SRS How do you deal with friends, who when they get a SO they stop hanging out?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ancoats, Feb 17, 2007.

  1. Ancoats

    Ancoats New Member

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    Its not THAT big an issue for me, as I have tons of friends I can always chill with, but the dude in question has been my best friend for nearly thirteen years, so obviously I miss chilling out with him.

    When he's single he's always around with me and my other friends that are part of that specific social circle, and we all have a great time, however when he gets a girlfriend he literally disappears off the radar, and friday and saturday nights he chooses to spend with his girlfriend.

    Thats not a problem for me, as I live in a different city for college, so obviously am not around most weekends, but I have been home for the past four weeks (semester break) and every weekend he has shrugged me off in favour of spending time with his girlfriend. I wouldnt mind if we hung out during the week, but he works nightshift so obviously cant socialise at the times when we usually do.

    Lately, when I've called him up to chill, even offering to buy him a beer or two (which worked in the past to get him out) he's point blank refused, the climax coming today when I called him up for the first time since Tuesday and asked if he would like to come out for a few beers with his best friend before I go back to college for two months... he told me he was too busy, as he had to tidy his room (I rang at 5pm, we're not usually out til 10pm :ugh:) and that for me was the final straw as I know him inside out, and I know if his girlfriend had called up he would have bent over backwards to go and see her

    Meh, am I being a bit over-sensitive? Its not the first time he's done it, and when his relationships fail (mainly due to not giving his girlfriends personal time and space) he is always asking me, or the group of friends if we're doing anything that weekend. Last night me and the group were talking about how pissed off we get with him disappearing off the radar for months at a time, to return when he is single.

    Another thing, he's 22 and 9 months, his girlfriend is 16 and 2 months, so what the hell do they have in common to spend all that time together? :hs:

    Advice?
     
  2. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Jeez, that's quite an age difference there, considering she's only 16. My friend used to do that to me a lot - she would get a boyfriend and never want to hang out with me. If I convinced her to come out with us, she would bring him at the last minute. Then she'd complain they were around each other too much and she needed a break. It was pretty similar to your situation. I just let her have her fun and spent time with other friends. I'd try to have as good a time as possible if she brought him out with us. We had known each other since we were 5, so we're talking 10+ years by this point that we were best friends. There's not much you can do about someone like that.
     
  3. quickone

    quickone New Member

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    im goin through the same bullshit and i live with the guy and NEVER see him he spends all his time at his gf/s house and they only been together like 6 months and plan on movin in together...dropped us all like fuckin garbage he used to be my best friend. she has changed him for the worse and idk how he cant see it or how he can be so manipulated but im furious with him and her. sorry i cant offer any advice but goodluck im dealing with the same garbage.
     
  4. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    A while back I had a good friend whose girlfriend wouldn't allow him to see me anymore (the fuck? Self esteem issues anyone?) simply because I have tits and a cooter. He called me up and said "um, Ellie won't allow me to see you anymore so that's it. Bye." That's the last I heard of him for three years until I bumped into him one day and he told me Ellie had dumped him for the country Spain (yeah, another story there).

    He admitted he made a serious mistake in letting her dictate who his friends could be and he said he was really sorry about the whole mess. Ten years later we're still buddies. :)

    In retrospect, if a person is going to ignore friends for an SO, they're really not worth it (I read my friend the riot act for letting his g/f dictate who he could be friends with, I actually told himhe was spineless) and he said to this day he thanked me for it. He had another gf who tried to pull the same shit and he told her if she didn't like his friendshp with me, there's the door, don't let it hit her on the way out :big grin:
     
  5. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Its fucked up, but thats how alot of people are. Some people find solace and peace of mind in their SO, and become addicted to them. One of my closest friends stopped chilling with all of her friends for her new boyfriend. She was going to move to Cali and go to school, now she is moving in with him and not planning on going to school. There really isn't much you can do but sigh and shake your head.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why do you let him continue to treat you like that? If a girl treated you like that would you put up with it? He's told you over and over that he doesn't want to hang out, most people would get it by now and stop bugging him. You can't hang onto old friendships forever, people tend to grow apart as they get older. I don't see any reason why you would consider him your best friend except that you've known him for so long. If he was really your best friend then he'd want to spend time with you once in awhile.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Talk to him. Get specific on which behaviors annoy you and why, and explain how they make you feel in a non-aggressive way. Then, wait to see what his reaction is and whether he chooses to change. He may not really understand the impact his actions have.

    You can't make him change, but you can choose not to associate with him if you feel he's disrespecting you and/or the friendship and that the friendship isn't worth the hassle. It's a question of how much you choose to put up with. Don't forget, too, that it's ok to have acquaintances. You're not obligated to consider him a friend of yours if you think he's not pulling his weight.

    I think the OP wouldn't be having such a hard time dropping him and moving on if the guy wasn't coming around again after every breakup and acting like nothing ever changed. I'd find that yo-yo-ing behavior annoying, too. "What am I, chopped liver?" :hahano:
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    There could be another side to that though. Maybe he only comes around when he's single because he has noone else. He could just be using the OP to occupy his time until he finds a new chick. I wouldn't consider someone a friend if they only talked to me when they didn't have anyone else to hang out with.
     

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