SRS How do you deal with losing a friend(s)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by s2kguy, Feb 12, 2007.

  1. s2kguy

    s2kguy New Member

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    They didn't die, I got in a pretty big arguement and just walked away. I really don't want anything to do with them, but for some reason I regret what I did.
     
  2. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    its defintely a hard loss. especially if it was someone you talked to or saw regularly. i think there is no way to really deal with it other than to just suck it up and take it as a loss.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You should only bring love and light into the lives of other people, if you people hate eachother what happyness can you give eachother? Which such friends who needs enemies?, so if these are people that you really care about you should apologize, that is if your friendship is worth more then the argument. Arguments only poison relationships, so don't give another spin to that wheel of hatred.
     
  4. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    Well, I think I am very close to loosing one myself...and it will be on my own accord.


    I've known this guy since 1st grade(I'm 20 right now...so 15 years almost)...we've been best buds since. I always thought that we'd be pals forever and blah blah blah.

    However for the last 2 or so years he has become an alcoholic. He drinks every single day...and gets wasted...every...single...day. He gets home from work at 10am and is drunk by 12pm.

    To make matters worse, he is a very angry drunk. Once he has liquor in him, he becomes a HUGE asshole and will explode over everything. He usually never blew up on me...however EVERY single time I would hang out with him, he would sit there and fight the entire time with his GF or the rest of his family. I'd be over for 8 hours...and we'd only be hanging out for about an hour or so...the other 7 hours is him and his GF fighting and stomping around, yelling..etc.

    Now he has directed his anger towards me and out of the blue, he tore into me. For no reason, in his drunkeness...he just starts talking shit and and insulting me...etc. And I am not going to put up with it.


    He knows he has a problem...I've tried helping him through it...for 2 years I've been here trying to help him, but he has no desire what-so-ever to help himself. He doesn't give a fuck and he is destroying himself and our friendship.

    His GF and Family may put up with it...but I will not. He thinks his way of handling things actually works in the real world...but it doesn't. And now he is directing his actions towards me...and that doesn't fly with me.

    And I am his very last friend, he doesn't have anyone else really besides me...I'm his friend of 15 fucking years and he is pulling this shit.

    I've basically had it...and seeing as how he doesn't give a flying fuck about any of it and is unwilling to do something about it...then I'm not going to stick around and support him.


    I'm very close to just slamming that door and letting him fuck up his own life by himself. :sad2:
     
  5. s2kguy

    s2kguy New Member

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    I decided to just go in seperate ways, friends, especially backstabbing ones, are not top priority for me.
     
  6. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    I just recently severed the 'cord' with someone who I have known and lived near since we were able to walk; he is only a year younger than me. We've been through virtually everything, same schools (until college, something he did not attend).

    However, growth also includes change; his behavioral patterns were having a negative impact on my life, we were drifting apart, I had become more busy in my academic and professional career so the 'good ole times' were fading quickly. He is going nowhere in his life, a habitual pothead (not that I have a problem with people smoking, but that's all he does), and various other responsibility and character flaws. His life is his own and he can run it however he feels, but I won't be around to drag him along (I started being his walking conscience rather than a long-time friend) and get pulled down in the process.

    So in short, I felt I made the right decision. Hopefully, you can feel you can make a decision that will be sure to yourself.
     
  7. gweary

    gweary New Member

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    I recently went through a time that I lost a group of friends that I had been doing a lot of social activities with. The short of it is that they were doing things that I don't and I decided that it was better to walk away then to try and patch things up. I am probably better off for it in the long run, but I had a hard time staying away completely. It is only getting better with time.
     
  8. Aradia

    Aradia New Member

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    Sometimes the best way to let go of some one is to find out exactly what part we played in the scenario, oppologize to them about OUR part...and then let it go. The part that bothers you is called resentment.:squint:

    Resentments can litterally kill a person: "Resentment is the prison we lock people in...and we are stuck guarding the door"-max lucado

    Own up to what part you played, amend that to the ex-friend, and then walk away from the relationship. You wont hold resentment or guilt. You will have taken the high road. This process is widely used, and is valueable. I have personally "made amends" to many people in my life and felt a great relief from it, and was able to let go of bad/toxic relationships and people.
     
  9. Aradia

    Aradia New Member

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    It is obvious that you care about this guy...the best thing you can do for him is to let him go. Don't try to help him, don't encourage him...it is called enabling. If you are really as close as you sound (like a brother/sibling situation) you might look into Al-Anon meetings:hs: . Alcoholics suffer from the WORST cases of SELF-CENTERED-ness know to man (I know, I am one-)
    He is not capable of seeing past his own selfish feelings. Litterally, not capable of it. Unfortunate is what it does to those around him...in recovery we learn to make amends for those things too.

    Don't take it personal, try really hard not to. Chances are he is an *alcoholic*, that is a clinical disease (affecting the alcoholic physically and mentally)...try to think of him as a sick person but don't let it trick you into thinking you need to feel bad for him or enable him.

    it's very tricky stuff. Like I say, if you are that close to him...you make check out Al-Anon...look it up in the phone book (or look up AA and they can direct you to it).
     
  10. The Militant

    The Militant THE FUTURE

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    I've made this mistake over and over, and I know it's stupid. I'd cut communication and act as if our friendship never existed, it sucks but thats how I am. Believe me tho, keep the ones you got... they want to apologize just as much as oyu do.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Coming from someone who lost their best friend in the whole world (to death), if you really care about this person but are just very upset with them right now-take some time off to get over it. And if after a while you are over it reconcile. If you still are stubborn about whatever the problem then move on without them. Really just depends how important they are to you.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Good for you!

    You will probably go through a period of grief. It takes time but eventually you'll find new friends and hopefully they won't be so reckless with your friendship.

    Have you told your friend exactly what they did that hurt your feelings?? If so, what was their response??
     

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