How do you get that "What if she cheats on me" feeling to go away?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Reign, Mar 12, 2007.

  1. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I'm not usually one to ask for advice, but I've moved into uncharted territory with my latest relationship. So a little back story.

    I'm in the Navy, she's in the Navy. We both met at our initial training (post boot camp specialty training). We hung out alot and knew each other way before we got together and started dating. I was actually planning to cut it off after we both left because chances of us staying close were slim, chances of us being stationed at the same base were slim, and chances of us being stationed on the same ship were even more slim. Well low and behold I hit the magic day where I get to pick orders, I figure it can't hurt to ask so I go up and ask if there's any to her particular ship. There were and since I was a good student, well liked by most of the instructors I got them. Anyway, long story short, we were semi-serious before that and after that we got... well serious. Eventually she told me she loved me and well, I love her. We both got out of that duty station at the same time, she spent half her X-mas leave visiting me and my parents/friends/family. Well, the day we both left for the airport was the last time I got to see her. We talked everyday, blah blah blah. Then her 2nd specialty training ended 2 weeks ago, they flew her to the ship, and the last time I talked to her was last friday.

    Now, she's a pretty good girl. She's done some stuff I don't approve of in the past but I've done some stuff I don't approve of in the past. I would call her a trust worthy person, I have no real reason to believe she'd cheat on me. She even promised me she wouldn't drink when they were in ports and I wasn't there.

    I can't get that bad feeling out of the back of my mind. This is my first even close to long distance relationship (and will only have been for like 4, 5 months at most). How do you people that do this deal with it? I'll be done with training next week, have a week off to visit my Grandparents and then I'm headed there too (they may not fly me to the ship though since it's supposed to be coming back in the next month or two...). I just... blah... I'm going nuts.

    Cliffs: If you don't read the whole thing, I don't want your advice. :) :p
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I dunno, my mom and dad made it work when he was in the navy.
     
  3. MissJenn

    MissJenn New Member

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    my BF is deployed currently. we started our relationship only a short time before he left, but had known eachother for years before that. everyone thinks about it, but if its really eating at you maybe you should just talk to her about it? long distance relationships SURVIVE on talking, be honest with yourself and with her. all i hear everyday from him is 'so and so cheated on her husbad and is leaving him the house for when we get home' i dont understand how problems can happen like that i guess.
     
  4. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    IB "So I caught my girlfriend in a Navyboy gangbang" thread


    This is hopeless. Fuck her while you can. Don't hold out hope that your dick will be the only one she is getting. It's the fucking navy for christ sakes.
     
  5. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    Except he really isn't your dad.


    :mamoru:
     
  6. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Yeah, I guess.... how do you guys talk everyday? She hasn't been there more than a couple days so she probably doesn't know shit about contacting me, but yeah...
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    You know, I've never been to a ship, but it's fuck head's like you I'd want to dump over board in the middle of the night after I slit your wrists so you'd bleed out and the sharks would get you.
     
  8. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    This sort of thing requires trust, and trust is only built with lots of time. I'm sure you have figured out that if you'd been together two years instead of four months, you'd probably be less worried right about now.

    Not to be callous, but there are good reasons that the vast majority of LDRs fail.

    In the end it's a judgement call that only you can make, and none of us can really help you with it without knowing a lot more. It sounds like you may have a few red flags on her, but nothing serious to make you question her trustworthiness, but having dated for such a relatively short amount of time it's hard to know her 100%. So you will just have to decide if it is worth holding onto and if you can handle this trust thing for the length of her deployment. If you can't then it would be better to end it now and not cheat her out of all that time; you wouldn't be a despicable human being for doing so. If your paths should cross again, and you both wanted to pick up where you left off, so be it.

    If you haven't posted this in Barracks yet, I would think they'd have a lot of insight and experience which you may find helpful.
     
  9. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Oh that's the thing... We're on the same ship, so yeah. And my A-school was really long. We've known each other for like 9 months and been dating for about 7-8 months total, 4 we could see each other when ever, the past 2.5 have been apart. I just haven't been sent to the ship. The final part of my training ends this Thursday, I detach this command and have to be in VA by April 15th (I'll be there the 3rd) and then they may or may not fly me to the ship.
     
  10. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Sorry, I didn't quite get that from your post. If we are talking about weeks or even a month or two then just suck it up. Unless you have more red flags from her than you let on you should be fine.

    Unfortunately, "just suck it up" is really the extent of the advice anyone can give you in regards to your nagging insecurities. :)
     
  11. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    I know you don't want to hear it, but lets look at the facts:


    Your girl is on a ship full of horny Navy men

    You are away from her for long periods of time

    All women are whores

    You do the math.:ugh2:
     
  12. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    :squint: :nono:
     
  13. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    And, the only long period of time I'll be away from her... is this one.

    How many times do I have to say....

    WE"RE ON THE SAME SHIP!
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Have you been cheated on in the past?
    I have you cheated on someone in the past?
    Has she cheated in the past?

    No matter what you do, if she is going to cheat she is going to cheat. It took me years to get rid of that feeling and even now I still have it a little bit :(
     
  15. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Not that I know of
    No
    No
     
  16. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Hmm, have you thought about where the fear stems from?
     
  17. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I dunno, I guess I've always kinda thought people in relationships should be monogamous, just the way I was raised. If you don't wanna be with someone... tell them.
     
  18. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    So you aren't monogamous ?
    Have you had the talk about what you will each accept?
     
  19. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Either you trust or you dont. Ive been in an ldr for 3 yrs 3 months. Its hard really hard.. But he and I talk constantly, we probably spend too much time on the phone if anything. Hes the jealous type as well so he always has and always will wonder the same thing your wondering. Ive placed myself in a position one time in our relationship in which I did something that I wasnt proud of but I confessed (within like 2 hours of doing it). I told him everything I didnt hide it. It was my fault I should have never have put myself in the position I was in but I did.

    I love and trust my boyfriend with everything I have and he does the same with me.
     
  20. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Well in this case it's not very likely that she would cheat unless she's just not very smart. If she cheated with someone else on that ship then the truth would probably come out at some point. I doubt everyone on the ship can keep their mouth shut, especially if there are other guys there that would want you guys to break up so they can bang her. When I get that "what if he cheats on me" feeling I have to try to reason out why it couldn't logically happen. Thinking that "he loves me so he wouldn't cheat" never works for me because you never know for sure how someone feels or what they might do. Just take note if she seems different in any way when you talk to her or see her. Most people would show some type of sign if they cheated.
     

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