SRS how do you remain friends with someone that you love?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by moses, Sep 17, 2009.

  1. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    things got fucked up, and lots of immature shit happened and we tried to work it out, but i guess it didn't.

    I'm still in love with her, and this is pretty damn painful (the dreams, the talking, etc..). why the fuck do they still say they wanna be friends? we talked the other night and she was saying that i'm the only one that makes her happy, i'm the only one she'd want to be with but doesn't want to be with me right now. none of it makes fucking sense.

    i realize i'm probably coming from every angle here, but i'm kinda fucked up and not thinking straight.
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    you don't.


    well, at least now. later down the road when you are 100% over her you can give friendship a shot if you think it's worth it. this could be years.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    this. its going to take a lot of time. and its not fair for her to be telling you the things that she is. either she is with you and you are around, or shes not with you and she doesnt get to be around you. she cant have it all her way with you being miserable
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hug: Sorry man

    I remember your last thread about possibly moving in with her and I sensed a world of drama going your way.

    I'd really be interested to hear what exactly happened whenever you're ready to vent.
     
  5. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    I'll pm you when I get to a real keyboard
     
  6. Sure why not?

    Sure why not? New Member

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    It sucks, I'm going on a year now without talking to my bestfrield/ex girlfriend. She just wants to keep you around becuase she gets the comfort security and confidence boost with you there while she's still looking for new guys and you're playing right into her game thinking you have a chance with her.
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    You don't at least right now, cut all contact for a while. Explain to her you can't be friends right now its too hard, she wants you around to be her fallback don't do that show her you have some self respect maybe she will realize she's making a mistake
     
  8. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    for the record, guys are guilty of this, too. my ex did this to me. i finally cut contact with him, but i was stuck in this waiting period for over 2 years. fml... :sad2:
     
  9. planeh

    planeh Guest

    that "friend" thing never works, it's usually put into place by the less hurt of the two to ensure less guilt. It usually only gives a false sense of hope
     
  10. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    So true!!!! It'll be easier on you if she's out of your sight all together.
    With my ex, I'm ok now as long as I don't have any contact with him; when I have to see him, the pain still comes back after more than a year.:wtc:

    If she ever owns up to her share of the responsibility in your break up, then you might have a chance at reconciliation, but the stuff you quoted her saying is just a way of manipulating your emotions. Don't fall for it.:ugh:
     
  11. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    this


    /end thread
     
  12. planeh

    planeh Guest

    No. Move on and forget a friendship. Old feelings will ALWAYS come back.
     
  13. Sirian

    Sirian New Member

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    I've been struggling with this as well and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. GF of 2+ years broke up with me about 3.5 weeks ago and my life has been completely crushed. I am pretty much in a bad mood/upset all day and I am really lacking motivation to finish school and/or focus at work. She used to be my "reward" for working hard in school/work, I got to hang out with her and have fun with her. Now, without that "reward", I find it even more difficult to stay on task and stay focused.

    Back to the topic, I still love her to death and she said she still loves me, but isn't IN love with me. We had a great relationship and it didn't end in a huge fight or anything nasty like that, no cheating etc. She was and still is my best friend, the person who knows me the best. It is HARD to cut all contact with the person that is such a major part of your life, someone you could talk to about anything that bothered you throughout the day and know that they really did care about my happiness. Without that "safety net" of someone to talk to, it makes dealing with this break up a whole lot harder. I know I still have my friends and family, but she was definitely the biggest part of that emotional safety net where I could bitch about anything and she made it all better by still loving me unconditionally.

    Now it's all gone and I've been reading I have to cut all contact with her, which I've been trying to do. Since the breakup, I hadn't initiated contact for a few weeks. But once in a while on facebook or in text messages she would send me a message checking in on me or just talking like we used to. If you have never been through this before, you don't understand how agonizing it is to not respond. I feel so much better about everything when I do get to talk to her for a little bit, it reminds me of how it used to be. I know I shouldn't respond to her, but I have on a few occasions. It's not the way it used to be anymore I have to keep telling myself.

    She has said she wants to be friends still, and I still want her in my life, albeit as a girlfriend and not as a friend though. How do I reconcile these two extremes? I don't know. I know that I am miserable while restraining contact from her, and I know if I do keep in contact with her I am giving her her cake and letting her eat it too. The more and more I try to end all contact with her, the worse I feel and I don't know if that's going to change anytime soon.

