How do you deal with it, or could you even?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Reign, Sep 17, 2008.

  1. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    A friend of mine is asking for advice but I don't really know what to tell him. I've told him if he really cares about her that it'll pass and stop hurting.

    Basically though, he broke up with her because for fairly legit reasons (IMO) but a couple weeks later he realized his feelings for her were stronger than he first thought. Well he and her are now trying to work it out. However while he was broken up with her she... didn't sleep with someone else but almost did. Like she and the other dude were naked, in bed together and he had a condom on at one point. She swears up and down that nothing happened (I've talked to her, I believe her) but he still feels like crap.

    Basically what I've told him is that they were broken up. If it's anyone's fault it's his, he shouldn't broken up with her in the first place. And that if he truly loves and cares about her, he'll get over it.... eventually. I dunno really how to tell him to deal with it though... he's beating himself up pretty bad.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Oh this is a fun one. I've definitely had experience with this before and while I am by no means an expert, here is what I've found helps me:

    1. Deal with it yourself. If he wants to confront her about it every time it bothers him then all it's going to do is drive a huge wedge between them. Whenever it is bothering him, he should find ways of dealing with his feelings that don't involve talking to her.
    2. Talk to people about it. Never underestimate the power of just getting shit off your chest. If he is having trouble with it, tell him to talk to friends about how he feels.
    3. Get different perspectives. If he talks to one person who thinks she is a whore then obviously that isn't going to help. I find the thing that helps me most is to get as many people's perspectives as possible when something is bothering me. Many times this helps me see things in a way I couldn't before.
    4. Don't obsess. Easier said than done, I know. Running away from out feelings obviously isn't the answer, but that said, sometimes it is not a bad idea to distract ourselves from things that are messing with us. Don't ignore the feelings, but make an effort to focus on other things in your life.
    5. Look at yourself. If he is confident that he wants to make things work, but can't seem to let this go, then it might be worth getting outside help. Anything from books to couples counseling depending on how crazy he feels and how important this relationship is to him.

    There are other tips and tricks that can help like meditation, journaling, etc., but those are the main points I would make. Again I'm not an expert, but I definitely have experience with this matter. Unfortunately there is no magic solution, but these are the things I've found helped me.
     
  3. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    They were naked and the guy had a condom on?

    She definitely fucked him.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    Your friend will just have to find out for himself :dunno: Pretty much nothing you tell him will matter usually.
     
  5. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    One would think, but Ive been the other guy before. She even took my clothes off, lead the entire encounter right up until I was about to penetrate when she stopped me and said she couldn't do it...............................so I gave her a donkey punch :rofl: But really, she may not have fucked the guy. However, if you're friend cant get over it they are never going to be able to work it out.
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Does it really even matter if there was penetration? I mean they were naked and engaged in sexual activities. Hell if you really want to fuck with your friend, ask him if either one of them came.

    Seriously though my girl and I broke up for a while and when we eventually got back together she had been with a couple people. I can't say I like the idea and it certainly bothers me from time to time, but he basically has to just think of it like he and his girl hit the reset button. So whenever they got back together- anything that happened before is like it happened before they ever got together. I mean were they virgins before they met? If not then he needs to realize that her hooking up with guys before him the first time is the same as her doing it this time.
     
  7. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    "Seriously though my girl and I broke up for a while and when we eventually got back together she had been with a couple people."

    same thing here, both her and i had been with other people. It bothered me but then i realized that I can't be a hypocrite regarding it.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Yeah, it was harder for me because I actually took some time off from dating and when I did start dating again nothing ever went that far. So in my head I was freaking out like she didn't actually care that much about me or relationships in general just aren't that important to her because she hooked up with a couple guys casually.

    I just had to look at it and see that hooking up with a couple people over a period of many months is normal for a lot of single people. It doesn't mean she doesn't really care about me or that she isn't ready for a relationship. Some people are just capable of having casual sex and I am not one of those people.

    Of course it still makes me sick to think about her with some other guy, but everyone has a history. If you think about your SO and his/her ex in the throws of passion, then of course it's going to upset you. That's a normal reaction. What isn't normal is to obsess about it.
     
