So I haven't really talked to anyone about this since Sunday when my mom died of gallbladder cancer...but I need to know a few things. I have a few things to get off my chest. First...I need to know if anyone finds it weird that I'm not really sad that my mom is gone. My mom was my best friend for the time she was alive. We talked all the time, we shared everything, etc. We sometimes disagreed on some views but it wasn't something we dwelled on. Anyway, when she died of course I cried for a few hours. But I've had a month to prepare for it. I feel like I've come to accept that she's gone, she's not coming back, and that she wouldn't want me to be sad about her if she were still around. It really bothers me that my dad and my relatives are constantly telling me not to "hold it inside" and to "release your pain" and grief, etc etc...Does anyone find it odd that I'm not really so sad about it? I probably look like I'm not sad at all because I'm trying to not let her death rule my life. My uncle even told me how to deal with the grief because he didn't think I knew how to deal with it (by how I looked). The second thing is...how do you fill the void that losing your mother creates? I must admit that I've never ever felt so akward to walk around my house. I think about her a lot but it's just a weird feeling I can't explain. Knowing she won't ever be here again to talk to me or do anything with me. I've tried to think about the fun times we had but even those fun times are blurry and I can't really remember any real great times (although our relationship was strong for my whole life). And uhm...since this is my first thread in the Asylum...hello.