I'm rather new to the Asylum. But I HAVE to get this out of me somehow so here is the story (sorry for it being long) I have been trying to get in touch with my grandparents for sometime. They are all the family I have left on that side of the family (my dad passed away in 1991 from cancer) They lived in Houston, Tx. It has been almost 3 years since I last talked to any of them. Not to mention the countless letters that I send and get back, phone calls that go unanswered, etc. So.. Last monday I get an email from a family friend who apparently is my "God Mom" and has known my parents and my dad's family since my dad was 15, anyways. She tells me that my Grandma died Jan 11, 2007 in a nursing home and a week later her last remaining daughter (my last paternal aunt) died in the same nursing home (she was in the same one my grandmother was in bc she was very ill with COPD). Then 2 weeks after that my aunt's only daughter (my cousin) overdoses on pain meds. THEN. She tells me that on top of all that. My grandfather died this past April. And she tells me that they just found my number and me on facebook. She said that my contact information was ruined in a flood that houston had a few years ago. But I get told all this, all in one day. I know that they passed away at seperate times, but it feels like they died just then. I cried for the remainder of the day, BUT, I've been rather cold and shut down since. (on top of all that news, my mom goes into the hospital the next day with chest pain, and also found out she has Sepsis ) I honestly don't know what to do or think. I want to cry, but when I try I can't. I want to talk about my feelings about it but I think I am scared that once I do.. I'll have a break down. I pride myself into being the strong one of all my siblings, but I don't think I can do it anymore. I have noticed that since all this terrible news, I am kinda mean and bitchy to my boyfriend. I don't mean to.. but I just snap. What can I do to open this up and just let it out? Am I experiencing "shock" from all the news ? I am not sure on how to talk about any of this, which is why I am posting here. Sorry if all this is a lot to read or not the right place to post.