  9. Bugalu

    Bugalu OT Supporter

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    word
     
  10. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    You need to realize that the past really does not matter if the person legitimately is with you and with you only.

    I remember when I was dumb I brought it up that it bothered me. The response I got was "Babe, I'm all yours now. Whoever I've been with before should not even be discussed."
     
  11. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    loll
     
  12. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I'm not gonna say she did or didn't. They were both naked... a condom was on. Supposedly it was a long day and they were both tired and the guy decided not to. I'll confront her about whether or not he actually had his dick in her at one point or not (that seems to be the big thing that's bothering my friend). I know, and he knows, that shit went on if they were both naked... however he feels much better about it if the other dude didn't have his dick in her at all.

    I think I could say I'd probably feel better about that too.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: "Well I got this condom on and we're here in bed naked together making out and fondling....but you know what? I am too tired, so let me take this thing off and we'll call it a night...." :rofl:

    I bet they had sex and it was nothing special at all and now she'll deny it until it doesn't matter anymore (i.e. they are broken up for good).
     
  14. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  15. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    I mean, I've thrown a condom on to fuck in the shower, but it was too cramped so I had to pull out after like 2 mins of trying to get it to work
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I don't understand why this even matters really. I mean what if instead of having sex he came on her face? Are you really glad they didn't have sex now? Anyway the point is- they touched each other's no no special places and he either has to find a way to get past that or it will ruin their chances of working things out.
     
  17. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    to me, penetration, oral, whatever, is all the same
     
  18. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    either she was a big girl or you weren't trying hard enough...
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Tell him to move on.

    The only reason his feelings are "stronger than ever" are because she's gone and he misses her.

    She's not gf material. She allowed herself to get naked in bed with another guy. She might as well have fucked him because it's the same thing. Either her attraction to her bf wasn't high enough to be loyal to him or she's just a person who isn't mentally configured to do LTRs.

    Tell him to move on. He's a guy and should see the logic in why this is right.

    edit - yeah, i just read another reply in here. Your friend shouldn't be concerned with if he put his dick in her or not. He should be concerned that his gf allowed herself to a) be in a situation alone with another guy b) got in bed with him, c) got naked in bed with him. Hello! Those are dumpable offenses. If I went to my gf and said "hi honey, sorry, I got in bed with another chick and we got naked and I put a condom on and we were going to have sex but then I changed my mind and didn't," do you think my gf would say "oh baby, I'm so glad you didn't have sex with that other girl! I love you so much!! Let's get married!!!" Fuck no, my gf would be like "gtfo you whore."
     
  20. MrMakaveli

    MrMakaveli Loyal to the game

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    how long was their breakup? and if he broke it off, she cant be held accountable for her actions during the split .. whatever they may have been.

    You said it best.. if they love eachother/etc, they'll eventually sort things out and get together.. hopefully trusting eachother again at some point

    I dont believe it.. both naked, he's wearing a rubber, but nothing happened? talk about blue balls for him :ugh2:
     
  21. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    this sounds silly. he really has no right to be mad about what she did after he dumped her.

    he needs to remember he broke up with her and so she moved on to another guy. did he hook up with no one else either?
     
  22. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    did you read the original post? they were broken up during this time... she wasn't being unfaithful. HE broke up with HER, then she almost (maybe actually) fucked another guy. He can't be MAD at her. He has only two options, get over it and be with her, or let it bother him and don't get back w/ her.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Tell your friend that it's never wise to try and get back with an ex when you go through the "bargaining" phase.
     
  24. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I think he tried. I remember him telling me he was chilling with this one girl but he and screwed that up or something (probably because he was like 8 years older than her... she was immature as fuck) and besides one girl at a concert which never went past the concert. So not really... from my understanding he starting realizing he cared for her more than he previously thought and it kept him from doing shit with other girls... I dunno. He's never had a problem with women before, I've known him almost my whole life.
     
  25. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    sounds like he went back to the gf cause he couldnt get ass anywhere else....and hes pissed cause she could
     

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