SRS how do u not miss someone? love&lost

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by lost04, Aug 2, 2009.

  1. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    maybe it's not him that i really miss... maybe it's just the idea of him. but whatever it is, every time i think about him, my heart beats faster, as mix feelings of happiness, joy, sadness, resentment, and regret rush through me.

    people always say they never really lived or knew what living was until they meet that special someone. I've found this to be true. before him, i never knew what it felt like to have someone there. i had an idea, but to actually have it and to actually live it, it was far better than i ever imagined.

    i fell in love with this man. it wasn't lust. it was real true honest love. but it was an unfortunate love that was never met to be nor could ever be. my moments with him are my best moments in life; my favorite memories are all my memories with him. i've never felt more alive than i did with him.
    now with him gone, i feel so empty. everywhere i go i look for him, or someone like him. there's not a moment in my day when he's not in my mind. he is an unwavering constant in my heart and in my mind. i'm trying everyday to let him go. but it's so damn hard.

    all my days are a blur. everyday is the same. he made my days special. he gave me something to look forward to. he made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. now without him, i feel so dead.
    the only way i even feel half alive is when i think of him. which is sad because, every time i think of him, i get really sad, and i always cry. crying is the only time when i feel like i'm actually living these days. aside from the crying, when i'm out in the world, smiling for everyone, pretending to be ok, i'm like a zombie (walking, living, breathing, yet aimlessly going nowhere).

    sigh** i know what everyone is gonna say... go out there, try new things, meet new people, try to get my mind off him. i know what i'm suppose to do to get over him. it's just easier said than done. rite now... i just want to be by myself, and mope, and miss him. i'm not ready to be over him. i don't think i'll ever be truly over him.

    so i guess i don't want advice from anyone. i already know what i'm suppose to do, and i've already heard it all. what i want is words of encouragement. or better yet, to just hear other people's story of love and lost.
     
  2. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    I don't think you can, can you?

    The only way to not miss someone is if you don't care about them in the first place
     
  3. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    yup. i truly believe it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.

    what's preventing me?? that's a long story that will take another long post. long story short: he's indian, i'm asian. it was never meant to be. a lot of people don't understand that. but that's the short version. i'm sad about it, but it's our reality, our fate.
    going in to it, we knew it had to end and was going to end one day. that day came. and now all i have left of him are our memories together. some people might call me stupid for ever getting involve knowing it was going to go no where. but i don't regret it a bit. those moments of feeling that alive were all worth it. i would do it all again in a heartbeat. there's no regret on my part.

    however, it does make it harder now, to find someone else. i know i'm always going to compare them to him. my fear is that i might even end up alone because of this. but there's a part of me-- a small, tiny piece of me that is optimistic that that won't be my fate. i don't believe in settling for anything less than him. and i won't. as long as it takes, i will wait. if i do end up alone, at least i'll always have our memory together. it's sad but i try not to dwell on it. i'm still young. i'm hopeful.

    there's no ill feelings. i'll always wish him well. and i wish him only the best. even though i know i'll do a pretty damn good job loving and taking care of him, i know there's someone out there better suited for him--to fit his world perfectly. love is not selfish. it's about letting go. i haven't yet. but i will let him go. but i'll never let our memories go. they're always be on constant replay in my mind.

    i'm not sure if my story is sad... romantic... depressing.. or what.. but this i know,... it is my story.. it is unique to him and me. some may not understand it. some may laugh at it. but it is my story. this my love story, my tragedy. i will cry; i will laugh; i will be sad; but i am determined to be happy and alive again. and i wish him the same.
     
  4. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    You are right, I don't understand why you (or him) care what your (or his) parents think when it comes to your personal life. It's retarded that people place traditions/cultural differences above their own happiness.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yeah there were more indian people here before who had to do crazy things as a result of tradition, i always gave them the advice to break the tradition and choose life and happyness.

    In my opinion you should still be with him, but as for your current situation i think its better to advice you to bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your hands, otherwhise you just become an emotional soccerball for life or others to play with.

