SRS How do you deal with it?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Teh_Sponge, May 19, 2005.

  1. Teh_Sponge

    Teh_Sponge Hey, I got a sub now...

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2004
    Messages:
    22,550
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    So I haven't really talked to anyone about this since Sunday when my mom died of gallbladder cancer...but I need to know a few things.

    I have a few things to get off my chest. First...I need to know if anyone finds it weird that I'm not really sad that my mom is gone. My mom was my best friend for the time she was alive. We talked all the time, we shared everything, etc. We sometimes disagreed on some views but it wasn't something we dwelled on.

    Anyway, when she died of course I cried for a few hours. But I've had a month to prepare for it. I feel like I've come to accept that she's gone, she's not coming back, and that she wouldn't want me to be sad about her if she were still around.

    It really bothers me that my dad and my relatives are constantly telling me not to "hold it inside" and to "release your pain" and grief, etc etc...Does anyone find it odd that I'm not really so sad about it? I probably look like I'm not sad at all because I'm trying to not let her death rule my life. My uncle even told me how to deal with the grief because he didn't think I knew how to deal with it (by how I looked).

    The second thing is...how do you fill the void that losing your mother creates? I must admit that I've never ever felt so akward to walk around my house. I think about her a lot but it's just a weird feeling I can't explain. Knowing she won't ever be here again to talk to me or do anything with me. I've tried to think about the fun times we had but even those fun times are blurry and I can't really remember any real great times (although our relationship was strong for my whole life).

    And uhm...since this is my first thread in the Asylum...hello. :hs:
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Let it go. You will feel what you feel, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise (even me). Your dad and your relatives are just trying to be helpful. Letting it out, seems on the surface, to be the correct thing to do. And it is, if you feel like it.

    In your case, you may be numb from the experience and still taking some time to process. In time you may feel grief wash over you.

    In fact, some months from now, you might think things are ok, and you're standing over the sink washing some dishes, and all of a sudden you come upon your mom's favorite silver tray, or her favorite tune comes on the radio, the one she used to sing to you when you were a little kid. Then the floodgates will open.

    Know that your dad/uncle/etc just want you to be ok. Thank them for their concern but let it go. Tell them you're fine and to leave you alone so they don't keep bothering you.

    You'll be ok.
     
  3. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    What you are experiencing now is normal. As your life goes on you will have a lot of thoughts about your mom. Thoughts about her will always flow with the stages of your life. You love your mom, go with the flow.
     
  4. Teh_Sponge

    Teh_Sponge Hey, I got a sub now...

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2004
    Messages:
    22,550
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    Thanks for the advice. :hug:
     
  5. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Perhaps you've dealt with it as best as anybody could already.... you had the time to process this with your mom before she passed away and you know everything was right between the two of you.

    So perhaps that's it....you're ok and you know that she's watching over you.

    Don't feel guilty or anything just because you're not an emotional wreck.
     
  6. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    hello teh sponge!!

    your first concern about your mother and not knowing what to do about her missing will come in time, both of the lads above have given you sound, and grand advice ... that will help you solve that problem!!

    your second concern, as far as filling in the hole is concerned, I don't think you can. in the game of life, and family, we always have holes where are family members once were when they leave, and what we do with that hole, and what meaning we give to the hole is what makes the real difference. this might not sound like too much sense, but it means to you whatever you want from it.

    if this means that you will never be close to anyone, that is your meaning. if you accept your mother as your mother, who spawned you through her love for your father, then you will realise what love is. it will then begin to flow through you as you begin to give more, and share more.

    love is about giving, and sharing.

    you have shown how sharing you are by sharing your heart with this board, here and now.

    don't worry!!

    if you really want to find someone to replace her, then find yourself a gf, and make her your wife!!

    a wife has more meaning that a mother, because more love is created through a wife, than through a mother. a mother has always given love to you her whole life, and a wife will share her love with you. there is a big difference.

    i hope this makes sense, and I am not rambling too much.

    all the best through this experience!! and I hope that the tears flow easily!!
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,942
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    It seems like you already did grieve. Some people grieve longer than others. You had a great relationship with your mom so there's probably not a lot that you "regret" doing or not doing. I think that's a good thing.
     

Share This Page