How long should you date before marriage?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Yuppy, Dec 21, 2007.

  1. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    What is the appropriate time line?

    I say around 6-7 years and around year 5 an engagement is appropriate.

    What say you?
     
  2. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    I think it depends on age. Your numbers are fine if you meet in your early 20's but when you are getting into your late 20's and 30's and even beyond it gets more difficult, even moreso if you want to have kids.

    But I think date at least a year before getting engaged no matter the age.
     
  3. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Depends on your age. Earliest should be 6 months.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I dunno. I'm never getting married (without some truly exceptional circumstance).

    I would probably be up for it after a very short period of time, though. I don't mind getting married / divorced a lot. Prenups necessary of course!
     
  5. Sephiroth13

    Sephiroth13 Beginning of the End

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    I'm 28 I've been dating for a year to this wonderful woman. I'm saying 2 to 3 years of dating 1 year of engagement and then get married so a total of 4 to 5 years.
    for the whole shabang.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I don't think a time limit is necessary.

    I think you need to think of things in more of what needs to HAPPEN first rather than putting a time limit on it.

    I would not advise anybody to get married unless the following stuff has happened in your relationship:

    1. You get to know each other inside and out. This means the dirty stuff taht you spend so much time in the beginning trying to hide. The ugly side.

    2. You live together long enough to know each other's living habits.

    3. You agree to a prenup and you discuss things like how you intend to raise your kids, what your religious beliefs are, what your career goals are, and where you want to go in life.

    4. You have had a couple big ugly fights--this is huge. You want to cycle through at LEAST one good cycle of the relationship and then one "low cycle" where things aren't as good and the honeymoon phase has ended. And only IF you start to take another upswing into "good" again do you decide to get married. If you hit a low point, and you don't come out of it, then FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't get married until you do come out of it and you are COMPLETELY happy with each other again.

    I garauntee you that if you let your relationship cycle through these things, you'll stay together forever. Sure, you still have a chance at failing, but by doing these things you greatly reduce the chance of that happening.
     
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Honestly, there's lots of things to affect the time line. Depends on age, where the two people are in their lives. And I also agree with Viper, you should know each other inside and out, including live with them (You REALLY don't know somebody until you live with them). For me I was with the same guy for 2 years, we went through the lowest cycle (we were apart for a year), we are now happily together again and the time apart helped us realize we were meant for each other (we didn't get over each other the whole time). We're engaged now. :)
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I know people who dated the better part of a decade before getting married.
    I actually know a LOT of people in arranged marriages who met on their wedding day (or shortly before)
    I've seen both work out beautifully and i've seen both fail miserably.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2007
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i'd agree with you. :dunno:


    my folks married after three months. whatever works, but i'd err on longer rather than shorter.
     
  10. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Me too. Only because my parents went so badly. I'd date several years before I got married, if I ever did.
     
  11. fray

    fray New Member

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    definitely long enough to live together for a year or two...
     
  12. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    :dunno: my parents dated for 2 years and never lived together. They've been happily married 21 years. And they're still in love :).
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Your parents aren't a good example of this because up until around the mid to late 90's there was always a HUGE stigma with divorce. That stigma isn't there today, but back then you were actually looked DOWN on for getting divorced.

    That stigma kept a lot of people married.
     
  14. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    My aunt is about 2 yrs older than my mom. She's gotten two divorces, on was in the 90's.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    IMO it depends a lot on age. Also, I find it ridiculous that anyone get married before being together at least 2 years.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2007
  16. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    so? even then, thats 10-15 years of being together since divorce was 'acceptable'
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, but a lot of the time it's shit that can be worked out and if you feel you can't just bail at the first sign of hardship, you're more likely to work through your issues.

    My guess would be that, like my parents, if there were any problems they sucked it up and clawed through hell to get through them and came out stronger.

    Of course, I'm just saying. I don't pretend to know the particular situations at hand, but the whole "my PARENTS have been married X amount of years" when marrying quickly isn't a strong arguement.

    My parents have been married 35 years after dating for 6 months. And the first 20 years of their marriage were PURE HELL. But they worked through it. This "stigma" is one of the reasons that my mom attributes to not walking away. Me and my brother were another main reason. She was going to wait until I was 18 (I'm the youngest) and then get divorced. But by that time, they worked through their issues.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My parents are together after being married since age 18 (35 years). They were in love for many many years and even now to the untrained eye people would assume they are ridiculously happy. However, the older I get the more I realize they are just going through the motions of marriage and aren't really happy. It's sad too.
     
  19. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    hey, i also know a handful of couples who have been dating 10-15 years without marrying.



    there's an example out there for everything. essentially, we agree.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2007
  20. eighteen_psi

    eighteen_psi Active Member

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    A time frame measured in years. I'd say 3-5 at least.

    Or this. People take marriage way too lightly today. I come from a religious perspective, sacrament before God and all that. If that's you, it makes sense to wait a good while and get serious. If isn't, why bother with it in the first place lest you end up causing undo turmoil, emotional and financial and all that? If it's meaningful it's worth waiting for. If it isn't, it's not a carrot to be running after ASAP. In neither case does rushing make the least bit of sense to me.

    :dunno:
     
  21. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    what the hell? Are you just trolling?

    I think a couple should get married when they both feel they are in love, ready to be married, mature enough to be married, over their partying years (for the most part), ready to sacrifice a bit of themselves sometimes to be married, do not feel the need to date/have sex with other people, etc.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    How is he trolling? He took a topic from another thread and made a specific thread about it...
     
  23. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Because...it was like 100% of people disagreed with setting a "timeline" like his.

    I can understand that someone can have the opinion that two people who have known each other for a year probably haven't been through enough as a couple to really be ready for marriage...but his opinion is just really extreme that to me it's almost trolling to get people to disagree with him.
     
  24. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    how is it extreme? waiting 5 years? :rofl:
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah but...that's still not considered "trolling." He has a weird view that we might all disagree on...but he wanted to get more opinions so he made a thread about it. Trolling would've been if he stayed in that other thread that wasn't even supposed to be about timeline before marriage and kept bashing everyone's comments that said his ideas were weird.
     

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