SRS how do you motivate yourself to go on living?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Jul 19, 2006.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    It seems like everything in my life is just fucked. My job is about to run out of work for me, and I'll be back, to bartending with a bs in emergency management, and a bs in geography. I don't really have the motivation to take a job ripping people off in sales, and though I'm 25 I look like a child so no one really takes me seriously, regardless of my attitude. I want a job where I get to help people, but I don't want to take a paycut down to like $22,000 to stay in the emergency management industry.

    I'm in the best shape of my life, and haven't met a woman in years. I put on 70lb in a year, and am happy with my body for the first time in my life, but women still don't really want shit to do with me. I haven't had a relationship in almost 6 years. I've been out with one girl a few times over the last year, and I'm not at all interested in her, I just want to meet someone new, but thats not possible.

    I feel like I'll never be happy, and this almost holiday I've enjoyed making good money and a real job where I can think to get payed, rather than be a machine, has been great. I can't go back to school because I can't afford it. I can't take a job where I have to move, because I'm stuck in a lease.

    This shit sucks. I don't want to kill myself or anything, but I don't necessarily want to go on living a life of total discomfort. WTF can I do?
     
  2. Parliament

    Parliament New Member

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    You have to slow down and find out what is going to make YOU happy, and we can't tell you what will, only you can figure that out.

    If you're having trouble with your job, build another career, something you don't mind getting up and going to during the work week. Something you can get involved in completely, rather than just dreadfully count down hours until you go home.

    You want to meet good looking girls that share the same interests as you, don't get shocked when you find out how easy it is. Get a hobby. Go out and get involved in something, you figure out what. Obviously you'll meet women along the way, and hey guess what, if they're there, then they obviously share that same interest as you. That's the first step.

    Stay in shape and stay confident.

    There is no set way to live your life, and life is short enough as it is, so make the best of it. Whatever gets the chemicals in your brain going in a positive manner.
     
  3. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    honestly, women like confidence and self-respect in a man the most. You seem like a cool guy, but if you take a girl out and complain about how crappy your life is, chances are she wont want a second date. So, find the good things in life to focus on... maybe you have a good family, you are a talented guitar player, or somethihng?? write down your good qualities and tell yourself everyday that things will get better. Plus, you have a good body, and thats already a step in the right direction!
    as for the career, perhaps you could switch your job to a different local company, that is related to your qualifications? dont go back to bartending.. youre educated.and with your experience, you should find another job in about 6 months. Try the ymca or another agency to help you find a better job.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    To the OP, you may want to talk to your doctor. You sound like you might be a tad depressed.
     
  5. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I agree with the other stuff. I am most concerned with my job though, it gives me the luxury of all these little concerns.

    I know how to do a date, I do pretty well with women when I can speak to them. All I ever meet is this bar trash, so I don't know how to find a woman that doesn't have a slew of diseases. I need a hobby aside from weight lifting and tracking the car, but don't really know where to start...any ideas on cheap hobbies? It probably doesn't help that my mother and father married 6 times each.



    Even if I am a tad bit depressed, I can't do anything about it because I have no insurance.
     
  6. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Read conversations with god book'3, anything by krishnamurti or osho, and btw how do you motivate yourself, you dont, you simply wake up!
     
  7. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I'll probably never feel so bad that I need a god to tell me that everything will get better if I believe in something fake.
     
  8. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    I'm kind of in this situation. I have a college degree from a top 10 university. Got involved working in tech. Decided tech is dead so went for a mid-life career change. Joined a major bank in a shitty entry-level job that I'm wayyyyy overqualified for with a shit salary. It's depressing starting from the bottom and lying to friends/family/chicks what you really do for a living. But hope the investment will pay off someday.
     
  9. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    mah nga, two birds with one stone:

    Go to chapters/indigo (or similar large bookstore with built in starbucks) and browse the hobby magazine section until you find something you'd like to get into. Then walk around teh store and strike up a conversation with some chick. Chances are she won't be your typical bar trash. :coold:
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Well its really not what you think, but your feeling bad because your ideas about yourself and the world have been skewed, your blinded, have no faith and by faith I do not mean for a man in the skys... spiritual void my friend.
     
