How do I handle my ex-gf?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by HSTexan, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. HSTexan

    HSTexan Active Member

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    Ok...so I'm not one to normally ask for advice...I'm stubborn like that, but I am at a point where I don't know what to do. I know this is long, but I'm looking for some input on the situation

    Some background...my ex-gf and I were friends in high school, but really got to be decent friends our senior year. We were both in serious relationships at the time, though there was always the casual flirting, nothing ever happened. Well a decent amount of time went by and we ended up staying local and go to the same college. We stopped talking for awhile, but as of last year we had started to make some contact (mind you we graduated high school in 2005). So only a few years had gone by, I had ended my relationship, she had ended hers, we had both dated a few other people. Well somehow back in December we ended up talking and hanging out quite a bit and started dating in January.

    We only dated for a few months until I broke it off at the beginning of May. She had been a friend for A LONG time and we have a lot of mutual friends, so I did not want things to end poorly between us and I truly though I could try to be friends with her. This goes against everything I had done previously that had worked perfectly fine for me, which is that an ex is an ex. While things remain civil, I make it a point to not try to stay friends with ex's for the mess it creates.

    However, because of our past I really wanted to try to be friends so things weren't awkward if we ran into each other out at the bars one weekend or something. She agreed and wanted to be friends still, but I let her know that I would want some space because even though I was the one who wanted to call the relationship quits, it would still be difficult and awkward to just jump back into trying to be friends. She agreed and said she would give me some space, but ended up texting me almost everyday for a couple weeks. I finally told her that was not my idea of space and we got into a heated argument after she told me she would respect my space and then ended up showing up at my house unannounced.

    We resolved things from there and she said she would give me my space for real. Things actually did change and that was about a month ago. The past month I've had a lot of shit going on in my life, between summer classes, trying to figure out where I'm going to live next year, serious problems with one of my roommates (who has been my best friend for 8 years), my mom about to change jobs, etc. Because of this I've been avoiding pretty much everyone else besides the people I would see due to my roommates inviting people over. I hadn't talked to my ex for this entire month and was actually thinking about texting her now that a lot of that shit has been resolved. However, last night while under the influence of liquid courage, she asked one of our mutual friends for my number (she claimed today that apparently if she has my number she can't refrain from texting me). She ends up texting me at 1:30AM, while I was asleep to ask if I was awake or not. I told her I was asleep because I had to go to church in the morning.

    Long story short, she ended up not leaving me alone telling me how much she misses me and everyone knows it and I briefly explained how I could not talk at that time, but would explain everything the next day while I was driving back to to AR for school. This was not the first time she has told me she missed me, which is what led to me not feeling rushed to try to talk to her the past month. Today as I was driving home, we talked briefly and I explained the stuff that has been going on in my life, how I haven't hardly talked to anyone this last month. I also explained that since she keeps telling me how much she misses me, it enforces in my mind the idea that I don't think she is over the relationship yet, and cannot see me as just a friend when we hang out. I fear that if we did hang out things would be messy or start to get messy.

    She told me she woke up extremely pissed at me last week, which is why when she got drunk she finally had the courage to tell me this. Pissed that I hadn't talked to her for a month. She told me that she doesn't know how to explain it, but that she IS over the relationship and that it's my fault for not being able to understand that. She also told me I was being a shitty friend for not telling her and talking to her about all of the problems in my life and not talking to her for a month.

    I honestly feel like I have done nothing wrong. I understand her to be upset with me for not talking to me, but I feel like she keeps proving that she cannot let go of our relationship. Because of this I am extremely hesitant to keep talking to her and even start hanging out with her. She is probably moving away in the next few months, and I honestly don't think we will keep up with each other as much as I do with other friends.

    Am I in the wrong for feeling like I do, or do I just need to get over it? After she called me a shitty friend I basically felt like she was taking out her frustration on me that things didn't end up like she wanted. The conversation ended fairly abruptly after that. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just cut all contact with her like I've done every other ex-gf, but since she has been a friend for so long and we have mutual friends I would feel bad about doing it.

    CLIFFS: Good friend and I start dating, it ends after 4 1/2 months. I feel like she isn't over me yet, she claims she is, yet tells me she misses me every time she is drunk. What do I do about it?
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Unfortunately she doesn't sound mature enough to go back to being good friends now.
     
  3. tomohr

    tomohr look again! OT Supporter

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    I would say to try and just be civil with her. It sounds like she does miss the relationship and being with you, but to call you a shitty friend for not talking to her is just her trying to get back at you for "what you did to her" I've gone through the same thing and it really sucks, but, sometimes it just doesn't work out. If I understand correctly you're still in college and you have the same friend circle? As hard as that can seem now, it's amazing how quickly things can turn around over one semester or one summer. So, I wouldn't get too bent out of shape. You could go back to school the next semester and hang out with completely different people have completely different circles and this whole relationship will be nothing but an after thought. You could let yourself think that you are in the wrong, it could really go both ways depending on who's side you want to be on. But, I would say that you have done nothing wrong and you are just looking out for #1. Keep doing what you are doing, if you want to talk to her, go ahead, but if she tries to pull any weak shit just walk away from it again.. there is no reason to deal with it. If she wants to be level headed and just hang out then great... either way, like I said, do what is right for you.
     
  4. HSTexan

    HSTexan Active Member

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    Yeah, I am still in college...unfortunately. I should have graduated this last May, but that's what I get for dicking around my first 3 semesters and then taking one off to get my head straight and my priorities in line. She just graduated. As far as friends go, this is just a small (5-10 people) group that have known each other since high school. We hang out somewhat regularly, so it really wouldn't be unheard of to see her out.
     
  5. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    .

    If your friends are being that immature about it as well, then you are in college, there are so MANY other people to get to know.
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Only read the cliffs, but here's a quick lesson:

    Don't try and be friends with your exs.

    Personally (and I know I'm not alone in this) I say don't be friends with them at all, but pretty much everyone will agree you need a 6 month separation period after any break-up.
     
  7. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Friendzone:
    "I dont want to get into a relationship with you cause I value our friendship so much, I wouldnt know what to do if I lost you"

    Conquered Friendzone:
    "I love you babe, im so glad we decided to give this a shot"

    Post Friendzone:
    "I LOVE you but im not in love with you. I really wanna be friends, dont let our past interfere with our future"

    Good luck bro.
     
  8. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Never works.
     
  9. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Tell her just so you're clear you have zero interest in ever being with her again and she is failing at being just a friend just like she failed at being a girlfriend. Just kidding of course. Sit her down in person if possible and just tell her how you feel and that you would like to have a friendship with her but if she can't really handle that you two are better off not having contact. If you didn't feel you could come to her during the month that you had alot of stuff going on in your life she can't fault you for that or hold it against you.
     
  10. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :roflw:
     

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