SRS How do I stop feeling like this?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 4W4K3, Aug 23, 2006.

  1. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    The GF and I broke up, we were 2 weeks away from our 3 year anniversary.

    She wanted to experience something new, see how it was being single, just not be so tied down to me.

    At first it was just a break, but I know she was uncertain if she ever wanted to get back with me. So I told her, it might be easier jsut to break up. She can date other dudes, I might date other girls (yah right, i feel like shit :ugh:) and we wouldn't have to feel guilty since we aren't really together. If she wanted to get back together I'd take her back, and we both agreed if that didn't happen we could still be really good friends. we both still have alot of eachothers stuff, so we have to meet sooner or later lol.

    but i dont know what to do. i feel like i lost everything. i dont want to keep hoping she comes back, because if she doesn't it'll jsut make things worse.

    fuck me. this wasn't supposed to happen :wtc:
     
  2. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    how old ae you?
     
  3. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    18, i'm a freshmen in college. she is 17 and about 9 months younger than i, just starting her senior year in highschool.

    it may be normal for this to happen, but i just iddnt see it coming you know? she was always saying she'd be there for me, she wanted to spend her life with me, etc. and then all of a sudden this happens.

    is she just scared of the commitment, and wants to taste something different for a while and then get back with me? or was it all jsut a lie? i know she meant alot of what she said, jsut as i did...but lately, everything just seemed so fake. like she said it just so i would shutup...
     
  4. FluffNugget

    FluffNugget aww Baby Zero aww OT Supporter

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    This is the best advice you will get. Don't be cold with her, but put some distance between you and her and go flirt with every girl you can. You're young anyways, you should be trying new and different things. You may just discover that you'd be happier with someone else.

    Being that close to someone is very special, but all good things must come to an end, so that new good things can happen.
     
  5. FluffNugget

    FluffNugget aww Baby Zero aww OT Supporter

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    oh, and the asylum would also be a good place to look for advice on this topic.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    agreed, and good luck
     
  7. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    That's what alot of my guy friends are telling, which is kind of weird. Because I'm talking to her friends, and they are all trying to get her to stay with me. I don't think anyone is pressuring her to "try new things" but the one guy who likes her, and herself, if that makes sense.

    I'm talking to her cousin, her brother, all her friends...we are all still great friends. They all are telling me the same thing. She'll get over w/e she is going through and get back to me. But then I talk to my college buddies and they are telling me to forget her and move on a just go fuck some other girl.

    So yah...I'm confused lmao. I think her cousin has given me the best advise so far. Dont bug her, wait for her to talk to me. I am so anxious to try and message her or e-mail her...but that'll probly just ruin any chance i have at anything with her. She's not dating anyone else right now, I don't think she plans to really...but just not talking to her at all sucks major.

    I guess I should try and chill out though, see who else is out there, maybe it's jsut not meant to be. I was never real outgoing when it came to chicks, probably still really shy...i don't even know. i jsut don't want to jump into anything too soon, and then find out she wanted me back. if i got into a relationship right now it would just be because i'm lonely, like a "rebound" kind of thing. i don't really think i need that or want that.
     
  8. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    holy crap dude. You are only 18!!!! There are so many things in life you can and need to experience! This may seem like a set back now, but just know that you WILL be happier in the long run. Now focus on all the fun you WILL have, not all the fun you DID have.

    When you are young, you make memories. When you are old, you can dwell on them.
     
  9. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    I don't enjoy alot of the things "college age kids" do. I know you're right...but I don't think any kind of "fun" is even comparable to a real loving relationship. Maybe not with her, but anybody I can find that in. I was never happy being single before I met her, and I'm not happy being single now...even if I can go out and "do what I want". Maybe alot of people don't understand that...I'm just happier when I'm with somebody. Maybe not necessarily her anymore...but somebody. That's what I'm missing now, that's why I feel like shit!

