SRS How does one change their personality/attitude?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by gandhibrokemyskates, Feb 22, 2010.

  1. gandhibrokemyskates

    gandhibrokemyskates slangin beer

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    How does one change their personality/attitude? I'd like to change some things about myself, always tried but never stuck. I can be a dick, I don't really hide what I feel. I used to be the nice, always help everyone out. Learned after the fact when I needed help, those people weren't there to help me. I was picked on in high school, and that didn't help to my attitude either.

    Pretty much, I was picked on and those people were mean. I started being a dick back to them and they say "OMG you're a fucking asshole." Wait a minute, you were calling me names earlier and I say something back to you and I'm an asshole?

    Anyway, I'd like to change my attitude and not really sure how other than keeping my mouth shut but it doesn't fix the thoughts still running through my head. Without having to go a psychiatrist, how does one change their personality?
     
  2. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    fake it till you make it
     
  3. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Changing your beliefs can help a lot.

    For example, a lot of guys out there believe that women view sex as a sacred act and will be offended if you even mention it. The reality is that they enjoy it just as much (if not more) than men and usually enjoy talking about it.

    When I started reading stuff like that years ago, I would try the stuff out and think "Wow, that book was right." When I say "try the stuff out," I mean occasionally slipping some sexual comment that would normally be outside my comfort zone. After a few times of getting positive responses, my beliefs changed, and then my behavior changed. I stopped being so reserved and starting saying things that I was really thinking.

    Whatever aspect of your personality you want to change, I'm sure there are books for it. They will help you challenge your beliefs and give you exercises.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So let me get this straight, you have people that were making fun of you and calling you names, when you fight back they call you an asshole and now you want to change so that they will like you again? Newsflash, they never liked you. Find new people to hang out with and write these losers off.

    Now if you want to change your personality, that takes time and effort but most of all, time. You will have to retrain yourself and your responses. It can be done but most people are just too lazy.
     
  5. gandhibrokemyskates

    gandhibrokemyskates slangin beer

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    This is nothing about them liking me again. All of this happened 8-10 years ago. I know who my real friends are so the people that talk shit, I cut them out of my life anyway.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Your best chances of changing your attitude is to start by accepting yourself as you are now.

    Self help books can be helpful, but the changes will not take place unless you form a burning desire to actually do them. You also need to recognize that who you want to be may not be compatible with your innate nature. If you're going to make changes, start with only one thing, and choose something like patience.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Ok good....seems I misunderstood. I apologize.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I see it like this, experiences in life carve you into the person you are today. If you dwell and keep doing the same thing in life you will stay the same person, meaning that the more different scenario's you experience in life, the more they will carve you into a new person, reading books will carve you, setting principles will carve you, setting things in the way you view them, but having the flexibility to change when you see you were wrong, and standing strong on your viewpoints will give you character,

    I also had the thought of everyone being an asshole, and me just being the nice person. Well i already came to the end conclusion: If there were 7 billion assholes on this planet, and only 1 nice person, then that one nice person is the only thing nice and positive about that planet, id rather be that one nice person then an asshole just like the rest of them.

    However there is a bit of a paradox in living a nice lifestyle, you help others, while others fuck you over, which is depressing, moreover if you get diseased or in a bad situation, the world will drop you like a brick in a swamp.

    You need to combine the world of darkness and light and move in a balanced way thru life. Life is a balancing act so to speak, meaning you have to be nice to others, but in your sparetime when no one is around provide yourself with your selfish(however not harmfull) needs.

    Everyone has their own needs, need love, food, sleep, etc , and the people who are assholes are to be considered as people who's life are unbalanced and therefore selfish. You need to see the world as a whole, but you can only add your little stone of love to this world, and try to make it a more structured system where everything is well arranged.

    This is the only thing that seems to work, this way you love everyone, while you take good care of yourself, and in the long term end it pays off to be a good person. As with all things in life, you try to redirect it into a good direction.
     
  9. chbrules

    chbrules New Member

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    I recommend wiki'ing 'emotional labor' and doing research on 'emotional dissonance.'
     
  10. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    its impossible. personality is largely genetic, and the nurture (rather than nature) part of it capped off when you hit young adulthood. sorry.
     
  11. gandhibrokemyskates

    gandhibrokemyskates slangin beer

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    This can be so hard. Be nice, get walked over on. Be an asshole, you get scolded. I don't go out of my way to be a dick an would never hurt anyone or screw up an opportunity for them. I'm just blunt and impatient, I guess.