    You are completely lost in a dream and its time to wake up in reality, if i where you id go back to school to progress myself into a higher position in society, i don't know honestly if its a lost case or not, if i where you id consult him and his family if its still possible regarding your case and you two marrying eachother? :dunno:
     
  6. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    you're right. i am completely lost in a dream. i know i need to wake up. but i'm not ready to. i don't even remember falling alseep. how am i suppose to wake up when i never really fell asleep?

    i just graduated from college in june. rite now i'm back at home. i was a bit lost with what i wanted to do with my life...i thought i was gonna be a dentist for my dad. but after a month of teaching, i've decided i want to be a teacher. so right now i have to prepare myself to apply for the teaching credential program in spring.

    a big part of me is still stuck and lost in this silly fantasy of him and me... but i understand i need to move on with my life.... and i'm doing that. i know i need to make myself better.

    marriage between us is not an option.
     
  7. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    love is not selfish. it's not just about ur happiness. it's about other's as well.

    it's hard to explain, and it sucks, but i understand it, and so does he. and we both accept it.

    i know we would both be really happy with each other. but i also know we could be just as happy with another also. life would just be easier apart. it's just gonna take some time to find that other. this waiting sucks.
     
  8. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    you're right. i'm not going to lie. at the beginning of us, we had the "talk." we both knew and understood what we were getting ourselves into. we both understood each other, and respected each other's tradition/culture/family. i knew i was going to fall for him, right on our first date. when he started talking about his family and his love for his culture and tradition, that was the moment i first fell for him. I was so scare. he's everything that i ever wanted in a man. because i was afriad and knew that it wouldn't/couldn't last, i decided to say fuck the world, fuck everything that's right or wrong, i would keep it for as long as i could. sick and twisted but that's what i did. so i told him, we could be together, but only until i finish school (which was 10 months), that was our first rule. rule #2 was: no love.



    He didn’t waste my time. Time was what I had then. Part of the reason why I set the 10month rule was so we could keep it short and simple. No matter what was to happen between us, 10 month was to make sure we both knew when it was exactly going to end. Since we both knew and accepted it wouldn’t/couldn’t go anywhere, we agreed not to waste each other’s time beyond that. It was a mutual understanding.

    In the course of the 10 months, i did fall for him, just as i knew i would. but at the back of my head, i always knew and remembered i was going to have to give him up...i never intended on keeping him beyond our 10 months. but to be honest with you, there was this little ounce of hope in me that wished it would have been different between us. i'm not going to sit here and lie; i did want him to fight for me at the end of it, because i knew if he did, i would have completely thrown everything i knew and fought the world to be with him. Sitting here now, that thought scares me. that would have made my life so complicated... it would have been an obstacle... but it was one that i was ready to endure. but he took the easier route. U may call him a pussy for it, but the way I see it, sometimes it takes more strength and more love to let go than to hold on.

    I could see the love through his eyes, every time he pushed me away. The last few months between us were horrible. We both knew the day was coming, and as that day got closer he started to pull further and further away. I started to let my emotions show, and it scared him. He knew we couldn’t go anywhere with it. And so he fought. He didn’t want me to fall for him more than I had already. He knew I was weak. And so he was strong for the both of us. Being so close yet so far, that’s the worst feeling ever.

    some will sit here and say that i'm making excuses for him, or that he never really loved me or else he would have fought for me. but i know that even though he never said it, he did. i felt it. and i love him so much more for never saying it. he never wanted to complicate my life; he's always wanted what was best for me. and that's the only thing i want for him too.

    although i do dream about being his wife, and do often imagine and smile at the thought of what our life together would be like, i know it would never work. i just know it. and so i have no resentment towards him. it just wasn't meant to be. we defied reality for those 10 months. that's what fate gave us. now we must grow up and move on with our lives.

    this saddness that i feel every single day, this emptyness--there's nothing no one can do for me. i have to do this by myself. i have to find a way to let go and trust me, i'm trying everyday. we haven't talked at ALL since june 30th. this separation is a bitch, but it's necessary. i know one day, we'll be great friends...but for now... we just need space apart. i need to make myself better... concentrate on my career...as does he.

    i'm on a mission... it might be an impossible one but my final destination is ETERNAL BLISS.
     
