two things: 1) We're both busy (school, career, etc). and 2) Even after all this time, I feel like there's so much more to her that I don't know and I want to get to know her better before such a commitment is made.

    It's different for all people though. My friends are racing each other to the altar and have gotten hitched immediately after graduation. Personally, I would not feel comfortable getting married so quickly after a major life event such as the end of college, especially when they've been dating their "other" for less than two years.
     
  3. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater New Member

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    I don't think there is any specific time period that is necessarily "right". It's gonna be different for different people. A year and a half could definitely be long enough if you're a mature adult.

    My personal opinion is that there's no need to rush it. If you're going to be spending the rest of your life with that person, what's the point in rushing into marriage? They will still be there 6 months from now. But if you're really ready and you know for sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with the person, then go for it.
     
  4. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    it all depends on the people involved.
    some need a long time while others know and feel it within a year or so.

    being in the military i have noticed that people get married alot sooner...we dont have the luxury of being able to date someone for 5+ years before deciding whether or not to propose. usually we are being moved within 3 years
     
  5. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    It depends who it is and how fast you fall into deep true love. How well you work together ( part and counterpart ).

    Some people can go 6 months and know it is the right person for the rest of their lives, others 6 years and they still don't know.
     
  6. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    Something as full on as proposing is not black and white.
     
  7. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    Here's some food for thought. You can date for however long and get to know someone. You can have the best time with them. You two can get along so well, it makes other couples sick but you two are on cloud nine. You can be like this for the entire time you're dating. But if your relationship is relatively short, say less than two years, you have very little chance of observing how your partner changes. You won't be living with who they are but rather, who they will become. What I'm getting at is, regardless of how well you mesh now, your relationship will hinge on how well you two change together. How will you react to their changing and vice versa.
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    If people were to follow that theory, nobody would EVER get married. People don't change; but relationships constantly evolve. That's just all there is to it -- you gotta suck it up and be willing to take an educated/calculated risk.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Doesn't matter as long as you really get to know them and be honest to yourself about who they truly are. Relationships don't work out because people build up their partners too much. What attracted them to each other is what ends up destroying the relationship. If you can look at each others faults and not try to change anything, maybe it can work
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    there is no set time i have to be with someone before i accept a proposal, given the fact that i'm in love with them.

    however, marriage is an extreme step imo (i'm still not too gung-ho about the iderer). that said, it's not that i wouldn't consider it had i met the right person, but there are many things that i believe come before marriage: completing school (at least bachelors), finding a career, becoming financially stable... i am 99.94% :)mamoru: ) sure that i wouldn't negotiate those. i just think there's an order to things, especially marriage. why bring someone else into your life when you don't even have your OWN shit together. it makes no sense to me. oh, and if you think i'm going to accept (ie marry into) a guys 203942340238402 dollar debt, you got another thing coming! :eek3:
     
  11. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    I was discussing that with a girl the other day. Thats why its so hard to find the "right one" now days. The requiremnts are just too damn high. It sucks but its necessary.
     
  12. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    I do agree with you guys. I guess the point that I was getting at was I would rather get engaged at a time when we were truely happy with each other before life started getting in the way-- no matter if it was 8 months, or 6 years...

    Life will get in the way and you will be faced with challenges no matter what, but then you always have that little reminder that things will get better-- and how happy you were when you got engaged. See what I'm saying?
     
  13. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    I think it's different for everyone but I'd say an average is around 2-5 years of dating.

    I just want to add that my brother has dated his girlfriend for almost 7 years and he's just now figuring out that they're not right at all for each other.

    :hsugh:
     
  14. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    qft.

    Different in every case, go with what you feel not any predefined length or average.
     
  15. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    been there, done that... same amount of time... better now than later though

    the difference between your brother's case and mine is that i've always known that the said guy and i weren't right for each other
     
  16. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Why did you bother with the relationship then chica? Just wanted an emotional attachment and/or sex? You may have missed out on opportunities with people who may have been right for you because you were attached during this time?
     
  17. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd: that sounds out of character for a level-headded person like you (usually) are. :hsugh:
     
  18. CelesteLeSonne

    CelesteLeSonne DEWmocracy

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    depends on the couple
    my SO proposed to me after a couple months, but we'll be engaged for over a year before we marry.
     
  19. Triple-C

    Triple-C New Member

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    wheres the poll option for "doesnt matter as long as you KNOW" ???

    sometimes time is an issue but in all reality, its how you FEEL... time should never be a deciding factor... my dad proposed to my mom after 6 months.. they were engaged for 2 yrs, but still, they GOT engaged after only 6 months.... and 30 years later theyre still married and still lovey dovey like teenagers ...
     
  20. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    good question...lemme explain ;)

    for starters, let me say that i did genuinely love him ;) we were never exclusively together. i live 1500 miles away, and had for a good half (3 years)of the "relationship." we were VERY close and open with each other despite the distance.

    sex was not a big factor, as we didn't start having sex until year 7 of our knowing each other/relationship.

    everyone thought that we'd eventually get married, but from day 1 i knew that we had differences that would keep that from happening.

    and no, i didn't miss out on a thing by being with him. i've actually learned a lot about myself from the experience, and i wouldn't change that at all :)
     
  21. Inthemidstofinsanity

    Inthemidstofinsanity New Member

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    I second that!
     
  22. swenjj

    swenjj New Member

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    couple months for us,with most of that time other sides of the country,but we have stayed married the almost 8 years since then
     
  23. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    Its different in every circumstance. Whats right for one relationship could be horrible for another. It depends on age, future plans, family situations...tons of variables get thrown in. There is no right or wrong.

    Its one of those things you just have to feel out in your own relationship.
     

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