How do I tell her I dont want a relationship?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Casino, Sep 16, 2007.

  1. Casino

    Casino Guest

    I met this girl yesterday and we hooked up that night. We didn't get any further then making out and feeling each other. I thought it was just going to be a one night thing, and thats what I wanted, i don't want a relationship.

    But now this morning I get the feeling she wants a relationship. She always visits my dorm, wants me to go to Church with her tonight and always hang out with her. When we walk around campus she wants to hold hands and shit. I do not want this, but she seems so happy. What is the best way to tell her? I was thinking to just straight up say I don't want a relationship, but I like her as a friend and don't want to be mean.
     
  2. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    Seriously though, just be honest. Don't let another day go by with you making her think there is a possibility of you being interested in a relationship. Ask her out for coffee, tell her to come by your dorm, etc.. and let her know you had a good time and you think she's a great girl but you do not want a relationship at this point in time.
     
  3. PC

    PC Active Member

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    :bowrofl:
     
  4. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    You're in a very similar to situation to me, however I've decided that I may in fact want a relationship so things might be changing.

    My advice is that since you're still very early on with this girl and things haven't developed yet you need to be 100% completely honest with her. If it gets to the point where you've been leading her on for a while then things will become much more difficult. Explain to her that you aren't looking for a relationship right now, whether it be because you have too many other responsibilities and commitments, you don't want a distraction from school, or you just simply don't want one -- whatever. You need to make it clear to her how you feel because she will be hurt a lot more two weeks down the road.
     
  5. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    'I like you as a friend and do not want to lead you on. I am not interested in a relationship and am sorry If you I gave you that impression.'

    Take some blame, it will make her feel better, even if there is nothing to be sorry about.

    That should do it.
     
  6. b16

    b16 New Member

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    "I don't want a relationship."
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Answered your own question.
     
  8. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Why did you say she "always" visit your dorms and want to hang out when you only met her yesterday? Just tell her straight up, it's only been one day I'd doubt she is in love with you.
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    That's kinda what I was wondering. The details in his post don't really make sense.
     
  10. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    I think it's best to be honest.

    The worst thing you can do is get her hopes up until you finally burn out and tell her off. By that time you'll probably have an even harder time being honest with her and you'd be likely to say bullshit like "can we at least be friends?", like in most conventional break ups. And by that time you aren't likely to even want her as a friend.

    The choice is yours though.
     
  11. Ace Ventura

    Ace Ventura OT Supporter

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    thats perfect. just used that line, thanks.
     
  12. stag3

    stag3 Quagmire(runs outside in a robe):Hey guys, what's

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    :rofl:
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    The same way chicks tell dudes they don't want a relationship ALL THE TIME.

    "Sorry, I just don't like you in that way."
     
  14. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    You don't know if you want a relationship with someone until you date them and get to know them better. It would be stupid as hell to become someone's boyfriend/girlfriend just right off the bat without getting to know them. You spend time together to learn each other.
     
  15. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    So wait, you're asking why bother hooking up with someone if you know you don't know what a relationship? I think the obvious answer here is...fun. I'm not the type of person who gets with people if I'm not interested in dating them, but I know people that do and as long as both people are on the same page, it tends to work out fine. I don't think hooking up with someone is enough to make them think that you want an exclusive relationship but I could see how people might think that.
     
  16. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    frequency/lengths of time you see her.

    if you dont want a relationship, dont see them more than once a week (twice on exception) and no phone calls/sms/anything other than to set up that date
     
  17. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Gotcha :) Misunderstood what you were saying.



    On another note.. I just told the girl I was 'talking' to that I wasn't looking for a relationship (ok, I sort of am a little bit, but definitely not with her) and it made me feel like an asshole for a few minutes but I'm already over it. It went as follows:

    Me: So.. over the past few days I've been thinkin about things a lot and I've realized I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.

    Her: oh yeah I was thinkin about that last night too *staring at the ground the whole time*

    Me: Yeah, I've just got a lot on my plate with so much work and school. I don't really have the time or desire to commit to a relationship right now

    Her: No, yeah, totally .. I've got a lot too *still staring at the ground*

    Me: Oh I see how it is, you felt the same way but made me do the hard part of bringing it up *trying to be funny at the time*

    Her: Heh, yea.. well .. ok

    Me: Alright well I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page so that I wasn't leading you on any more than I might have already, which I'm sorry for.

    Her: No.. its.. yea.. ok.. well I'll talk to you later


    The whole 2 minute conversation she was staring at the ground and sounded like she was about to cry. I asked her if she was ok afterwards and she was just like "yeah mhmm" and got out her cell phone and started fiddling with it, not even texting/calling anyone.

    I felt sort of bad for about 3 whole minutes while I finished walking to my car but realized that if I hadn't done it now it would have only made things worse, I suggest the same to you (thread OP).


    I knew I had to do it today because last night she sent a message to one of my good friends telling her how much she liked me. It has been 7 days total since I started talking to this girl and I already felt like she was on stage 5 clinger mode.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    ^Glad you got that shit over with!
     
  19. giz

    giz Active Member

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    funny I should run across this thread tonight.

    I had this same convo with a girl that I have been seeing lately. We've known each other for the better part of a year but really seeing/talking to each other frequently this past month.

    I told her tonight that I wasn't interested in a relationship. It was a hard decision to come to and it has more to do with the fact that I'm afraid of commitment than anything else. I liked the girl but just couldn't do it.

    I feel pretty shitty now about it, but hopefully that will pass soon. Honestly I feel like I don't ever want to be involved with a women ever, which is kind of a scary thought. :hs:

    Sorry to go offtopic, glad to hear you told her how you felt and avoided leading her on crimson.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You did in NY
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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