How do you know whether to give someone another chance?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by dukedevil0, May 23, 2008.

  1. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    brief story:
    broke up 6 weeks ago

    we argued a lot, she was clingy and would get upset whenever i did things with friends without her, she can have a negative attitude

    but on the other hand, we had a lot of great times together, so much in common
    whenever it was just us two things were usually great

    after we broke up she wrote me saying everything i wanted to hear, about the things that were a problem and how she realized she needed to change them
    and i'm just really skeptical

    wtf do i do?
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    if your gut says "watch out", then listen. nothing is going to change overnight. just because she said all the stuff you wanted to hear doesn't really mean anything. it sounds like you weren't happy (you're not going to live your life alone just the two of you, so even if things were great then, it's just not realistic)...so don't forget that.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Don't get back together. Don't look back. Stop talking to her.

    In a year you'll be glad you moved on.
     
  4. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    exactly. if you realize that you now want to be with her even though she has those bad habits, then you know what you're getting yourself into and good luck.

    but people don't change like that, especially when it's with those that they had prior experience with. if she ever does change, it won't be with you.
     
  5. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i would give her another shot :dunno:

    i wouldn't necessarily get in a committed relationship with her right away, but it's worth hanging out with her to see if she really HAS changed. people mature and lose those types of bad habits. plus it's easy enough of a situation; if she starts acting up again just tell her you're done.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    Everyone who gets dumped seems to always magically have "changed" for the better weeks after the dumping...Yet they really haven't changed once you give them another shot.
     
  7. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    I think this is the first time I've seen IWYWB and kiri disagree... :hs:
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :dunno: You can give her another chance. I just don't see the point when you broke up for a reason instead of working through it like aduts who are in love. And I know for a fact if you gave her another chance after a while she'd do exactly what she did before. If you got back with her she'd still dislike all your friends and still get upset when you chose them over her because she has no life of her own. There's no way in 6 weeks she got a life considering she's still at home begging you to take her back.

    I would rather you move on and learn from this to never take her kind of crap from another girl again. Never feel bad for wanting "me" time.

    If you do go back to her and the same problem arises just remember we told you so.
     
  9. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    this is typical. they haven't changed, they have just realized they are willing to *make a sacrifice* to keep you. but that will eat away at them since they aren't internally aligned with these new choices.

    however some people can change certain things, so this is obviously not black and white.

    changing someone with a certain amount of negative energy to positive, however, is not the kind of shit that happens overnight.
     
  10. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    I appreciate what you are saying. In my brain (logically) I've been perfectly fine with my decision to break up. However, in the last couple days my emotions are getting the best of me and make me keep questioning myself.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well then get back with her. But when you realize she hasn't changed-end it again and then for the future you will have at least learned to think with your head instead of your heart in situations like this :dunno:
     
  12. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it sounds like it wont end well, but i have always been one who finds it hard to not keep beating the dead horse.

    the issues that you two had seem like personality issues, which dont tend to change. she is who she is, and thats it. she might eventually mature and improve in those areas, but i dont think 6 weeks will do that.

    the problem with not getting back together with her offically is that she might be on her best behavior while trying to win you back, and once she officially has you again, she will be back to her old ways. just keep your eyes open, and if the problems start again, be smart and get out. and dont go back for round 3. you gave it a shot with round 2, and if nothing improves, its really not worth it
     
  13. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    well that's the thing, i feel like it's not a personality difference... it's a bad habit. i had some when i first started getting serious with my current SO (basically immaturity issues), but i eventually calmed down and got over them and everything's fine now. i don't think we really have enough details to know for sure whether it will work out or not, but if the ONLY problem you have with this girl is that she's clingy/gets upset easily, and she realizes she's wrong in doing that and has decided to change, maybe she really means it :dunno: but then again maybe she doesn't and she's just manipulative and desperate. i think that if the threadstarter feels like the relationship could really go somewhere then it's worth giving her another shot but if not then fuck it :mamoru:
     
  14. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    i'm leaning towards fuck it this second, but that may change in 10 minutes :o
     
  15. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    People "can" change... Believe it or not, I did. My ex and I broke up and through the course of our 7 month brokenup time I changed nearly everything she disliked about our relationship in respect to myself. However, I didn't change for her, I did it because she had a valid point and changing those thing would allow me to grow and become a better person.

    That being said, it's unlikely she changed.... she might be able to keep up an act for a few weeks, but that is it. However, not everything is perfect and if you guys were a good match then it might be worth it. If her going back to the way she was before will cause you to break up with her again then I am not sure I would even bother.
    Also, if it took you a while you get over her, it probably isn't worth putting yourself through that again.
     
  16. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    what made you lean towards that?
     
  17. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    I keep wondering if she is someone I would marry. I don't think I would. :hs:

    And I've always been a pretty big advocate that people don't change much.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2008
  18. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i think the most important thing is that you fee solid about your decision. i am one where i would wonder if i had given them enough chances which is why i always got back with bad news ex's in the past. i had to be 150% sure that it wasnt right before i would feel settled about it and not go back

    if you dont think you would marry her, then it seems like a good idea to just stay away, as long as you wont come back 6 months from now changing your mind and deciding that she was the one that got away.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Do you REALLY think that she has completely changed her ways in 6 weeks? I don't. She misses you, and will say whatever you want to hear in order to get you to take her back.

    I'm not saying people can't change...just hat I doubt she has.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If you are having doubts about how you feel about her now and whether or not you would marry her...don't marry her.

    How long did you guys even date? How old are you both?
     
  21. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    When they have shown you they have changed (not changing, have past tense changed) the problems that ended your relationship in the first place
     
  22. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    We were together for 9 months so obviously a long ways away from marriage. I'm 24 and she's 28.

    However, with every girl I'm interested in, I always try to ask myself if she's someone I'd marry. I feel like if it's not, then there's no reason to even start dating.
     
  23. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    No, I don't think she's changed in 6 weeks and she hasn't said that she has. She's saying that she wants to change and has realized what she needs to work on and she's going to attempt it.
     

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