  9. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    everyday i think about calling him. everyday i wonder how he is. everyday i miss him. everyday i stare at his screen name and wait for him to come on; even when he does comes on and we don't chat, it never fails to bring a warmth to my soul, and a smile to my face knowing that he's alive and well and on the other side.

    maybe i am a lost case. but i'd like to believe that there's still a bit of hope left for me. :-D

    he was my first everything. first kiss, first love--although he may not be the last, he'll always be the first boy i allowed into my heart.
     
  10. CookieMonster

    CookieMonster OT Supporter

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    I'm stuck in the same situation. First girl I loved. First girl I actually cared about. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I refuse to talk to her for what she did to me.

    Today I went an looked at picture of her. It just made my stomach feel all upset. I really want these feelings of me missing her and the love that I have for her to go away.

    I tried going out and hanging with friends and meeting new people. But that doesn't change the way I feel about her. The only way I find this to go away is to meet another girl that I can fall in love with. An that is not very easy for someone to do. Especially when you still love someone else. What I truly want, is her back. After everything she has done to me. I still want her back because I never felt like this about someone else in my life.
     
  11. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    if u want her back then why don't you try to get her back? is there something stopping you?

    with me... no matter how much i want him, i can't have him again. our time is up, and fate won't allow it. if you can still have her, then why don't you? love is about forgiveness. why don't you forgive her for whatever she did and try to make it work if you love her that much?

    people always say that there are many fishes in the sea.. i beg to differ. it's so hard to find someone who compliments you perfectly. love is not easy find.. some people live their whole lives not ever knowing what real true love is. when you have a good one, i say: fight like hell to keep it.

    i'm a hypocrite rite? in my defense, i did give it my all. i threw all my emotions out there. i put aside my pride, and did everything i could to hold on to him for as long as i could. but in the end, he was strong enough to let me go... he did what was best for me and my family, and his family. now i must not be selfish.. i must do what's best for him as well... and that's to let go.

    so i say, if u have a chance with her, you should go for it. lightning doesn't strike twice... if u have it... fight like hell for it.
     
  12. ForevererZero89

    ForevererZero89 New Member

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    time. tme is the only thing that can truly make you feel better. i went through a similar situation and it took me a full year to not be "zombified" took me almost two to completly 100% to be over her. also i disagree with you on the whole "its better to have loved and lost deal", because then you don't have the pain of having total joy being ripped from you, its hard as shit and it hurts way too much, its just not worth it.
     
  13. CookieMonster

    CookieMonster OT Supporter

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    I thought about her all day today. Finally got some balls and sent her a text message to her about how I feel about her and so on. I come to find out she is seeing someone else right now. I thought she wouldn't be seeing someone after a 2 year relationship and the amount of love we had for each other. But I got a big surprise when I did. It just made my heart stop and very angry. It's been 3 months after we broke up. But still. I guess she never felt the way I felt about her. I'm been so depressed/angry since I found out. It's so hard for me to forget about the whole situation. People keep telling me. "Oh you gonna meet someone else" The thing is I really don't wanna meet some one else. Especially when you are in love with someone. I just find it hard how girls/guys can get over someone so quickly. I wish I would of never sent that text. I should have left things along and kept going on with my grieving process.

    It's gonna be very hard to sleep tonight. :(
     
  14. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    :hug:

    as cliche as it may sound...remember that it could always be worse.

    My GF that I was head over heels for went to Hawaii to work for the summer, and ended up meeting someone else and cheating on me. I found out and broke up with her, and she's been seeing him all summer. :hs:

    I've used to the space to do the things she wouldnt let me do, and focus on myself. Cut off any contact with her and do your best to better yourself and be a better person than you were before.
     
  15. CookieMonster

    CookieMonster OT Supporter

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    Thanks man. :hug:
     
  16. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    that's my greatest fear as well. that he might be seeing someone else. it's been 34 days since i've talked to him. i think about texting him everyday... but i don't have the guts to. i wouldn't know what to say, and i'm afraid to know the truth.

    i'm with u on that. i don't understand either how people can get over people so quickly. i've done everything i could with my boy. ball's in his court now. i know he won't do anything...but it's my secret wish that he will.

    i wish u well my friend. u're not alone. i know exactly how u feel.
     
