how fast do you go if it's relationship potential...and

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by LaurenAshley, Jul 24, 2008.

  1. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    I met this guy recently and we've been texting a lot.. he came over to my house last night, and we were going to start watching a movie, but we ended up talking the whole time instead while the movie was playing. I can tell that we have a lot of chemistry and we have really good conversations.. when he left we hugged and he looked like he wanted to kiss me.. I just went back in for a hug and let him kiss me on the head. I feel like there could be possible potential here and I don't want to take things too fast... when would be a good point to let him kiss me?-- ( I want him to know that I'm interested in more than just a hook up ), and if he tries to kiss me and I don't want to yet, how do I not kiss him without him thinking I'm not interested?....

    I have had this dilemma way too many times in the past and I figure it's time to ask for advice.

    I would really appreciate to hear both male and female perspectives on this..
     
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    ? that's not really a place to stand. If you aren't interested in him, you wouldn't accept another date or be in a position to let him kiss you.

    can always tell him you are getting over a cold if you want to be sneaky.


    your ages ? Personally 1 night is enough or it could be a month. Just depends on her speed and what we have going on
     
  3. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    hm i dont think a kiss goodnight is moving too fast.
    in fact, some guys may even be turned off by getting denied.

    i definitely think that if you guys go out again and have a good time, and you still feel the chemistry, let him kiss you.
    if you're scared about him thinking you're not interested, initiate a flirty conversation via text or something, just to keep him on his toes until you see him next.
     
  4. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    no no no.. i think you may have misunderstood-- I am interested in him- i really like him.. i just don't want to move too quickly-- A guy I dated recently seemed to like me a lot and we had a lot of chemistry and a lot in common and we kissed on our like 3rd date..but things went further after a about a week.. I think that was my biggest mistake-- because after 3 weeks straight of seeing him practically every other day, suddenly he was dating another girl-- then within a week they were in a relationship... I was incredibly crushed-- and the girl was the exact opposite of me....soo weird... anyway- so I don't want to make the same mistake twice.. I just want to know what speed keeps guys interested..

    I'm 19, he is 23
     
  5. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    If I let him kiss me the next time.. what if he tries to go further.. what do i do then?
     
  6. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    if it's a kiss goodnight, on your doorstep, chances are he's not going to take your panties off outside.

    in all seriousness, guys can tell when a girl wants him to stop or go further. just don't use alot/any tongue during the kiss and he'll get the message. my god i can't believe i'm giving advice on this kind of thing. isn't this something people figure out in their first months of their dating life?
     
  7. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    I've kissed around 80 guys... and only a couple of them have resulted in relationships... i feel i must be doing something wrong-- (not in the kissing department)...just in the showing guys I want more than a hookup..(95 % of the time when I kiss a guy its ended up being just a hookup).. basically I just want to know -- how do you know when it is a good time to take things past making out...should you just wait till your actually in the relationship?
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2008
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    kissing goodnight =/= making out.

    don't be slutty and he'll get it.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    1st date or 3rd date, i don't think guys really care. if a guy wants to kiss you he'll go for it. if not, he's probably a nice guy/wuss and you've hit the jackpot because he's the perfect guy to trick into marrying and raising the child that you'll have with some random biker dude.
     
  10. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    thanks for your advice :)
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    oh just ignore my expert post. :rolleyes: i'm not delirious...just oxygen deprived
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Le sigh....

    You are controlling your feelings and sexuality just because you've been burned in the past by going I guess what you considered "too fast." It's pretty slim to none that a guy would dump you or never talk to you again because you kissed him too fast or hooked up too fast (right guys?). I and many other girls I knew when I was your age and younger felt that way and it was just a few years ago.

    Stop it, stop that thinking right now.

    You don't have to sleep with a guy on the first date, you don't even have to kiss him. But if deep down you want to, then DO IT. Don't think about what your friends or family said. Don't think about what those girly magazines said about making a guy wait. Just think about what you want.

    If you wanted to kiss him then kiss him. And why are you just waiting for him to kiss you? If he went in for a kiss would you honestly turn your head away because you were worried he'd think you were a slut? Men don't think that way sweetie. When you want to sleep with him and it feels like a right time, then sleep with him. There's never a set timeframe with when you should do what.

    If you don't kiss a guy in 4 dates I personally feel he has a right to say "forget this girl" and move on.

    Christ :eek3: 80 makeouts at 19? Sounds like you are just clueless and give it all away easy to everyone and now are battling how to restrain youself with a decent guy. Kissing him is fine, it will keep his interests most likely. If he tries to go "further" than kissing the first or even second time you kiss him and you don't feel READY then do not do it.

