How do you comfort your g/f when she's upset?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BiG_aL, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. BiG_aL

    BiG_aL New Member

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    My g/f gets pretty upset over something probably twice a year, not often. And every time I dunno what to do besides give her a hug, try to agree with her (usually her reasoning for being upset is a rational one), and cuddle with her. Maybe go for a walk to get her mind off things.

    I'm not a man of many words so trying to talk it out would probably not work well.

    In most situations what would you do? Just be a listener or try to solve the problem and give input?
     
  2. Laserbeak

    Laserbeak Remember kids! Be like Billy! BEHAVE YOURSELVES!

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    Hmm, it's hard to make a suggestion with no background info on what causes this.

    If you don't mind me asking, is it related to a death / major loss in the family or someone really close to her? It seems to me like the most logical explanation as to why her situation happens at certain times of the year. If so, I'm sorry about her loss.

    In any event, all I would really recommend at this point is to just be there for her if she needs it, and to let her deal with it in the best way she knows how.
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    most of the time, all i want is a hug. :hsd:



    those other times? tell me this (the situation) is silly, and not worth the energy, and then give me a hug.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    NEVER EVER try to solve the problem unless she asks you to. That is one of the worst things you can do and it will only make her more upset because she will think you aren't listening to her. All you need to do is be there for her, listen (that means actually listen and not interrupting or trying to give your opinion without her asking for it) and physically comfort her if she wants that. And if she needs space then give it to her.
     
  5. BiG_aL

    BiG_aL New Member

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    by a few times a year, I mean she doesn't get upset often.

    As for the situation.

    She had a house lined up to live in next year (university students), with some good friends of her and along with some other randoms.
    Anyways, she had it all lined up was trying to find out when she had to sign the lease etc for the past 2 weeks or so. Then last night her friend sends her a fucking email of all things, saying "uhhh someone else signed the lease with us, sorry for any inconvenience". There's more depth to the story but that's the general gist of it I guess.
     
  6. Teh Jebus

    Teh Jebus Active Member

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    I let her slap me around a bit. Maybe punch me. Kick me in the crotch. Usually helps with things.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'll just repost this Falconer thing from
    because it's a guy-speak version of Midgetized's advice:

     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I find that when my lover gets upset she tries not to be too emo because she doesn't want to be ... emo. or to take it out on me.

    Which is ironic because there I am hoping she does what she needs to to get through it. :doh:

    It's one of those "you can have the salt," / "no you can have it, it's ok," / "no, for real, you can have the salt," moments I thought I'd never find myself having. Except with feelings and not with dinner table traffic jams.

    I can explain that last paragraph. :o
     
  10. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    cuddle with her. or Taze her.
     
  11. BATMANs

    BATMANs New Member

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    I relish vaginas in distress.

    Snuggest fit.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Depends on your gf.

    I've had GFs who talking and hugging and stuff would fix whatever was wrong, and I had one GF who would isolate herself when she got really pissed off and if I tried to talk to her about it it would make things worse :ugh: Actually she was kinda crazy anyway...
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like she's not totally herself yet around you...or she's a pushover :mamoru:
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ha ha :mamoru:

    you win? :dunno:
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    No, I'm being serious and sincere. I was just putting it out there because that's what I gathered. People who care that much about small things like that (I know the salt thing was just an example) usually aren't comfortable with the other person, or just naturally keep quiet about what they really want. What do you think?
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'm really glad you understood the last paragraph. I was on the verge of cutting all words with more than one syllable out of my posts.

    I always used to look at my mom and her husband and watch them go back and forth salt-shaker-style. I never knew what to make of it. That shit would never happen to me.

    In answer to your question, what I depicted here was not borne of discomfort or a lack of comfort.

    We've taken grandtastic dumps in front of each other. I've been living with her for months. It would be hard not to be comfortable. (I don't believe in the phrase "too comfortable". When I hear that, I think people really just mean, "bored". Personally I can be comfortable in this sense and excited at the same time.)

    Em's got her own way of getting shit done. It's in the effervescent, "Do you want to?" vein of suggestion, which I have begun to adopt with certain people myself.

    "Do you want to hold this while I ... ?"

    Whereas I tend to say something more along the lines of,

    "Here."

    Sometimes Emily has to self-deprecate - it's most especially important if she's out Glamazonning at night - in order for people to feel like she is "down to earth" and not arrogant / threatening / bossy / whatever.

    So if you just read the dialogue that I put here verbatim, without seeing what she's like in person, you could get the wrong impression. One person saying, "I guess that's what a dork I am," is completely different from another person saying it.

    Emily is a strong woman. There is nothing less attractive to me than a pushover. I love strong women. Luv. :love:

    That doesn't mean there can't be strong women I might dislike. But it's not their strength I would dislike. :hsugh:

    In fact, I used to hate pushovers - male and female both. But that's retarded. They're not hate-worthy. I was just being a malevolent prick.

    Hope this gives you some insight.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Rock on.
     
  18. Oerdin

    Oerdin New Member

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    Boring but true. Women like to sit and whine about things.
     
  19. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    "Ohh baby, that must be so brutal, you don't deserve that." Hold, stroke hair, wipe tears, make tea.

    Just give her attention, sympathy and empathy if possible. Oh and never under any circumstances offer a solution to her problem, women and logic do not mix.
     
  20. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Laruen and midgitsized are right.
    Hear her out, don't try to solve her problem (you can't, and she doesn't want you to), and wait it out
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I wrote this in another thread but I will quote my statement here:

    You actually did the right thing in my opinion. As a woman I can tell you that almost always when we are upset about something we just want to be heard. One of my fav books is called "You Just Don't Understand" by a sociologist who studied how men and women differ when wanting to talk about things. It basically tells you that when women have a problem we like to talk about it...but don't necessarily need any kind of answer. Men are natural-born problem-solvers and try and help with an answer.

    The best thing you can do is listen to her, be compassionate, and honestly ask her "is there anything I can do?" When a woman knows or at least thinks a guy cares about what she is going through she's even more appreciative.
     
  22. xduRRx

    xduRRx 0_o

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    well it depends on the girl really... but yea just listen first, and maybe try to talk it out with her... but if you feel like your pissing her off just shut up and hug her! :)
     

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