SRS How do you get over things?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ///M Pilot, Apr 12, 2007.

  1. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Apologies on the length..

    I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 years now, and she's great. Really. She's treated me the best out of any of my past girlfriends, and I love her a lot.

    But...she has a past, and is rather damaged goods, whereas I've had a rather blessed upbringing. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a terribly religious person; I'd say more naively idealistic.

    Little back story. I'm 25, she's 24. We met in college, and everything was good. Four months after meeting me and seeming into me, she decides to start sleeping around. She went through a bunch of guys in a short amount of time. I was a virgin at the time, and that was something I was in no way interested in. I placed (and still do, I've only ever been with one person) a high value on sex, love, whatever.

    Fast forward about 6 months. Things start to develop with us, we're pretty good together. We've been together off and on since then, and really committed to being together a couple of years ago.

    Well, I slipped up. We had sex one night when I was completely annihilated. I've been living in shame of that night ever since it happened (but I guess that hasn't stopped us from continuing to do it) because it totally wrecked my idealistic "first time".

    Now...the relationship is at a point where naturally, one would be attempting to identify where it's leading. That's the sticking point. A) I'm not ready to get married, and B) I can't get over her past. I know it doesn't affect things now, but my girlfriend prior to her was a virgin (we were waiting -- ha), and having wanted to lose it to another virgin, my idealism about sex was retarded high I guess.

    The REAL kicker is, she lost her virginity at 17 by sexually assault (ironic, isn't it?) and her justification for the sleeping around was to "regain control". I can't even begin to fathom that, but I don't think I ever will, as I've never gone through an event such as that. I can't really identify with people who view sex in such a callous regard...

    I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this post, but I don't care. This is how I feel, and I want to get over it. I need to get over my idealism, and I need to get over my problem with her past. She's a great girl, but this stupid fucking problem just keeps nagging at me. I think I need to see a shrink.
     
  2. frostypoo

    frostypoo New Member

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    Well since you guys already had sex... why not keep having more sex? maybe you'll actually find that.. it can be enjoyable, sober even.
     
  3. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Has she seen a shrink to deal with her issues from the sexual assualt? If she hasn't then she may repeat her actions in the future. Those things really mess with a person's head and can cause them to do things that aren't very smart later. It's normal for you to be bothered by her sleeping around but there's nothing you can do to change the past. You can either accept that that's the way it is or break up with her if you can't deal with it.

    You definitely need to get over the whole "ideal first time" thing. Life is not like movies or romance novels, things just don't happen that way. Very few people have some wonderful special first time and even if it happens like that the sex would still suck because neither of them would know what they are doing. There is no reason for you to feel shame for what happened, you lost your virginity to a girl you loved and not some random whore so you didn't do anything wrong. It probably would be good for you to see a shrink, even if it's just a couple times. They can help you find out why you are so insecure about this and find ways for you to move on.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: You're one of those guys. *sighs* it's hard for me to read this kind of post and not be a little annoyed, just because you sound so damn close-minded, but I will stick to the point as best I can. I don't even know why you are with this girl. You don't sound happy at all; you say you love her and back it up by saying she's "treated you the best of any girlfriend you've been with." But obviously you are plagued by the fact that OMG she isn't a virgin. and it just makes you sound like you're insecure because you didn't lose yours until you were what, 22?

    The girl lost her virginity to sexual assault for God's sake. Those kinds of people tend to have emotional baggage, especially when it comes to sex, but instead of you trying to understand that you still have this all superior feeling like you deep down just think she's a slut.

    Either way, you guys don't even sound like you have a healthy relationship if all you can think about if her past and the fact that you already lost your virginity. You already know you aren't going to marry this girl. Why not really think about it and decide if she's even who you want to be with right now or if you'd rather move on to another virgin, because obviosuly that's going to make you feel better about yourself.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I see what Lady Goodman is saying, and you do sound uptight. I too used to want to remain a virgin until marriage until I got older and realized that my primary reason for doing so wasn't because I actually wanted to, but because I wanted to be "The Good Guy", different from what I perceived as all of the "Jerks" out there. Once I grew up I realized that sex is NORMAL. Of course you want to take precautions if you do not want to have children or catch an STD but beyond that, sex is a normal natural act... AND IT'S FUN! Instead of beating yourself up regarding sex and virginity (which I found out really doesn't mean too much) just relax and release yourself from this self imposed depression regarding it.

    As far as this girl however... I would have ditched her the MOMENT she cheated. Taking someone back after that doesn't make them feel gushy inside due to your "love" for them, it teaches them that they can do it and get away with it. It teaches them that you don't have enough Self Respect to get rid of someone who insults you this badly. It shows them that you are a pushover. Never take back a cheater. They lose respect for you, not gain it.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    He didn't say that she cheated. He said that she slept around after they met but before things happened between them.
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Get off your high horse and just get over it, theres nothing wrong with enjoying sex its part of a relationship. I've been with girls that had a lot more partners than me and some had a lot less or none I never got hung up on it. Sex isnt dirty and it isnt wrong most people go thru a phase of sleeping around you shouldnt look down on her for that people can change.
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Oh.
     
  9. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    A person is shaped by their experiences. Her former partners shaped her to be the person you like/love today. It's likely she knows how to treat you better then all your other past girlfriends, precisely because she's had experiences before and learned from them...the way she holds a conversation that lasts for hours, the way she kisses you just the right way, that freaky position she does in bed that is the most mindblowing thing you've ever experienced....

    Where do you think she learned it from?

    If anything, you should be grateful to all those others that came before you.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2007

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