How important should sex be in a relationship?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Crazyjester24, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. Crazyjester24

    Crazyjester24 New Member

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    ANONYMOUS POST

    My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Although we were both physically intimate with one another, we never went so far as to have had sex yet for several reasons. This was mostly because I just wasn't feeling comfortable or ready. Said boyfriend has always been very patient of this up until about a month ago. And as of yesterday, he decided to break up with me because he couldn't wait for me any longer. He told me I am a minority among girls in the way that I feel nervous/scared/uncomfortable in wanting to have sex. He told me it's not normal. Also said that sex is something he "deserves" after 'putting up' with and waiting with me for so long.

    Is this logical at all or am I just going crazy here? I understand and respect the fact that he is frustrated and that it is something he wants, but at the same time it is something I am not ready for. He says if I respected him, I'd fix my 'problem' and have sex with him, but I say that if he respected ME, he'd be able to wait regardless of the time it took for that to happen.

    Am I in the wrong here or is he just being selfish?
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    neither one of you are in the wrong. sex is a part of a relationship for a lot of people.

    if he wants it and you don't, then you two aren't compatible in that aspect. It's better he broke up with you rather than cheat on you imo, cause some SO's would do just that.
     
  3. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    After 3 years I'd be looking elsewhere to.

    Hell, after 3 months I'd be wondering what I was still doing in a relationship that wasn't progressing so I think he's done pretty well. Actually, how old are both of you?

    Sex, well basically sex is just fucking awesome. It's an experience which brings you closer together. Both of you orgasming at the exact same moment is a pretty special thing, and can't help but form a bit of a bond from it.

    I take a pretty liberal view of it though. It's a perfectly normal, natural and enjoyable thing. I guess the question is why don't you feel ready for it?

    Really the thing is find a partner who feels the same way I guess. Like Dexter. He doesn't like sex.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You're just not compatible with each other.

    No you're not weird for being like that. You'll be ready when you are ready.

    And if you follow the trend of virgin girls who are waiting for the right time, you'll probably lose it in a one night stand.
     
  5. Zee916

    Zee916 Engineering the world.......

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    If I'm in an exclusive dating relationship, I'm having sex with that person. Not sure how else it would work to be quite honest.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You don't need to know.

    Just know that it DOES work in some cases. :dunno:
     
  7. nerd9

    nerd9 OT Supporter

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    after 3 years is getting pretty ridiculous. i have waited with girls who are less experienced and that's just a choice that i made...but 3 years is out of the question in my opinion..
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's entirely his fault for not being able to close the deal. I can't believe you put up with such a pussy for 3 years. You're going to probably have sex with the first moderately "manly" guy you meet
     
  9. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    depends on the two ppl really if you didnt want it and he wouldnt stay with you because of it i think it says more about him than it does you
     
  10. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    lol.

    just chalk it up to not being compatible and move on.

    lol @ both of you for being so self centered and self rightous.

    "He says if I respected him, I'd fix my 'problem' and have sex with him, but I say that if he respected ME, he'd be able to wait regardless of the time"

    I still cant see the point of being a "monogamous" relationship without sex. how silly.
     
  11. Zee916

    Zee916 Engineering the world.......

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    Guess so. Personally, I like to get a little sexing in before the relationship goes to a "relationship."

    No point getting into it with someone if the sex isn't good. :naughty:
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't think I could wait more than a few hours
     
  13. Esby

    Esby New Member

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    From my understanding, you aren't waiting for marriage.... you are just waiting until it's "right." Correct?

    If you were waiting for marriage, I could see 3 years being reasonable because it just kind of goes hand in hand with someone whom has those values. If it just doesn't feel right after three years though, at what point would you think it would feel right? Three years is an absurd amount of time to become comfortable.

    You probably wouldn't have ever "felt right" with him, and it's probably best that he broke up with you.
     
  14. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    He must have thought you were a really special girl to wait for 3 years, but honestly, if you haven't gotten comfortable enough in that amount of time I don't really blame him for moving along. 3 years is a bit much.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Sex is the reason men and women get together in the first place.
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    is anon poster a virgin?
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    we aren't promised tomorrow
     
  18. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    :werd: Either put out or get out.
     
  19. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    :werd: if you didn't feel "right" in a 3 year span, then you probably would have never felt "right"
     
  20. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    im guessing the OP is still in HS... and her and her BF are both under 18
     
  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It's just sex. Wear protection, and you'll realize it isn't as evil or life changing as American society makes it out to be.
     
  22. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Can't really say I feel bad for either person involved here. Both had perfectly valid reasons for feeling the way they did, but like someone else said, it's simply an issue of incompatibility.
     
  23. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    that's the only excuse.

    but then I know a girl who is 21 and still waiting for that perfect right moment:rolleyes:
     
  24. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    It's pretty hard to understand why they want to do that. I'll agree with you.

    But what I don't get is why all the negativity towards these people. Who cares? They obviously have a different set of morals than we do. What the fuck is wrong with that?
     
  25. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    yes it's weird, sex is natural.
     

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