    The most unattractive thing you could do is withhold sex because you think he'll "change" or lose interest in you, or give it away easy without you really wanting to do it. Stop thinking so much and just go with the flow. If he tries to attempt something past kissing and it makes you uncomfortable then tell him so. But if you feel ready to have sex with him or just hooked up with him and shortly after he never talks to you again then move on. There's no use dwelling on "I bet he left me because I slept with him too early!" because if he did leave after a sexual act it's just because he was only looking for an easy lay, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's the risk you take in dating.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2008
  13. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    :werd::werd::werd::werd:

    those stupid "rules" don't mean anything. if it's gonna work as a LTR, it will work, regardless of if you sleep with him on the first date or the tenth.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    BTW, a girl not being comfortable with what she wants is a HUGE turn off.
     
  15. amze

    amze New Member

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    I want to kill girls.

    The end.
     
  16. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    Why haven't I met a girl who has her head on her shoulders like this one?
     
  17. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    :werd: It makes everything uncomfortable. And if you dont think a guy can look at you and tell you arent comfortable, then you are wrong. Of course, that doesnt stop some guys, but most of the time it is still apparent
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    To give an example..I was flirting with a girl for a bit the other day, she asked "wanna come over?" I go over there, we start talking a little but she's all quiet...we start fooling around, she's very quiet, doesn't say anything, but i can tell she isn't really feeling it. I ask "do you want to keep doing this?" She says "I'm not stopping you."

    I can still tell she is uncomfortable, so I ask "Are you sure you want to keep doing this?" She answers "Umm..."

    I say "alright, I'm gonna go", and I leave. The next day I let her know I'm not going to talk with her anymore, because she clearly isn't comfortable with what I'm looking for. She calls me a jerky asshole. Whatever, my time isn't worth wasting on someone who doesn't know what she wants.

    CLIFFS: Girl says she wants me to come over and fool around, I do, we start messing around, she doesn't say anything, but clearly isn't into it. I leave, cut off contact, and get called an asshole. Still, my time isn't worth someone who isn't comfortable with what they really want.

    Moral of the story: Stick by what you're comfortable with. If you want something, go for it/say it. If you don't like something, TELL the guy. Don't be silent about things.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Werd.

    Here's the other thing to remember. Once you get out of high school, you don't have to give a crap about your "image" or reputation regarding sex and general dating. If you want to fuck after the first date, fuck after the first date...the only people it matters to are yourself and the other person.

    Now...don't rush to move in together or get married, but kissing after a first date? If you want it, do it, if not, don't. And don't do this waiting for him BS, if you're a mature, independent woman, you can go after what you want.
     
  20. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    If you have made out with 80 guys, you're 19, and had sex with how many of them (I don't know, you didn't say), people are probably assuming you're a slut and are easy to score with so you will have guys lining up that only want to have sex with you.
     
  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It's hard to determine a guys motives, but there are guys that are interested in more meaningful relationships than just sex. Unfortunately at your age more of the guys are just interested in casual sex. The ones interested in a meaningful relationship are the guys you wouldn't give the time of day to anyways.
     
  22. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    don't do that. Do kiss him if you like him.




    Getting to sex and oral quickly isn't the issue. Well ok maybe if you blow him in the back seat on the first date, he might just think you are a party girl.

    But I have had a very nice relationship where she came home with me on the 1st night. It was 5 hours of talking, dancing, etc.... and we clicked.
     
  23. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    wow I really appreciate all the responses to this thread... I just thought I would let you all know that yes I've kissed around 80 guys.. but I'm still a virgin-- (sorry if that surprises you)... And I guess what I've learned from this blog is that it really isn't about the timing, its about the guy.. (i must just meet a lot of really shitty guys)..

    and to say something else-- no one really knows that I've kissed that many guys except for my best friend and maybe a couple other close friends.. So I don't think it's a reputation that makes guys want to use me. I honestly am very confused about it because I would say that I have a good personality and I like doing fun things.. and I am very comfortable with myself (as you have all suggested that I be).. I always let things happen the way I am comfortable with them happening and I never turn my head when I want to kiss a guy.. the only reason I posted this blog is because I'm sick of liking a guy and kissing him and then sometimes taking things further then hanging out with them a lot-- then suddenly things don't work out.. Some people I know have told me that keeping a guy is about making him want more and not giving the goods away too soon-- that is why I thought maybe I had been moving too quickly. So maybe I just need to find some better/classier guys to date..?
     
  24. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    Is it in yet?
    Its not the speed, its the girl
     
  25. LaurenAshley

    LaurenAshley We are all made of stars

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    Why would you say that? You don't know anything about what I like and don't like in a guy.
     

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