    I go out of my way to help people. I've never really ask for help unless its for helping me move or some graphic design help. I did have friends help me move and i certainly rewarded them with pizza and beer. The graphic design help, not a lot of help. :hsd:
     
  12. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    I believe it was shown that a major life event can case a dramatic and lasting change. But it has to be something big. Something physical usually doesn't cut it but in terms of how you see the world.

    I guess there are two ways to look at it though:

    1. That the event actually changed a facet of your personality, how you see the world.

    2. That you were always that person but had so many issues that it was hidden. The major event removed those issues or the ego or whatever and brought your true self back to the front.
     
  13. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    1. You insulted of them out of anger. They insulted you for fun.
    2. You weren't projecting enough confidence for them to feel intimidated.

    One or both of these was the case, hence the response you got.

    Anyway, yes, you can change your behavior, but your understanding of the way the world works needs to mature first. The only way I got there was through counseling. Sometimes you just need a forceful, trustworthy person (the counselor) to tell you to shut up and listen while they tell you how it is.

    There is a difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. A psychologist figures out why you think the way you do and explains to you why you're wrong and what the right way to think is. A psychiatrist changes your brain chemistry so your brain physically operates differently. There are times when that is necessary, since the thought processes you use ultimately depend on a balance of chemicals, but it should always be a last resort.
     
  14. gandhibrokemyskates

    gandhibrokemyskates slangin beer

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    my insults were usually of fun also, unless I was really mad about something.

    I suppose if and when a joke can be said, I'll just keep quiet and let it go. Usually its never mean but just of the moment.

    Still need to figure out what to do about going out of my way to help people. I guess it will have to be case by case basis. Who has been there for me and a true friend...etc.
     
  15. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    You have to relate to people on their terms, though. Maybe it was your tone of voice, maybe it was the exact wording you used, maybe it was the specific thing you chose to comment on -- your interpretation of these can be (and probably was) drastically different than theirs, but their interpretation rules the day because they were the ones you wanted to get the joke.

    Yeah, a negative bias because they just didn't like you is also a contributing factor, but they had to learn to not like you at some point, and the factors I listed most likely contributed to it. I say this having had to learn that same lesson myself.

    Regarding favors, it's pretty simple: don't ever expect anything in return for something you do for someone else, not in the short term and not in the long term either. Think of it as money given to a charity -- if you don't like the charity (i.e. the person), or if you can't afford it, don't give them money (i.e. don't help them). It's a gift, not a loan, and unlike actual charity donations, it isn't even tax-deductible, so there's absolutely nothing in it for you unless you just want to feel like you're making the world a better place.
     
  16. john law

    john law Guest

    You are a product of your environment.
     
  17. Atomicpc

    Atomicpc New Member

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    Are you a guy or gal? Anyway there is a book called "Hold on to your nuts." It has some ideas that are really good and if you put them into practice you'll become a better man. Eventually faking it until you make it. It teaches you how to respond to stuff rather than react. Some of it isn't so straightforward leaving you to fill in some blanks. Seems a little short too but overall it's a good book.

    Also there are some old sayings that you only understand when you get older. "Don't sweat the small stuff." Kind of on the same lines as this book.
     
  18. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Can you recommend some books?
     
  19. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I don't believe you can actually change your personality. You can fake it when the situation calls for it, but at your core, you are who you are.
     
  20. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia

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    You eventually mellow with age.

    I was such an uptight prick years ago. Now I live and let live. I still have my acid tongue though and don't take shit from anyone and it does tend to take people off guard - but if something is not worth saying, or will only cause conflict with nothing to benefit, it's not worth it.

    Sometimes people need to be put in their place. I feel that's my purpose sometimes, and i'm okay with that.

    Otherwise, your attitude will mature with age so long as you change your outlook and goals.
     
  21. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Well, it depends on what you're looking to change.

    As for has having more confidence around women, David DeAngelo has a lot of good online stuff. Neil Strauss also has a few books that are very helpful. Those two seem to have the most stuff regarding inner beliefs rather than just techniques.

    As for just all around feeling good, I think "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns is the best book. I read that book frequently.

    Those are the books that have helped me the most :dunno:
     
  22. Grok1122

    Grok1122 New Member

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    I always liked Aristotle's take on this, that virtue is a habit you have to develop. I would just set small goals for yourself and reperform them over and over and over again.
     

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