How do I overcome this

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by -=Likwid=-, Feb 16, 2010.

  1. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    I left my ex girlfriend over the holidays. For solid reasons (lack of trust, failure of responsibility) that I've reminded myself over and over again ever since. I still have feelings for her, but we've had issues for longer than I care to remember for.

    I'm posting this as a half vent, and half question. Venting: I believe I've learned from my past relationships on what I should look for in a partner, but am frustrated with myself for still caring about my ex to the level I do now. Question: What else can I do to move on? I've been as silent as can be for communication, I've gotten hammered time and time again, spent more time with friends, I've spent time on my hobbies, focused on fitness/exercise/diet, and have spent some time with other women (good approacher+such, mediocre closer), yet still have her in my mind when doing all these things. I need suggestions.

    For a point of reference, I just turned 29, decently looking, well groomed, had a solid share of partners, and am sociable when I'm out. Any help would be great, because I'm getting really tired of seeing only black and red these days.
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Why do you have feelings for her if there is lack of trust?
     
  3. Mitchj

    Mitchj OT Supporter

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    depends if that lack of trust is a girl who seems 100% normal and you are just an untrustworthy person or a chick that constantly lying and going out with other dudes
     
  4. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    I know this is cliche, but the only thing you can do is let time do its thing. I really admire you for having your life in order and for keeping yourself productive. It's more than what 99% of this board has ever done.

    Breakups suck, even when you're the one leaving the other person. Just keep doing what you're doing and you will heal in time. It may take a while but it will happen. Although I really must stress never, ever contacting the other person if you're serious about trying to get over her. It might fuck you up and set you back a few months or more. I speak from experience.
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I love questions like these from people who aren't in the situation who can sit on the sidelines and be all "WHY? WHY? WHY MOTHERFUCKER WHY OH GOD WHY?????"

    The answer is: he's got feelings for her and sometimes that's not just as simple as deciding "Hey, you know what? I'm gonna just decide to not have feelings for her. Welp, they are gone. Yay!"

    ****

    To the TS, here's the deal...sometimes you just gotta give it time to heal.
     
  6. Mitchj

    Mitchj OT Supporter

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    fucking dot

    but you know, i do like the vag reasoning, its much eassier for us to post like that than go "we know u have feelings dude go for it"

    i want to hear what happened with the girl before i make any judgement
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Wait, is this the ex that told her ex boyfriend she was still in live with him, or the LDR one afterwards where you told her you think of the ex when ou masturbate?
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Here:
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Feelings = emotion

    Lack of trust = logic

    That's like asking a woman "why do you still love your husband after you found out he cheated on you?'
     
  10. Mr. November

    Mr. November Guest

    It's hard to move on after you've been in a relationship where you've devoted time and effort, not to mention love (if that was a factor). You're doing the right thing, though. It may not feel good right now, but someday you can look back and be like "thank god I dodged that bullet".
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    You're right. I've never been in that situation. That's why I was asking the TS focker. I don't see how you could have feelings for someone if they broke your trust. I've always valued trust in a relationship.
     
  12. Memopad

    Memopad OT Supporter

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    I've always found an effective means of getting over someone is to find someone new. Not a new gf or even dating, just a new interest to pursue. Really gets the mind off the old.
     
  13. Redliner567

    Redliner567 Active Member

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    this
     
  14. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    This leads me to wonder what is better: jumping straight back into the feld or taking a break for a while
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Why are you acting as if romantic attraction is based on security?

    Edit: I see this has been pointed out already. Nevermind :p
     
  16. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    in for advice.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2010
  17. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    sorry for the delay, been trying to keep busy/occupied.

    Emotions are tricky. Unlike my previous ex's (where I don't feel anything for them anymore), it took some time to get to that point for each one. Although I feel more negative than positive towards her, they still exist. I still wonder/assume what she's up to lately, and it does nothing positive for me - hence my post.


    Without disclosing TMI, I don't think she intends/means most of the things I find to be untrustworthy about her. Me on the other hand, I err on the side of caution for trust, because I've learned that it's a glass pane to be earned - scratches and light dings don't matter much, but it doesn't take much for cracks to develop into a shattered pane. She's worked to earn my trust back as much as she could, but to me I believe it is/was too little, too late.


    The last major breakup I had, I trained to complete my first triathlon. This took time and focus/obsession, but a lot for the sake of venting. Maybe you're right, and I need to direct my focus towards the same, if not other things moreso than I am already.


    Viper: Time doesn't heal all, but it's helping some. I'm just looking to speed up the process, and not be affected so deeply time and time again.


    :eek3: the LDR one. That thread was flipped - it was her, not I that was the subject of that.

    ForgottenSpiral: I think the only thing that's not been 100% in that list is #6. The biggest reason is probably that I don't exactly have much in terms of options at the moment..

    Thank you - this has been on my mind since you posted it, and I think it's helped me quite a bit.. I'll keep on keepin on, because I feel less shitty every other day.. so again, thank you.

    I've done a bit of both. I'm pushing myself further away from interest in long-term relationships, and more for enjoying the now. But quite honestly short term and one night stands aren't my forte. Something i'm trying to work on, but my heart's not in it (probably for the best, eh)
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's not a fair question. You can't just turn off your feelings for someone. Chemical addiction doesn't respond to logic.

    edit - holy crap I didn't realize I had posted the same reply to that same post earlier in this same thread. I didn't realize I had read this thread already.

    At least I'm consistent in my advice :bigthumb:
     

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