SRS How do you get someone to realize they are alcoholics?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 4bangin, May 17, 2009.

  1. 4bangin

    4bangin Ballet of Violence

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    My parents are alcoholics and for some reason can not admit it. I drink, too. But they amount they consume is getting very bad. My dads business is going under with this economy, so money is very tight. Getting drunk every day isnt helping that out at all. I've tried to just come out and tell them, they get all pissed off, deny it and try to find something to put me down about to take the attention off of them. They are both very stubborn, immature people when it comes to arguing.

    Is there anyway I could help make them realize they are alcoholics and need help? They were both drunk at 11am today, now it is 4:30 and they are still going strong. They will pass out around 7, wake up at 5am and start over. That is their daily routine. Not to mention they have both gained 50+lbs in the past year due to alcohol, junk food and inactivity.

    This is really starting to get to me. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Short answer- you don't. You can try bringing up your concerns to them but don't expect it to help much.

    Best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Find an alateen or alanon group near you and start attending meetings. And get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can :hs:

    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
    http://www.ga-al-anon.org/district-number.php?district=17

    There are 4 in your area. Seriously, check them out, they help a lot :hs:

    (one of my besties lives in Cartersville too :wiggle: funny enough)
     
  3. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Alcoholics are the hardest people to reach. You can't force them to do anything and you can't reason with them because they tend to have short fuses.

    I know a few alcoholics. 2 of them are functioning alcoholics and they probably will be until the day they die. 1 of them just got so sick of himself that he finally got his shit together when he realized he was 27, lived at home, and had no job. Ex gf's father quite cold turkey when he realized his family was falling apart.

    Either you mention their drinking a few more times and then you take action, or you can just let them ride it out. By "take action" I mean you should just show them that you won't be a part of their lives if they don't get it under control. Not much else you can do.
     
  4. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    No one can help them realize they have a problem except themselves. Problem is, with any addict, they always thick they dont have a problem, that they can quit when they want, but they just dont want to. Good thing about addicts is, nothing helps them see their addiction more than when they dont have it.

    If you want to send a message, wait until they are passed out, and take all the alchohol out of the house. When they go out and buy more, wait for them to get distracted, which is going to be easy when they are drunk, and hide that bottle as well. Be prepared though, they will get angry and accuse you. This isnt the best idea if your parents have ever gotten physically abuseive with you.

    But if they havent, just be prepared for a few mean words, have some thick skin, they dont mean what they say to you, just remember, alchohol is a drug, and they will be jonesing. But, when this happens enough time, when their addiction drives them to the point of insanity for their desire to attain their drug, it will be a rude awakening for them to see how addicted they are. It may help them want to help themselves get into a program
     
  5. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    This is pretty much all you can do. They won't quit until they hit rock bottom... and even then they may not. They are going to have to want to quit on their own.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Short answer...you don't...however, like Lucky said, you can take care of yourself.

    We alcoholics are strange people because we could be lying in the gutter, looking up and you and telling you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that your life sucks and ours is awesome...and we honestly believe this. You can't reason with us because we're smarter than you are.....no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.

    Looking back on my drinking many, many people told me I should stop but I just wouldn't listen. In fact, I became quite good at "fading the heat" so they would leave me alone and I could go on drinking like I wanted to.

    Here are really the only things I think you can say to them and have them get through:
    1) I love you (this is important because we feel so unloved while drinking)
    2) I'm worried about your drinking
    3) I think you need help.

    Repeat as often as needed....but don't expect miracles.

    The hard thing for most people to understand is that until the alcoholic is ready to quit drinking....they won't change. They won't make the effort because they don't see any reason to change.

    Alcoholism is really fucked up because the sufferer honestly believes that drinking isn't really the problem. The problem is the boss, or the gf/bf, or the car, or the house, or the job, or the mortgage, or whatever....if you need a longer list we'll make one.....and if it weren't for that, then we wouldn't drink as much. But guess what....once one of those issues is resolved, we continue drinking and add another reason to the list....or 5.

    The point is, we just really want to keep on drinking and seriously can't see the shit storm brewing on the horizon so we blot out the pain and misery and just keep on drinking.

    It's excruciating for loved ones to watch and that's why alateen and alanon are so helpful. Because they deal with all the confusing emotions that come up in the loved ones of alcoholics. They know all the BS that we pull and they know what it's like to live with a raging alcohlic and they certainly know how often the loved ones have cried.

    Look you are not alone and you don't ever have to handle these feelings and issues alone. However, it takes action to meet these people....you first have to find a meeting then go....then comes the hard part.....you have to talk to them about what's going on in your life. They can help....but you have to make some effort to seek out the help.

    Good luck and God Bless.
     
  7. kylep

    kylep OT Supporter

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    As a member of AA, I agree with this sentiment.
     
  8. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    If you think about it, it's very hard to convince someone that they're doing something wrong if it's something they do on their own free will. I drove drunk about 3 times in one month (a few months ago) and after the second time my buddy yelled at me and called me out on it. I insisted I wasn't drunk when I drove (I was probably a .10 if I had to guess) and that I wouldn't have got in trouble. I told him I would never drive if I was drunk. The next time I drove was the worst of all 3, I was probably a (.12 or higher) and the next day he grilled me super bad and said I wasn't welcome to drink at his house anymore because he didn't want it on his conscience. I had nothing to say at all except "you're right. I was drunk and I'm a hipocrit". Haven't drove drunk since (and those were actually the only time I ever had).

    I guess my point is just what all the other said. It's really hard to convince someone to change you just need to do what is best to help yourself. In my situation I was hurting/worrying my best friend and to help himself he refused to allow me to drink at his house. I realize your situation is different and you don't have that kind of control at home, so take other opportunities to find help. Try writing a short letter to them perhaps and ask them to read it when they're sober. I've never had to live with an alcoholic so I can't relate as well. Sorry.
     

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