SRS how does one develop emotional maturity?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by glass, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    i originally posted this in The Vaginarium (link) but thought i'd see what The Asylum might think. here's the original post:

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    it's probably not something you can speed up a great deal, but i think working on it consciously is certainly possible.

    i'd rather not define the term, so if it's not trouble please state what you mean when you describe it. for me, it broadly includes
    - the ability to deal with people, conflicts, emotions
    - ability to think analytically about social situations, and be able to justify your response in terms of (1) appearances and (2) your values

    for example, i have a friend who:
    - is able to step in during conflict and dissolve it, by being persuasive and fair to the different parties
    - is familiar with many social dilemmas such that she can see the angles, and usually has a pre-canned solution that works
    - is able to articulate her feelings during crises and set impulse aside to stick by the best solution
    - takes an active role in her siblings' upbringing and her family life
    - knows how to minimize the friction between friends who don't get along well

    and it just boggles me how she has all this life experience, while in said situations i'm staggering at what to do first. it's by no means a comprehensive list, but this is probably a person i'd consider "emotionally mature".

    the easiest way i can think of is to have plenty of friends, but we're not all so lucky. other options i can think of are:
    - volunteering to teach classes at community centers (e.g. after-hours high school math). i figure this would help in improving negotiation skills (children are the litmus test)
    - working in jobs intensive in human interaction
    - talking a lot, especially to women
    - opening up more in social situations, and learning how to rock the boat gently


    ==========

    i had a little rant about "experience":
    and an example of what i meant about "being able to examine a situation analytically":
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showpost.php?p=75661859&postcount=4
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2007
  2. Hypno toad

    Hypno toad Guest

    interesting . i wanna hear the answers to this one.
     
  3. glass

    glass New Member

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    whoops.. just realized the link to the Vaginarium thread was bad.
     
  4. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Self observation.

    If you observe how others make you feel, and which particular ego was effected by what they did... you become keener on what you say, which will effect other's egos.

    We must accept that we are proud, vain, etc. And those egos can be easily agitated by words.

    One can develop emotional maturity in the highest octave by reducing their own ego, their personality, which is the object that gets hurt. It's not easy.

    But by self observing when people get in fights, etc, to see what the cause and effect were, will give you some knowledge on what to avoid or how to respond, which surely improves your maturity.

    Live in the moment. The past is an illusion and the future is speculation to worry about.
     
  5. glass

    glass New Member

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    i thought about this for a bit and was trying to think of some way to justify the ego. i'm sure i'll find one but i'm still working on it!

    i think you're right.. as simple as it sounds, seeing events from other people's perspectives isn't genuinely easy to do. everywhere i hear people throw around "i know exactly how you feel, but...". it's a crock of shit, and i may recognize it's a crock of shit from the way it's heavy-handedly phrased, but does that mean i would be able to make the same claim (to know exactly how another feels) if i tried? right now i don't honestly think i could.

    another term cropped up in my mind just this morning: "moral judo" (i think from the Milan Kundera novel "Slowness"). this is when you use people's consciences against them, and is associated with indignation and moral high ground. great for politics, but there's no place for it in friendship. it's 'civilized force' so to speak; it may be necessary at times, but the amount of moral judo you use on friends should fall as your friendship gets stronger.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007
  6. xotox

    xotox xotox

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    Don't be afraid of being hurt emotionally. When you are, don't sulk: Learn. What went wrong? What went right?
     

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