So 6 years ago, I was drugged and raped by a friend. I believe I've always suffered from depression to a degree. I think that point in my life was a catalyst kind of spinning my life out of control for awhile. I denied it for a long time. I wanted to be strong. I didn't want people to look at me differently so I hid everything. I hid it from my family. I hid my feelings to the guy I eventually married... They all knew something was wrong because I used to get so sick. I saw doctors. I developed acid reflux for what I now think is a result from everything I've held in on the inside. I denied that I had issues and they repeatedly tried to put me on anti-depressants. They were right I think now but I didn't want to deal with that at the time. I still try to play the strong side but I sometimes I feel a little out of control. I suffer I think at this point in my life worse from anxiety when I feel things in my life moving out of my control. It can get pretty bad to the point were I'm so sick I can't eat for days. If I do eat, it comes right back up from the nausia. Food or the smell of food can make me gag. I've talked to my doctors about this and I find it ironic that when I told them I didn't have a mental disorder years ago they didn't want to medicate me with anything but drugs along that line... Now, I go to them and tell them that I feel I would benefit from a drug like this and they deny that I need it. The anxiety is making me sick to the point I'm losing weight and sleep. They put me on sleeping pills and nausia medication which they'd normally prescribe for chemo patients. I don't get it... It's like a control thing for them or something.