    EDIT: Meh, I'm going to go chill with my big sis', she is in town for 2 days. I'm stilll hanging out with my ex-GF's friends on the weekends...hell I'm going to church with her mom and cousin still...we just aren't together I guess. It will be weird, but it's better than sitting at home all weekend moaping around. I don't have any real friends in town, I'd have to drive a hell of a long way...and I don't feel like I need to do that again. I did that last weekend...
     
  10. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    Then find a rebound. The point is you are really young to be limiting yourself to your avenues of enjoyment. You say you only have fun when in a relationship. Is this because you dont feel safe outside of one, or because you feel like your relationship adds to a sense of worth?

    You may need to step outside of your comfort zone a little on this one, and experiment with life. You may find someone / something that makes you even happier than you ever were with her, but you will never know if you mope in your room reminiscing about things past.

    Have you ever experienced the rush of a one night stand? Or the thrill of being chased by police officers? I would gaurantee that many people would never consider these fun. However, its things like this that those exact same people look back on as the most fun times in their lives.
     
  11. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    lol, check out the edit. good advise, exactly what i wanted to do.

    i have had the worst luck with friends. everyone from highschool i thought i knew got into drugs...that's not me. the few i can still hang with are either far away, or are trying to pressure me into just hooking up with any chick who is available and having sex. i don't want to do that either...i'm jsut not that kidn of guy. college starts next monday, hopefully i can meet new people then.
     
  12. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    I have a feeling you will find yourself in college. I know I did. Just remember to go in with an open mind and don't turn down any sane opportunity given to you. Maybe indulge in a few insane ones that you can impress the ladies with later.

    Also, get away from your Ex's friends, mom, cousin etc. Don't be the guy who couldn't let go.
     
  13. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    They are still my friends, I'm not going to give them up just cuz' we aren't together anymore. The whole family thing...yah I can see that being weird. But that seems like shit if I have to lose all my good friends in Lewisville just cuz' of this...I mean it would be like I was only friends with them cuz' I was with her, and that's not true.
     
  14. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    crush has some really good advice.

    you're probably going to hear this more than you like, and you're going to hate it (i hated it when people said it to me)
    you're 18- you're young. you have your *WHOLE* life ahead of you! you're starting college! this is going to be one of the most fun times you'll ever have. this is probably one of the *only* times you'll have so little responsibility and so much freedom. i did things in college i never would have thought i'd do, and while i don't want to be living that life now, i don't regret the choices i made. but i was able to make those choices *because* of the freedom i had. looking back, i actually wish i'd spent *less* time attached to someone.
    be open to new things - you're entering a whole new world. (geez, that sounds geekily like aladdin, doesn't it? :rolleyes: :mamoru: )

    maybe it sounds harsh, but don't sweat it. going to college and leaving things behind can be hard, but you'll find so many great things once you get there.....
     
  15. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    I never thought it would be so bad to go through college and still have a serious relationship though. I mean, anything wrong with that? Once people hit college they seem to go hog wild and feel like they have no responsibility or commitment to anyone or anything...that's not really what I want to do.

    I get the impression that this is the time in my life where I am supposed to care about myself, what I want, and what is best for me, period. Sounds awful selfish to me, I hate that. :(
     
  16. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    :ugh:
    umm, why does that sound selfish to you?
     
  17. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    i didn't think it would make sense. if you don't understand why only caring about yourself is selfish...then just read over that.
     
  18. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    dude, i'm not trying to be an asshole
    i'm just asking
    only trying to help - you asked, didn't you? i'm just saying you're young, have fun. your girl is no longer, at least not right now. so go on, have fun.
    but i can see how "care only for yourself" seems selfish, as in, give a fuck only about you and not care how your actions affect others....
    i was reading it as "take care of you first" not "don't give a shit about others" so that's what i meant when i asked how that was selfish. i just think right now is the time when *you* should be your number 1 priority. but i'm not at all advocating not caring about others.

    does that make more sense?

    you said, I am supposed to care about myself, what I want, and what is best for me, period
    to me, that reads, take care of you *first.* not take care of you *only.* there's nothing selfish about "what's best for you," imo. i think the only way to truly care about others is to care about you. if you don't care about you first, those feelings are reflected in how you treat others. i think you need a firm sense of self-respect and the knowledge of what's best for you in order to truly give to others. (i think it gives you a more rational viewpoint.) just my .02 feel free to disagree....
     