  11. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Why on earth would you lie about what you do? Do you think your friends and family base your worth on your job? It sounds like you need to reevaluate your life as much as the OP does. :hs: Be proud of who you are, even if you aren't where you want to be.

    IMO you can only find true happiness in yourself. You can't live through other people or base the value of your life on whether you find a mate or not. Job issues can be resolved. Sometimes you have to take a step back in life to see where you really want or need to go to get ahead.

    Check into free clinics in your area. Call up your local health department and explain your situation. Chances are they will be able to help you.
     
  12. redna

    redna New Member

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    Your attitude sucks.

    You think that a good body is going to make people want to talk with you. You're only looking for trouble with that thought process.. People that approach you solely for your body will be shallow and high maintenance. You dont want people like that anyhow. A better way to meet people with the same interests as you is to join a club doing something you're interested. Get involved with something you're interested in.

    An example: I was feeling the same way as you like life was just boring and stupid and I didnt really care to be living like i was. I had just bought a car that i used to own a while back and remembered that there was a group that met up and raced (http://mr2oc.com - shameless plug) frequently by my house... a local chapter of that forum. So i went out and met with them and they're pretty cool people. None of them are really people that i would have met otherwise or even given a chance had we not had something in common (which makes me shallow i guess... ) but now i have some new friends that are interested in at least one aspect of my life and it offers some variety.

    WRONG! on a few levels... 1. Not all sales is "ripping people off". That's car sales. hehe. Find a sales job doing something you think helps people. For instance, I'm a mortgage consultant. I've put people into homes that were told they would never qualify by other LO's that were just too lazy to do it. I've helped people consolidate their debt and given them a new road to walk and a better way to live. I've HELPED a ton of people get where they wanted to be with investment properties. My fees are reasonable because I have complete control over what i charge. The only set back is that you have to know what your time is worth. 2. Your attitude can completely transform your appearance. You need to project confidence. If you do that, there isn't a person that will brush you off that deserves your business. The object of sales isn't to sell everyone, it's to sell the people that WANT your product or service. The people that WANT your service won't overlook the fact that you're young and ambitous (they'll probably look up to you wishing they were that ambitious, i get that all the time). The other people are a waste of your time so it doesnt matter what they think. Dont let peoples negativity bring you down and stop relying on acceptance as confirmation that you're doing something positive with yourself.

    BTW, I'm only 24 and I've been in serious sales since i was 18. I know what it's like to be taken lightly because you look young. Once you prove yourself though, i've found that you get more respect than most veterans of the industry. People are impressed by the fact that I've come as far as i have and that makes them more willing to work with me. They're intrigued by the fact that you dont generally find a young person that has their head on straight trying to pave a good life for themselves. Most older people envy that about me wishing they would have done the same thing when they were younger.
     
  13. redna

    redna New Member

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    And I might just add here...

    Fake it until you make it.

    Best motivational slogan out there if you apply it. Fake confidence until you're confident. Fake success until you're actually successful. Fake whatever the hell you want, until you're there.

    When you act like you're something long enough, you become it. You start to believe that you're "that". So, be whatever you want to be.
     
  14. redna

    redna New Member

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    Find yourself a club that does something you've never tried before. you'll meet a bunch of new people that are willing to help someone learn something new.

    Rock climbing
    Biking
    Hiking
    Running
    Craft type stuff
    Photography
    Cars


    Making new friends takes effort, so be willing to ask open ended questions and listen. Don't judge people based on your first impression.


    found this on google... dont know if it's worth anything but they have a dropdown that you can get some ideas from atleast.

    http://www.activityclub.com/
     
  15. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    I think it's a tad idealistic to just "be yourself" and be happy. Your self-esteem has much to do with how you are treated and viewed by others. If I lie to other and say I have a great job, family/friends/chicks will treat me better...and that it turn raises my self-esteem. If I'm treated like crap, I'll feel like crap. I guess this is why people dress up and drive nice cars -- to give the aura of success even if they're not successful.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You sound very unhappy. The general rule is that unless you're clinically depressed, you don't have to motivate yourself to go on living. People do whatever it takes to go on living, in circumstances a thousand times more difficult than yours, and are happy to do so. That is the natural state of being of humanity. To want to live.

