SRS How do you remedy shyness?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deception23, Aug 22, 2005.

  1. deception23

    deception23 New Member

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    I'm having a bit of a problem. Perhaps some of you guys have dealt with something like this before and can offer a helping opinion, because it's driving me bonkers and killing me inside slowly but surely and I know I'm the only one that is allowing it to happen - Allow me to explain:

    I just recently turned 24 - I have been single since I was 20 when I decided to give my life away to a video game for a few years - gaining an incredibly excessive amount of weight (5'11 280 pounds) once I finally broke through that I started on a journey to lose this weight a year ago... I'd try n talk to girls at clubs or bars during the transition but they would reject me because I was an overweight pos :p - However, the transition is near complete as I now weigh 185 pounds... and do believe I look good and have been complimented by several of my friends gf's or my friends themselves (not in a gay way or anything, lol) I look like a completely different person and I love it.. but my self-esteem is still that of a 280 pound dude..

    Lately I go out to the bars and clubs and the friends I'm with tell me that girls straight hit on me the entire night and even though I don't see what they're talking about all the time I do on occasion and I noticed I do JACK SHIT... the fear and feeling of that rejection that drove me to lose all the weight to begin with is what is keeping me from saying anything, grabbing them and dancing with them, etc..

    ARGH it is the fucking worst feeling to have bottled up inside

    Unfortunately for me I work fulltime everyday and with a bunch of old people so going out is the only way I'm going to meet somebody =/

    I really do believe I'm the only one that can remedy this, obviously - but I'm just looking to see if somebody has been through something similar and what they did to get over that hump..
     
  2. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    Just have a few drinks to loosen up and attempt to talk to them.

    Or smoke a joint, it usually makes you more friendly.
     
  3. alexs001

    alexs001 Mawk! Mawk!

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    I'm in the same boat...I weigh less now than I have in probably 5 years, but I still feel like the same old fatass. I'm concerned I'm going to end up like the anorexic people that see a fat person in the mirror even when they weigh 95 pounds...
     
  4. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    keeping score on life by how you do with the chicks is bass ackwards-try to find someone nice and leave the bar girls alone.they ain't worth the trouble...
     
  5. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    stick your neck out. get shot down.

    stick your neck out. score.

    realize that regardless of either situation, that ultimately what was the worst part about it? If someone isn't interested in you, don't take it personally. Instead, think of it this way: you should be thankful that they were upfront enough to let you know they weren't interested instead of going out with you, letting you spend money and attention on them, only to be banging 4 other doods on the side.

    in my opinion - talking to an attractive woman is a lot like public speaking. eventually after enough attempts at it, one simply starts feeling comfortable with it - and not only that, but even when it goes horribley wrong, it's still not so bad that you have to remain shut inside a closet, or locked in the basement waiting for moonless nights to venture forth...
     
  6. joy division

    joy division New Member

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    Honestly, I've seen guys with stutters and guys who are extremely shy get turned completely around after drinking. It's just that they get that false confidence and some of it carries over to when they are sober, and they keep getting more and more outgoing.
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Not sure if turning to drinking is the solution to your problem.... it may help "loosen you up" temporarily but is that really you?

    I'm horrible at meat-market bar scenes myself.... take yourself out of that environment and look for venues that are more one on one with girls in a less intimidating situation. You could meet her at anyplace as simple as a Starbucks or she'd be the one sweating in the treadmill right next to you at the gym.

    If that's still too much, consider the online thing. It may seem unconventional but I have a friend who's been dating a girl for the past year he met on Match.com. He's getting married to her soon.

    That environment may feel kind of weird....but it's a way to get over that first hurdle of physical pressure and get you into the talking stages right away.
     
  8. danison

    danison The Contrarian

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    Yeah, you should feel good about yourself for what you have accomplished. You need to build up your self confidence. Also, a lot of times people psyche themselves out. They focus on the negatives rather than the positives. So lets look at those for a sec. If everything goes well you get a number or whatever. In the event it goes wrong what's the big deal? The worst you did is make a woman feel a little better about herself. Sometimes you have to take risks, but even rejection although it seems really bad in your head, is not all that bad really. I have never seen a woman be nasty or mean. Just be confident in who you are and joke around with the women and you will be fine. It all comes down to the fact that you are gonna have to force yourself to try it out once or twice.
     
  9. deception23

    deception23 New Member

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    Heheh.. I tried the drinking stuff and let me tell you - I'd just get completely wasted thinking that 'next' drink will give me the confidence I need...

    I kind of compare it to being broke as fuck then all of sudden being filthy rich (well not too that extent but u know what I mean) I am completely accustomed to women blowing my OLD self off - It's hard even through all the hard work and dedication I went through to see myself for what I am now and actually consider myself attractive towards women..

    But yeah I guess I wasn't really looking for a solution cause I know it's in me.. just venting some frustration...
     
  10. Dark Knight

    Dark Knight Guest

    Get someone to pants you in public.

    Worked wonders for me.
     

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