  19. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    dude, if i came off as rude, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to. you mentioned church - i am a christian so i get the whole, put others first. i just think there's a degree of self-love that has to come first.... i spent a loooong effing time putting everyone else in my life first and i paid the price, big time.
    now i have a little more balance to how it works
    just sayin'
    ;)
     
  20. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    That makes total sense. I read it different as well, just like you said. Thanks for the advice, I think it is something I can try and put into effect starting tomorrow when I go out.

    I talked to this guy she likes. I really am starting to believe they will go out...and yah it really hurts, be he sounds like he is honest, he really likes her and wants to show her a good time, just like i did when we first started dating.

    fuck...you know it's ahrd talking to the enemy. i wanted to threaten him and tell him to keep his hands off ehr and all that shit...but that's not my place. i can't keep holding onto something that isn't there, and i can't ruin her life jsut because right now mine is all fucked up.

    i feel like a hypocrite(sp?) sayign that, because i feel so fucking bad. its like thats what my head knows, but its not how my heart feels. i hope time heals all wounds and i can get over her, and still be really great friends. she wouldn't talk to me today, the second i messaged her, she said she had to go to bed and signed off. i guess i really hurt her, we are both really hurt...fuck.

    thanks guys for the advice. i may not want to hear it right now, or anytime in the near future...but i think it will make alot more sense when i am passed all this pain and confusion.
     
  21. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    "when i am passed all this pain and confusion"

    Pain and confusion...fresh hurt...new Soul Pain...you are right...things will make a lot more sense when you have passed pain and confusion. Sometimes it's a real devil to get past it...but that is what "time" is for.

    Nothing really said to you at this immediate time will help...nopers.

    Just hang in there.
     
  22. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    I'd get all my stuff back from her before things end up turning shitty :hs:
     
  23. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I know people that married there high school sweathearts.
    They are sooooooooo miserable now. They regret it big time.

    I am not saying I have insight. I am just saying, there is something to be said for highschool sweathearts then there is something to be said for all the other women you will love for the rest of your life.
     
  24. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    i still have alot of her things as well that aren't really sentimental, just CD's and things like that. I'll give them to her later. I think she has my swimsuit and some CD's as well, not sure what else.

    i know i gave her a computer and a ring...but i want her to keep those. the computer cuz' it's the only one she has, that would be total asshole(ish) of me to ask for it back, i dont even need it. and i'd just be real hurt if she gave me back the ring. maybe it will remind her of her first love, the great times we had, etc. i know i'm keeping the one she gave me, fuck i'm still wearing it...but will take it off soon i guess. it still means alot to me, and hopefully something that brings back good memories.
     
  25. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    take it slow, don't rush yourself re: friendship, etc. i think y'all need some distance - i don't think talking to guys she's with is going to help. just my .02 this is part of the whole "do what's best for you" - let that be for a while. concentrate on *you* right now. part of taking care of you (and caring about her, ultimately) is both of you doing your own thing right now.

    but i *do* think giving back the stuff soon is a good idea - as much as you may not want it to, things could get shitty - decide what you do and don't want back (looks like you already have) and make the exchange.

    i'd really try to focus on me right now if i were you, though. you're starting college, which is a major transition, and you've got classes to think about. i know this is hard, but remember how important college is. i know you're upset (and you definitely have a right to be), but you want to do well in school and have fun while you're there, so try to concentrate on that. if y'all are meant to be, it will work itself out. if not, be grateful for the experience and go on

    :)
     

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