SRS How Do I Tell My GF ...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by unorthadox, May 13, 2009.

  1. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    another excuse
    .. that she is o/w.

    I love her to pieces but it is getting to be a bit of an issue now. I'm not the greatest catch either, but I am starting to get scared for her health especially considering her family history.

    Any words/guidelines on what I should do and say? We've been together for 18 months and I haven't brought this up yet.

    Thank you for any tips.
     
  2. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    overweight?
     
  3. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    sit down and watch the television show "the biggest loser" with her
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    and say "hey, we should work on getting healthy too" and make a routine of exercising and eating better

    hopefully she will catch on and want to be healthy. if not, think about if you want a person like that in your life
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    You don't. You adopt a healthy lifestyle yourself. Eat better, and EXERCISE yourself.

    Then.....invite her to join you. As a fun thing to do.


    You love her? then conquer it together.
     
  6. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    another excuse
    Thanks guys for the fast responses.

    I will try to adopt that mentality Johan. It's a bit tough for me this summer as she lives about an hour away (we're doing the ldr this summer but during the school year its fine). I guess I'll just have to "overload" her with my plans to exercise since I won't actually be able to lead with my actions.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    First: She's already aware that she's having trouble with her weight.

    If you don't live together, one possible option is to ask her if she'd like to go out with you -- such as walking, hiking, or if she'd like to go swimming or do things at the gym. It's important that you set an example though -- getting something for nothing isn't the wisest move. Not only that -- even if you choose to set an example, it doesn't mean she'll follow. You have to be willing to accept her choice.

    You also need to consider whether it's a form of behavior that's bothering you and not merely appearance. Obviously weight is less attractive when it passes some arbitrary line -- but is it because of depression, lazyness and lack of health consciousness, is it a health problem, causing fatigue or metabolism dysfunction etc.

    You can tell which it is just by asking the person some basic questions. "Do you feel you eat right? If no, why don't you?" "Do you like to exercise and do physically active things?" "Do you feel you're overwhelmed or under a lot of stress with some things in your life -- if so, what?"

    The answers given will tell you that weight gain isn't necessarily a conscious choice doing willingly, and so sometimes you are more forgiving of the person if you understand a little more about why they're gaining weight. If they gain weight because of poor habits, lazyness, or that it's simply a personality characteristic, then clearly you have to ask yourself if you're compatible and if you want to face these challenges into the unforeseeable future as health problems manifest.

    If she lives with you, prepare salads every night at dinner. Do not finish cooking the main meal until 30 mins after the Salad has been served. You can also serve Cottage Cheese, Beans and Lentils for the salad, and home made dressings (Get some red wine vinegar, mix it with oil oil, then sprinkle basil, oregano, and Italian seasoning) You can chop fresh garlic if you like, one single clove per person is fine.

    By doing this, you both get into a habit of having that pre-meal and you can eat while the main meal finishes cooking.

    Weight loss will happen quickly if dinner or lunch are meals eaten at home with the salad or vegetables served first.

    Cooking high protein meals with low complex carbohydrates, combined with vegetables, herbs, and such will allow you to eat high fat foods too -- not excessive, but more than usual and the weight will still come off while providing satisfying foods.
     
  8. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    my gf comes to the gym and lifts heavy with me 4 days a week... and shes seeing really good results so far...
     
  9. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    another excuse
    Thanks Blue. Good post there. I have made posts the past about something related to this - I am pretty confident she suffers from a mental disorder. Either OCD/depression, and her dad is bi-polar too. I am thinking more and more now that you mention it that her weight gain is due to stress. Hopefully I can help with that and have a couple plans in my mind such as setting a positive example, getting her away from the toxic environment shes in and seeking professional help for her/us. It will be a weird convo though asking her if she wants to seek prof. help.
     
  10. teep

    teep New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    4,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    that can work, but the thing about diet and exercise is you have to do it for YOU. otherwise it's not going to work. i was struggling with this with my last girl. it worked well for a couple months, but ultimately she didn't want it for herself bad enough and she fell back in to old habits. :hs:

    try to find something you guys can train for together. something with a specific goal. my buddy and his gf have gotten pretty out of shape and they signed up to do a 6k run together for charity. once you have a specific goal in mind motivation comes easy.
     
  11. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Very wise choices. Be aware not to play counselor. Be supportive and listen, but don't give advice in respect to helping her work through family problems, or mental illness. Listening and encouraging her once in a great while (every few months) is fine, if she brings it up, but the only way for your relationship to stay healthy is not to be consumed or involved in the treatment or the chronic suggestion of treatment. A lot of partners "nag" someone to solve a family or mental health problem and this is not constructive.

    Also, remember that she has to willingly move away from the toxic environment and not merely say [I want to], wanting to consciously, doesn't mean she's willing to in reality.

    So actions are what matter. If she's not willing to act, but is only willing to talk -- don't push or suggest anything beyond that until she talks about it down the road.

    It's all about being supportive and encouraging, but not controlling the direction or trying to solve her problem. If you can do that, and just set an example -- hopefully she'll follow. They say that great leaders don't expect excellence, but rather they "build" excellence -- that's how we all should be with our partners. If they don't follow, you still profit by the positive things you do for yourself and that is the most important thing in this entire situation.
     
  12. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    oh yeah because thats what happens everytime someone starts working out :rolleyes:
     
  13. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    I think we can safely say his advice is consistently bad (not yours, his)

    I've been in that situation. Everything about the girl was good except for a few extra pounds. Basically bad eating habits from the family. So we both joined the gym and went for a run along the beach every morning.

    I sat her down and just said "I've been feeling really lethargic at the moment so I'm going to get up every morning to run along the beach to give me a bit more energy. I went yesterday and it looked so amazing I want to share it with you". And away we went. Make it some time for both of you to spend together. not just another chore to do.

    That and frantic sex burns lots of calories.
     
  14. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    east of here
    Small life style changes can help too. Taking the stairs instead of an elevator/escalator; parking further away. Taking a jog together on a regular basis. Just get out and do some fun outdoor stuff together. As far as food, dont try to start some crazy diet. If you make small changes and opt to eat a little healthier a little at a time, the changes become easier.

    And definitely do it together. Its much easier when you have support there.
     
  15. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    another excuse
    Thanks J, et all. I'll try it out this coming weekend when I see her. Bringing my rollerblades down to see her (no homo, i play hockey) so should be fun!

    Cheers all.
     
  16. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    Get involved in some activity you can both do ride bikes or something...was she always o/w or just recently?

    not necessarily plenty of women are thin then get married and have kids and blow up like a whale while the husband stays the same...I know ladies sometimes the husband does too :hs:
     
  17. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    thats when divorce is justified IMO. the guy was not thinking "hey, i want to marry a whale for the rest of my life" and then BAM thin wife becomes whale wife
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Note: Please be aware that the Asylum asks members to support and show the same respect to those overweight as as they would anyone else here, this includes being sensitive to those who may be reading - and are overweight - but not actively participating thru posting.
     

Share This Page