how does one develop emotional maturity?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by glass, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    edit: i thought i'd post a copy of this thread in The Asylum too. you can see that thread here.

    ===

    it's probably not something you can speed up a great deal, but i think working on it consciously is certainly possible.

    i'd rather not define the term, so if it's not trouble please state what you mean when you describe it. for me, it broadly includes
    - the ability to deal with people, conflicts, emotions
    - ability to think analytically about social situations, and be able to justify your response in terms of (1) appearances and (2) your values

    for example, i have a friend who:
    - is able to step in during conflict and dissolve it, by being persuasive and fair to the different parties
    - is familiar with many social dilemmas such that she can see the angles, and usually has a pre-canned solution that works
    - is able to articulate her feelings during crises and set impulse aside to stick by the best solution
    - takes an active role in her siblings' upbringing and her family life
    - knows how to minimize the friction between friends who don't get along well

    and it just boggles me how she has all this life experience, while in said situations i'm staggering at what to do first. it's by no means a comprehensive list, but this is probably a person i'd consider "emotionally mature".

    the easiest way i can think of is to have plenty of friends, but we're not all so lucky. other options i can think of are:
    - volunteering to teach classes at community centers (e.g. after-hours high school math). i figure this would help in improving negotiation skills (children are the litmus test)
    - working in jobs intensive in human interaction
    - talking a lot, especially to women
    - opening up more in social situations, and learning how to rock the boat gently


    ===

    i guess this is more psychology/social dynamics oriented than Vaginarium material. any help would be appreciated :hs:
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007
  2. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    Put in the Assylum for more help?
     
  3. glass

    glass New Member

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    i'm thinking more along the lines of these:

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showpost.php?p=75661859&postcount=4

    just an example of breaking something down analytically and being able to understand the mechanics of "if X, then Y" is what i'm trying to get at.. with relationships in mind in particular.

    another option i'm considering is saturating myself with knowledge by watching all the major soaps operas:kdubbd:
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2007
  4. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Experience. Thats it.
     
  5. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    :werd:

    time in the field
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    I'd certainly add reflecting and examining experiences you've had and also developing skills to regulate your own emotions within situations so that you do react impulsively and are able to use all those nifty executive functions, such as taking another's perspective.
     
  7. glass

    glass New Member

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    i was afraid you guys would say that :hs:

    experience is definitely a plus, and it'd be crazy to avoid it.. but i wouldn't say all experience is created equal. the more things you make an effort to try, the more you'd get (than if you just "go with the flow"). people who plays music would know that a structured practice session yields much more than one without a goal.. college students know that you don't always read over your notes in the order they're laid out before you.

    also, it's possible for two people to in similar relationships to learn more or less than each other, just by doing certain things differently, e.g. discussing an issue with a close friend vs meditating alone. journal logs can be useful because what you wrote stays how you wrote it, but close friends often see a side of you that you can't write about.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2007
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Of course. You must exp a wide variety of things, and be intelligent/interested enough to examine those expereinces.
     
  9. k0in b4hd

    k0in b4hd New Member

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    get a lot of money
     
  10. Ludwig

    Ludwig New Member

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    I also agree with experience, I was depressed about 2 years ago and by the time I got out of it, it made me a stronger person.
     
  11. gabacho numero uno

    gabacho numero uno New Member

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    ^i've been sick the last two months, unable to eat solid foot. i'm someone who never gets sick so I've had a hard time dealing with it, but when it's finally over I think I'll be a stronger/more mature person from it...
     
  12. razi

    razi New Member

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    'experience' is a nice way of saying hardship and pain (emotional and physical). it means you have to fuck up and learn from it. there is really no other way.

    You can prep for this sort of thing by talking with other people more seasoned (older) than you, reading, etc. Learning to spot problems and nip them in the bud is a very helpful skill, but you must understand that "maturity" is an emotional reaction more than it is intellectual.
     
  13. glass

    glass New Member

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    thanks for the replies. the thing that still irks me with "experience" is that everyone is already getting some sort of experience. i think it's more accurate to say "try to diversify your range of experiences". what kind of experience is worth having is still an open question.
     
  14. Drilldo

    Drilldo Active Member

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    1. Treat people the way you'd want to be treated

    2. Be pursuasive

    3. Experience

    Those work for me.
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I don't see what is "emotionally mature" about encouraging someone to hit on their friend who is taken and try to wreck their relationship. The girl that started that thread would be the one who is emotionally mature because she is putting her feelings aside and letting things play out naturally. She is not being selfish and trying to ruin a relationship for her own personal gain.

    Part of being emotionally mature would be experience but the other part would be learning as much as you can about how people work. Read books about psychology, socializing, body language, conflict resolution, leadership, etc. There are people like your friend who are born with that knowledge and intuition about people, the rest of us have to learn it.
     
  16. glass

    glass New Member

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    i guess that certainly was just one facet of it. a huge part of "maturity" is knowing the right thing to do as well as the available options. i agree the post demonstrated the latter more than the former, and i think i just picked it for the sake of illustration. knowing one's available options is a huge step in itself!

    i've gotta agree about reading to learn how other people work. i remember posting a reading list in the "I Have No Game" thread that was pretty long, even if it did have that seduction slant.

    also, i posted a copy of this in The Asylum to see what the folks over there thought. the thread is here.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2007

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