maybe it's not him that i really miss... maybe it's just the idea of him. but whatever it is, every time i think about him, my heart beats faster, as mix feelings of happiness, joy, sadness, resentment, and regret rush through me. people always say they never really lived or knew what living was until they meet that special someone. I've found this to be true. before him, i never knew what it felt like to have someone there. i had an idea, but to actually have it and to actually live it, it was far better than i ever imagined. i fell in love with this man. it wasn't lust. it was real true honest love. but it was an unfortunate love that was never met to be nor could ever be. my moments with him are my best moments in life; my favorite memories are all my memories with him. i've never felt more alive than i did with him. now with him gone, i feel so empty. everywhere i go i look for him, or someone like him. there's not a moment in my day when he's not in my mind. he is an unwavering constant in my heart and in my mind. i'm trying everyday to let him go. but it's so damn hard. all my days are a blur. everyday is the same. he made my days special. he gave me something to look forward to. he made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. now without him, i feel so dead. the only way i even feel half alive is when i think of him. which is sad because, every time i think of him, i get really sad, and i always cry. crying is the only time when i feel like i'm actually living these days. aside from the crying, when i'm out in the world, smiling for everyone, pretending to be ok, i'm like a zombie (walking, living, breathing, yet aimlessly going nowhere). sigh** i know what everyone is gonna say... go out there, try new things, meet new people, try to get my mind off him. i know what i'm suppose to do to get over him. it's just easier said than done. rite now... i just want to be by myself, and mope, and miss him. i'm not ready to be over him. i don't think i'll ever be truly over him. so i guess i don't want advice from anyone. i already know what i'm suppose to do, and i've already heard it all. what i want is words of encouragement. or better yet, to just hear other people's story of love and lost.