How do you convince yourself that it wasn't meant to be

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by perfectquietude, Oct 1, 2008.

  1. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    this guy i dated seemed to be just the right guy for me. He treated me so well and we were having some really amazing times together.

    You know how you can just tell when someone cares about you? They do little things for you, or they take care of you when you're sick, or they tell you things they would never tell anyone else?-- that's how he was to me.

    I clearly cared about him, and I had actually voiced my opinion to him about wanting a relationship about a month and a half in and he said he was not ready for one because he was still dealing with issues he had with his last relationship that ended in March. They were definitely deep seated issues, and that relationship had gone on for 2 years. I don't want to get into it, but I think he had a good reason to not want a relationship yet.

    Anyways so 2 weeks went by and I didn't say anything to him about the relationship thing because I decided that I knew he cared about me so why should I bug him about a relationship when i knew he was not seeing anyone else and I knew he cared about me.

    Then something awful happened.. basically we went to a party and we kind of got split up the entire time. Girls were hitting on him, and I got pretty drunk. A lot of really overwhelming things happened for him that night and I think the night set something off in his mind.. I am still trying to figure out what happened myself.

    the next day he told me (OVER THE PHONE) that he didn't see our relationship going anywhere, and that he thought i cared about him more than he cared about me and that if we continued things he would just be leading me on...

    It came as a complete shock.. because before that everything was going great.. AND i know he wasn't planning this because he talked about going to an event together in November and made other such plans for the future in the past week.

    I guess the hardest part is trying to convince myself that he didn't care about me like I was soooo convinced that he did. We had that conversation about a week ago and he is still talking to me on AIM and through text every couple days... we had two 1 and a half hour conversations on AIM... in the last week... but they were completely casual friendly conversations.

    As far as he knows I'm completely fine. I haven't acted sad or broken up about this which is completely out of character... (at home I am way bent out of shape at times..but I refuse to let him know I'm like this)

    I guess I'm half in denial/ half accepting this.. and i just need to know what I should do to move forward..

    this realllly sucks :(
     
  2. scottmcl

    scottmcl New Member

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    Wow... sorry to hear that. I guess in a way its good to know that now, rather then finding out farther down the road.

    You had some fun together right? So no loss there, keep your happy memories and move on.

    don't regret what could not be...
     
  3. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    and ill never do it again
     
  4. 92'camaro

    92'camaro poop happens

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    i'm going to have to go with if things didn't work out then they're not meant to be.


    also you sound like your 15, shit happens but life goes on, and theres plently more people
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sorry to hear. I remember your threads on him before and the sad truth is timing has a HUGE amount to do with successful relationsips.

    Sounds like he just deep down was nowhere ready to settle down again. I'm sure he does/did care about you, he wouldn't have dated you otherwise....but you just might not be the right one for him :dunno:

    Try hard not to let this affect how you feel about yourself. I get a feeling you are wondering "what is wrong with me?" and that is not at all how you should feel. There are millions of guys out there, some of which have no real baggage, at least not recent baggage.

    It's also a mistake to keep talking to him right now. Every time you talk you are only going to re-open the wound and keep wishing you two were something more. Either ignore his attempts to chat or just flat out tell him you'd think it would be better for you if you had some distance because you can't be "friends" right now.
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i like to tell myself that he is the one missing out, not me. if he wasnt smart enough to snatch you up right away, then hes not the right one for you.

    it sounds like a lot of bad timing was involved with this. rebounds are hard (which is what you were) and they dont always work out. i dont doubt that he cared about you and you shouldnt try to convince yourself otherwise. but it is possible to care about someone, and then change your mind and decide he needed or wanted something different. i think its actually a really good thing he told you he wasnt ready for the relationship when he knew that was exactly what you wanted. it seems like he was trying to be honest and trying not to hurt you

    just like with any break-up, keep yourself busy, and try not to talk to him and :hug:
     
  7. PresidentJames

    PresidentJames New Member

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    ask me later.
    and at 15 nobody knows what real love is ne wayz.:eek4:
     
  8. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    Just realize that if it was meant to be it would have been.
     
  9. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    wow thanks for being dicks when I feel like shit. I'm not fifteen you assholes.
     
  10. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    for those of you who actually said something to try to help, i appreciate it.
     
  11. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    It's always going to be hard when something that was really special in your life is taken away. It's going to take time, and you just need to realize and accept that. It's not something you can really convince yourself of, because that might only push the pain away for a little bit. Eventually you have to deal with the pain and move past it. There are plenty of other people out there for you, but it might take some time before you find one and/or are ready to start a relationship with them.
     
  12. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    he's tried to initiate conversations 2 or 3 times since i posted this..wtf...
     
  13. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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  14. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    :hs: Just takes time.. Keep yourself busy.
     
  15. fray

    fray New Member

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    Any of these are possibilities - he a) lost his free pass to sex and is missing it, b) figured he had you wrapped around his finger and could string you along however long he wanted and this surprised him, c) feels this is for the best, but is sorry about how things went down.

    Sounds like he didn't have his shit together and you were being hurt by it, so no need to stick around or worry just because he is calling. Find things to keep yourself busy and try to move on.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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