    This doesn't really answer the TS's question at all, but I am in the same boat as they are, sorta. I know what I should do according to all relationship advice I have sought, but I also know how it is making me feel to do that. I think I am getting more and more unhealthy and losing more and more motivation to do anything else the more I feel like I'm losing her. Losing her would be the end of me, I'm sure. I want to keep her in my life, but I can't settle for just being friends with her. I wish she WOULD have given me a reason to be mad at her, I think it would make it easier on me right now. Although the relationship ended peacefully, it has tortured me every day since it happened.
     
  14. Sure why not?

    Sure why not? New Member

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    If you sit around waiting to get over your ex it's never going to happen. You need something new like a hobby, or new date to replace that huge void left by the ex. Get on it! It will make you happier and give you something to look forward to and smile about.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You wanna heal fast or heal sloooowly?

    If you like pain, keep on this path. ("OMG I cant let go...not just yet", "I just wanna know he/she is ok", "youre still so special", etc etc etc)

    If you want to heal, then cut off contact. Your world doesn't implode without her in it, neither does hers.

    Don't talk to her, don't involve her.




    The world is a fucking huge place, and the more you get away, hold your head up, interact and enjoy other people...the faster you heal up.

    If it's meant to be, her world will intersect yours again.

    But for now...head off in the opposite direction...that way lies happiness.
     
  16. Xavier

    Xavier There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your

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    Going through the same thing. I keep getting the same exact responses you are. :hs:

    You simply don't, you can't be friends with her..
     
  17. Navvik

    Navvik Active Member

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    Friend thing works for me. I just dont say " maybe we'll get back tgether" I say I like you, you're awsome. I dont want to lose you as a friend. I just dont think we're right for each other. :) And i'm gay (now) and all the girls I ever dated i'm friends with except one, but thats because she's psychotic.
     
  18. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    fucking shit this is my life right now.

    fuck my life.
     
  19. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    This is a slap in the face to me, if i'm so awesome and we have such a great time together, sexual attaction is there, why the fuck aren't we together again?
     
  20. Sirian

    Sirian New Member

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    :hug: I'm so confused emotionally and don't know what to do. Just taking it one day at a time.
     
  21. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :) you're preaching to the choir.

    it took me long enough to realize it's over with him, but don't get me wrong, i think everything happens for a reason. i don't regret waiting on him, even if things didn't work out like i had envisioned. i certainly wasn't ready to get out there and date, regardless if he was in the picture or not.

    that's not the case now. i'm focusing on myself and my career. i'm getting back into running [ran a marathon a little over 3 years ago]. i'm actually running a 10k this weekend! i'm getting a puppy [he's 4.5 weeks old now]!

    oh, and i got asked out & got a phone number last weekend when i was at the bar. :mamoru:
     
  22. planeh

    planeh Guest

    You're gay, so YOU can have this relationship. It doesn't work like that for everyone else.
     
  23. Thoth

    Thoth OT Supporter

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    you dont, i love my ex but we dont talk to each other at all. however i still have her photo taped to the sun shield in my car
     
  24. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    fuck this thread. I'm going through the same shit right now and it suck ass.

    listen: eventually you're going to get really fucking sick of it because in your mind, it's going to feel like you get moments of hope (omg maybe we'll get back together) them moments of despair (ah fuck her friend told me she's interested in some other guy). it's going to be up and down. the ups will be way up, but the downs will be way down. it WILL take a toll on you, even more than it is now. the only way is to MOVE ON and let these feelings subside.

    you HAVE to cut contact with her, at least for a little while. you HAVE to allow yourself the chance to move on from her and let those feelings fade. but don't tell her "I wuv you and it hurts too much to be friends." tell her you need some time to move on and get back into your own life, and that friendship is definitely an option down the road a bit, but not right now. and then that's it. be mature and cool about it and then move on. if nothing else, she'll respect you for not being a sorry sack of shit.

    also, you have to give her time to miss you if you ever want to get back together with her.

    good luck and stay strong. make sure your actions follow your words or you'll look like a puss

    -edit- also, keep in mind that eventually, you two will have to talk about why exactly you aren't together anymore. it's an inevitable conversation, but it may even lead to the realization that you want to get back together. you just never know.

    I know it sounds like a bunch of high school shit, but that's exactly what this stuff turns into if you allow it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2009
  25. FunkyMunniez

    FunkyMunniez Active Member

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    I'm going through this right now. I was really really into a girl a few years ago. We were only best friends but I told her how I felt on Christmas and it fucked things up. That was three years ago, I only just started talking to her this past June. This kind of thing takes time man. Get away from the situation for awhile, and one day you'll both be ready to try and be friends again. You'll know when that time comes.
     

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