SRS How do I make moving with him less stressful?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Fallout Girl, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok, here's my latest quandry. I'll try to keep the explanation fairly short and to the point.

    I am moving with my boyfriend across country in about two and a half months. He is in the Airforce and has been accepted to a school program that lasts for a year. He will still be airforce, but on school leave. Don't know what the technical names are. So he will still be recieving his military pay, plus his housing and living alowances. He is going to have plenty saved up before we leave so we won't be scrounging for money. My problem is that I have never been dependent on anyone, aside from my parents. And after this move, I will be, at least for the first couple of months. I won't have a job lined up ahead of time, and I don't have that much saved up, so I don't know how long it will carry me. We have already discussed all of this and we have both agreed that the only way to make it work is if he is going to "carry" me until I have some money flow.
    Question to everyone: How has the sharing of money affected your relationship, and how do you keep it neat? Do you log it all and dutifully repay it later? How should I handle this? To be honest I'm feeling pretty vulnerable since I will be up a creek without a paddle. But I do love him, and he is a very trustworthy guy so I'm not at all worried about him "cutting me off" before I'm established. I just don't want it to cause us problems. We will be living together obviously, and we are currently living together, but we have always managed our own bills. It has never been a joint effort. Thanks.
     
  2. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    50,478
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    philadelphia/buffalo
    i'd suggest going and getting an easy part-time job until you find something more permanent. That way you're not sitting home alone all day going crazy. Go apply at a bookstore or a clothing store in the mall, places like that are always hiring and you could quit whenever you want.
     
  3. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Messages:
    2,032
    Likes Received:
    0
    Look online. Most newspapers also have websites where you can search the help wanted ads.
     
  4. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've already decided that I'm going to have a simple job like that (waitress, coffe stand) since I'm only going to be there for one year. And I'm prepared to make less money. What I'm not prepared for is feeling guilty because my boyfriend is going to have to pull most of the weight financially.
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Are you planning on staying boyfriend/girlfriend or are you planning on getting married?
     
  6. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Staying boyfriend girlfriend for a while. But there has been a lot of talk about marriage, but no, nothing official yet.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Just have enough money for a plane ticket to fly home again if things go wrong. That way you can always go back to your parents as an ace in your sleeve for if things go wrong. You don't have to worry about 'no work' there will be plenty of work to do with all the moving in and moving out where you can help a lending hand, and it depends on what you worry about, some woman (who's names will remain unspoken) will let their husbands work all their lives, while they do the typical housework, you have free will tho,and plenty of time to search out for a job, a new place can always be a scary thing, but fear is a state of hell that keeps you in the same place, even if there's a door in a room, if you are too scared to go thru it, you will always remain in that same room, my advice is to liberate yourself from your confining thoughs and bring courage and open that door that will lead you to a whole new adventure, life is what you make of it, therefore do your best!
     
  8. keleko

    keleko yes, he is

    Joined:
    May 22, 2005
    Messages:
    28,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lauderhill, fl
    ^^ what he said
     
  9. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,650
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    I moved in with my boyfriend in August of last year. He makes pretty decent money for someone his age and has a great job, so he said it wasnt going to be a problem that I didnt have a job yet. He even put my name on his bank account before I had my job. I became employed, and we just combined our finances. We are pretty well off, but he brings in the most. I mainly got a job because I was bored out of my mind doing nothing all day while he was working/at class! I also felt like I needed to contribute to our bank account if I was going to be living with him, that way we'd have more money to do what we wanted with, and more money to save up.

    We made a budget so we dont go crazy spending each others money, since we didnt have so much available to us when we were both single. We've stuck by it because we know what we want for the future, and what & how we have to save to do it. If you two are in it for the longrun, there shouldnt be much of a problem combining your finances. He probably doesnt expect to be paid back. If he does though, just set up an amount to put aside from each paycheck to give him.

    Good luck finding a job and hope everything works out with the money situations! :)
     
  10. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks, that does give it some perspective. I know he won't feel jilted for sharing his money with me, I just want to do everything I can to avoid making it a problem before it should be. I know that money is one of the main issues couples fight about so I'm trying to hit it head on and make sure we are on the same page and make sure I know what he is comfortable with and for him to know what I am comfortable with.

    I guess it all goes in to the question of how "combined" do we want to be? Do we want to have a joint checking account, or do we want to split it all up in whatever way we can? I just don't want either one of us to feel overwhelmed by all of it being so sudden because of circumstance. Usually this would be something that would creep up on you, one piece at a time. But I'm basically following him, or he is dragging me with him, however you want to put it, because we are in love and aren't ready for it to end. We both see big things for our relationship, but we also know that it is pretty young in the relationship for something as big as this (9 months). But in our situation, it's either all in or you fold. So I'm all in. And I'm going to give it everything I got because he's worth it. I just want for us to start off on the right foot, you know?
    Kinda scary, but so exciting. I see the door that Darketernal was talking about. And it's a big one so it's not going to be hard to walk through, just so long as I don't bring too much baggage :x:
     
  11. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,650
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    I moved in after we'd been together 6 months (living 200 miles apart sucked!), and my name was on the bank account after 8.5 months (we've been together just over a year & 2 months now). To a lot, yeah it IS soon, but I've noticed each person/couple moves at their own pace with things. After the name was on the account, to him, his checks were "our money", not just his. And now my checks are "our money" too.

    You can start off with a joint checking account, and maybe have a savings accout for yourself if you'd feel more comfortable having it. Or you can discuss ways to split up the money and pay for certain things.

    Just talk to each other and work something out that you both agree on and feel comfortable with, and there shouldnt be many problems at all.
     

Share This Page