  17. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    i already know it's going to take me at least 2yrs to be ok again. even then, i know i'll never ever truly forget him.

    life is about taking risks. it's not worth it if it doesn't hurt. it only hurts this much now because it WAS something really great. it wouldn't hurt this much if it was just something ordinary. i guess it's a matter of opinion. it's worth it to me.
     
  18. GFlem

    GFlem New Member

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    Um.

    Who really sets time limits on relationships...?
     
  19. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    when u know it can't go anywhere... and u want it too bad..
     
  20. piratepenguin

    piratepenguin New Member

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    i assumed your bf died when i was reading your first post......

    dont know if its easier or harder on you because he isnt

    hows it so hard to let him back in?? or to try?
     
  21. GFlem

    GFlem New Member

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    Sounds like you're making as many excuses as he was.

    Frankly, I don't see why you got into it with him in the first place. Sounds like a waste of time in my opinion, if you're going to poison the relationship from the beginning by adding a deadline.

    How old are you?
     
  22. CookieMonster

    CookieMonster OT Supporter

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    Ever since I texted her I can't quit thinking about her. Man the next couple of days are gonna be rough for me. :(

    Before I texted her I would only think of her maybe once a day or every other day. Now it's like she won't leave my mind. What did I get myself into? :(
     
  23. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    sometimes i think it's harder.. so much more harder...to know that he's there and to not be able to have him... it's so fucking hard.

    it's not hard to let him back in. for me, he's never really left (my mind or my heart).
    but i know it can't happen.

    he's practical. once he's made up his mind... there's no going back. i can't talk him into it. and i don't want to. if he really wants me, i want him to realize that on his own.
    separation is what we need rite now. in time, i guess we'll see if absense does make the heart grow fonder or if it's the opposite... out of sight out of mind.

    regardless of how much i want him, or may just think that i want him... i know we're not meant to be. i know it. it's just hard. i wish i could explain and make everyone see that it's not as simple as everyone think... that it's my choice. it's really not. if it were my choice, and mine alone, i would be with him. but it's not. it's his choice too. he respects his family too much to be with me. and i respect him for that. he's always been honest about that--that's one of the main reasons i fell for him. i love that discipline, that respect. idk it's hard to explain. but i would never want him to give anything up to be with me. everything that he is, are my reasons why i fell in love with him. he's hindi and i'm christian. to see him pray every morning after he showers, and to see him talk with his parents (in india) every night, i love that about him.

    he's perfect for me. but only if i were indian, hindu, and vegetarian. 3 things that i can never be.

    it's really hard to explain, to make people understand my situation. but this is my reality. one that i have no choice but to accept.

    sometimes i get really angry about it. but at the end of the day, i have no choice but to accept and try to move on. i'm trying so hard not to be angry with god. life is so unfair sometimes. :wtc:
     
  24. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    i just turned 22. he's 25.

    it's hard for me to explain. trust me, when i first met him i knew this was going to happen. i knew from the start.
    i wasn't shy about asking him about it on our first date. i even asked him what's even the point of us talking to each other, his answers made sense. we both understood each other. we knew it couldn't go anywhere. but we made each other happy in the moment. even though it was short lived, i don't regret it at all. it was all worth it. i've learned so much from him. he was my first bf. it was an experiece that i would never trade for the world.

    here's a quote from the show one tree hill

    Brooke: George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.
    Nathan Scott: As far as I'm concerned, Shaw was a punk. Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
    Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.


    on my 21st birthday, i wished for someone just like him. and i got him. he was everything i ever wanted and more. he made me feel more alive than i've ever felt. even now, as sad as i am, still... i've never been more alive. he makes me feel. before him, i didn't really know how real emotions felt. i've never lost anyone, i've never truely felt a connection with anyone, i've never loved anyone as much as i did(beside from family love) , until him. as hard as it is to give him up, i accept it, because having him for that short moment in time was worth it to me.
     
  25. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    if it makes u feel any better...he's on my mind 24/7. he won't leave either.


    then the more i think about it... it leads me to conclude...maybe it's me who won't let him leave. :wtc:

    i'm afriad if i stop thinking about him.... our memories will die. i'm not ready for that. i want to remember everything forever. the only way to do that is to keep replaying it in my mind.
     

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