    You might wanna seek some treatment for your clinical depression. It sounds very much like you have a case. Until you take care of that, you can't just think your way out of it. Your thinking organ isn't functioning properly. Get some help.
     
  17. CWG is great for atheists, too; BJ. Life is supposed to be an opportunity, not a miserable series of tragi-dramas and chores.

    How does anyone get in a state of mind that he asks such a one-side question as this thread's title?

    Have you fallen that far into believing in the morally desultry social fiction that most people never see through, or even question? Jeez.

    Who you are depends on the values and ideals you live by; your valuables should be a tertiary matter, a by-product of manifesting these concepts, right?
     
  18. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I completely disagree. I have spent many years NOT being myself trying to be who everybody else wanted me to be. It's no wonder I was depressed all those years. I have been so much happier since I started living up to my own expectations instead of fulfilling everybody else's expectations.

    If you have to lie others about who you are, you need to seriously reevaluate your life and make some changes. I can understand little white lies to women you will never see again, but to lie to your family about where you work? :hsugh:
     
  19. krott5333

    krott5333 Guest

    if you dont like yourself, girls aren't going to like you either.

    happiness in one's life shows on the outside, and is attractive.
     
  20. Verdugo

    Verdugo New Member

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    It's about entertaining yourself until you stumble across something/someone fulfilling in life. My life has turned for the best in just 8 months and I can't believe how easy I've got it but what has also helped me is to think of things positively. I'll entertain myself with how many times I can do things right yet it doesn't fill the "emptyness" inside but it beats the hell out of sulking.
     
  21. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    thanks for all the advice.

    I didn't think getting in shape would make women automatically gravitate toward me, I thought it would be an opportunity to eliminate a negative from what I have to offer in a relationship... no one wants to be arround ugly people. (my mother and sister raised me, and they are in the fashion industry where looks are of course everything...litterally everything from people wanted to build a relationship with you at work or socially, or financial well being)

    I don't know that I'm depressed or anything, I've been very negative since I was about 10 years old or so. It got really bad about 6 years ago, though, and an intense depression lasted for about 5 years.

    Its not like I'm suicidal or anything, but ever since I was 10 years old, I haven't really wanted to be a part of anything because I don't enjoy being the weakest link in anything, because then everyone else suffers because of my short comings. Its a rationalization that "if this is what life is going to be like, I don't really want to experience it." I'm about to lose my job, my daily driver doesn't run, and if I can't find a decent job I won't be able to make rent or any bills, and I don't want to screw my roomate. I don't need a fuck-ton of cash, just like $40k per year to make bills and put something away to retire on. Apparently thats too much to ask. It was great for the month FEMA sent me to New Orleans. I was running a program, fealt like I was in control of my career, I was making money, adn people respected the work I was doing. It was also a fresh start where I was meeting all kinds of new people that didn't care what I drove, or who I knew.

    I came back home, and everything just started to fall apart. I mean fuck, I'm 25 and haven't had a woman interested in my since an XGF from highschool showed up when I was 19. Aside from the emotional holiday I've been on since november 2005, life has just gotten uglier and uglier since I was a child.

    Even if I were depressed, I don't want any medication, nor the sexual side effects.

    Thanks for playing psychology with me, I don't have anyone else to talk to aside from my dog, and she doesn't talk back.
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Dude... go to a doctor. You've got a long term case of depression. It is easily treatable. There's no reason to continue suffering. Sexual side effects aren't that common, and it sounds like you aren't getting any anyway. If you weren't depressed, you would actually have to WORRY about sexual side effects because you would attract women. Because you are, you don't because women like to feel good and sadness is catchy. Tell the doc to give you something without sexual sides man... jesus. heh, black jesus.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    After you're done your course of meds, move.
     
  24. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    No, I dont' lie to family about where I work. I lie about my job title. I dont' want them to think I have some shitty entry-level job. Yeah, it'd be great to have the "fuck it" attitude and not care what others think. But that's really idealistic. It's like asking a person who's depressed to just cheer up. I don't think it's that simple.
     
  25. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    Find a hobby that helps you through the week man. The only thing that keeps me going is my family and paintball.
     

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