how long before you go for the first date? (online dating)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Woodmaster, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. Woodmaster

    Woodmaster New Member

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    was going to post this in the main forum but I'm thinking it would yield some interesting immature results :hsugh: so I decided maybe here is better.. for those that have done the whole online dating thing (I have not) how long do you chat with someone online or phone before you go out? My thing is that I don't want to hear or tell a life story to a woman before I meet her, then there's nothing to talk about on the first date :mamoru:, I still think online dating is fail, and meeting people irl is better but ille try anything once. :noes:
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    right away

    also sitting around talking telling life stories is pretty much the worst first date possible

    first date should be a fun activity. sitting around talking is fucking boring. also dinner as a first date is totally obvious and just lumps you in with the last 9 boring guys who took her to dinner and she never saw again

    taking her on a fun first date will immediately differentiate you from all those other guys
     
  3. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    His advice is solid. Follow it. Do something that makes you stand out.

    It doesn't have to be expensive or any of that shit. Just memorable. Something a bit different.

    Avoid movies. Awkward. Yeah, let's sit next to basically a total stranger for 2 hours.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    cheaper the better

    no dinner, no movies

    personally i would insist on going dutch but thats really up to you. alot of men just find it easier to pay than avoid a confrontation.

    but be aware that times have changed and men paying is an outdated tradition in a post-women's movement world

    you being expected to pay because you have a penis is blatant sexism
     
  5. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    if I invite her out i think I should pay... just no question to me. after 2-3x dates though it's like AIGHT... HALF AND HALF TIME.

    last girl i dated was real good about this...then i've had girls not even OFFER.

    even on the first date i WANT a girl to offer to pay her way, but i'd never let her. but to just say nothing and expect it drives me up the wall
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    that's your choice, but realize when women say this its a total trap, because 99% of the time (there are always exceptions to everything) the MAN is the one doing the inviting

    (how easy is it for her to just say "Oh, well you invited me so you have to pay" when she KNOW FOR A FACT ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE THAT SHE IS GOING AROUND MAKING FIRST DATE INVITATIONS, SO UNDER THIS SCENARIO SHE WILL ALMOST NEVER PAY FOR AN ENTIRE FIRST DATE??)

    so we're still in the same situation of if she EXPECTS you to pay its sexist

    and obviously in this day and age sexism is NOT COOL

    seriously how frequently does a woman invite a man on a first date?

    Dutch from the beginning imo but I can see lots of guys wanting to keep everything smooth and just going ahead and paying.

    I read an article by this guy who lived in NYC who saved like $7,000 in a one-year period just by insisting on going Dutch instead of paying her way on dates.
     
  7. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    I go on a sliding scale.

    I'm comfortble for my age in terms of income. I like good food/shows/whatever. If I'm dating a student then I'll pay most of the time, and it won't be an issue for me. If we are at a similar level then we will be sharing.
     
  8. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It's not a date... it's a first time meeting, hanging out, etc...

    I refrain from using the word date with a girl I barely know.

    For women, hearing or even thinking about the word 'date' can close them up socially, and cause them to shut a guy out and squash any chances he would have hooking up with her. Most girls I know weren't initially attracted to thier SO's, but they hung out with them enough times to begin falling for them.

    Like Yail said you should meet her 'right away', when she is comfortable with meeting you in a public place place. You are just meeting each other for the first time and hanging out. Neither one of you should think of it as a date... it's the best way to avoid that dating pressure.
     
  9. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Yeah, but using "hanging out" can also lead to a much easier friend zoning. At least when the word date is dropped in there your intentions are much clearer.

    Maybe "we should go out on xyz to abc". But we are in semantics here. The important thing is to speak to her, arrange it and do it.
     
  10. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Not when you try to have sex with her...
     
  11. Woodmaster

    Woodmaster New Member

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    Sweet, you guys have some good advice. Glad I posted in the vag forum! I was expecting more along the lines of "where are the fucking nudes?!?" or "fuck her on the first date!" Thanks for the replies. I agree dinner or movies is a bit overdone. Movies are total fail, and I agree that it is one thing you don't want to do if you want to get to know someone. I feel like this is a whole other ballgame wouldn't really even think twice IRL to say something but being online I can see how women would take the "date" thing a different way. Fuck, getting past the barrier of how damn picky women are online is a hurdle in itself. :ugh:So in being creative any suggestions for first meetings? Something fun would be preferred. Was thinking of just going out getting drinks but that's so cliche.
     
  12. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    True. I guess my position comes from Australian language usage rather than US, so i should probably just shut up
     
  13. Woodmaster

    Woodmaster New Member

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    Yeah I would think though that if it was an online thing that it would be more of intended to be a date then leading to the friendszone.
     
  14. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Horseback riding...
     
  15. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Most nice guys get friendzoned because they never try to have sex with the girl... they try to win her over by being nice, which we all know doesn't work.
     
  16. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I should mention that I don't mean forcing yourself on a woman... but trying to excite her sexually so she will open up to the idea of having sex with you.
     
  17. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    No arguements here on that one though.

    Learnt that one a few years back. But I think you can still be nice. You just need to let your intentions be clearly known.
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    the "hanging out" thing can go either way

    Vyision is onto something tho when he says its not a date. You can just go the full-fledged date activity (which is a date of course), or you can meet up for coffee and enough small talk to see if you like each other. Then if both of you are up for it, you can then proceed to the date activity then or some other time.

    Honestly though thats more of a screening-out process than most guys use. David DeAngelo advocates it in Double Your Dating. Personally if I'm very interested in a girl then I don't need to do coffee to figure out if I want to go on a date.

    The one and only time I met a girl for drinks it was a girl I wasn't that sure about and I quickly discovered that I did not want to spend any more time with her.

    Personally I avoid using the word "date" as its redundant. If you invite her on a one-on-one activity its a date UNLESS she stipulates that you are going "as friends" (which of course you would not agree to).

    And then if she brings up the word "date" you can have some fun playfully busting her balls with stuff like "Date? What makes you think this is a date?"
     
  19. Woodmaster

    Woodmaster New Member

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    well put, now I need suggestions of what to do :x:
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    the best date activities are activities that YOU ENJOY so much that you would do them by yourself

    for me the list includes:

    downtown walk

    hike

    bowling

    mini-golf
     
  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Hell, if the girl is hot and seems cool, I'll try to meet the same day we start chatting. Chat for a bit, then get a phone call for a little bit to make sure she's not some tranny or something (plus, a nice voice is attractive), then work on setting up a meeting.

    If you meet somewhere public and have a way to leave at any time, you're fine.

    Why would you wait?
     
  22. Woodmaster

    Woodmaster New Member

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    yeah I agree with that, was thinking of a comedy club, too cold here for outdoor stuff though:o
     
  23. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    First, make sure she is meeting you somewhere she is comfortable and even acknowledge that point in conversation prior to making plans. By comfortable, I mean safe because you're a stranger from the internet. I know she's thinking of places that she would feel safe meeting you at and you can even ask her outright if you like.

    Ice skating could be a fun activity but I am a big fan of meeting for coffee. Very casual, plenty of time to talk.

    I was talking to a lady recently who was "dating" men online and she always wanted to meet for breakfast because there was no expectation of "afterwards". So avoid breakfast meetings ;)
     
  24. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    I went on an online date years and years ago, and we hung out a few times. She was freakin' crazy, though. She also had a boyfriend. WTF?
     
  25. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    like said before, ASAP. Which is pretty much as soon as she feels comfortable that you won't kill her or something.
    The longer you two talk, the less likely you will meet up.
    Or one of you is likely to fall for the other's internet persona instead of their real one.
     

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