SRS How do I handle failure?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by busydoingnothing, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I've been a lot more social lately, though it's mostly after several drinks. I've even started dancing, which I honestly have said I would never do in my entire life. Now that I'm actually getting out there, I'm experiencing something that I've been avoiding by not participating: rejection.

    I don't handle rejection or failure very well, especially when it involves women. I feel like after a few failures, I'm pretty much worthless and I shouldn't continue trying. I feel like there must be something wrong with me if I can't succeed. I've talked to girls and have gotten their numbers but never a call back. Last week, I really hit it off with this girl, got her number, called twice, no call back. Last night, I danced with a girl and a few of her friends (rotating), and eventually she said they were dykes (they were clearly not). That's a huge insult. I then grinded with another girl (heavier, not really fat though) and sucked on her neck and stuff (she clearly enjoyed it) but had no interest in returning the favor. Needless to say, by the end of the night, I seriously wanted to kill myself (I actually cut myself with a razor and I feel like a fucking immature fool for doing it again).

    How do I look at these situations optimistically? How do I handle constant rejection from women? Is it the norm to be rejected and the exception to actually get somewhere with them?
     
  2. 24/7 IDB

    24/7 IDB New Member

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    Man don't worry about it at all. Just think of it this way... there is no perfect guy for every single girl. Every single guy who tries to hook up with a girl is gonna face rejection at some point in his life.

    The fact is that girls will come up with excuses to tell you they are not interested. Whether it be they are dykes, have a boyfriend, or are PMSing and couldn't be fucked to talk to you. They think it's nicer than just telling you to F off. You shouldn't be offended at all no matter what they say. Rejection is rejection, one way shouldn't make it any better than another. The important thing is to move past it and muster up some courage for your next target ;)

    Saying that rejection is the norm and getting somewhere is an exception is a fair statement for most guys out there.

    Good luck buddy, it will get better soon or later.
     
  3. themadpaki

    themadpaki There is no money. OT Supporter

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    it really doesn't matter who you are or what you do in any aspect in life. We all fail at everything. No one is ever going to be perfect every time, all of the time. When it comes to women, you have to give it time and go at it with ease. Don't go out saying, i'm going to have a girlfriend tonight. Go out and just meet people. The fact that you're doing that is awesome. the fact that you even dance with people you don't know is even more awesome. Next time you go out remember what you did last time, and what didn't work and don't do it. Keep trying. Don't give up.


    And lastly, don't settle on the next one. When she comes, and she will, she'll be the first of many. Know and believe it. :big grin:


    Now for a few tid-bits... don't get intimate that quickly. Don't make out on the dance floor and expect a number, or to take her home. You gave yourself up too easy.

    If you're a dance floor person, dance with a girl until she's into it and then leave and dance or talk to another girl. keep doing it. I bet by the end of the night one will come back to talk or dance again.

    I guess that's all for now. but GO OUT AND DO IT AGAIN. WE HAVE ALL FAILED don't think you're special for failing. It just makes you normal.





    You're only a failure if you don't learn from your past.
     
  4. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    busydoingnothing...here's my advice...
    everyone's afraid of rejection...i myself am terrify of it. i just posted a thread about this guy that i met at the club..and he's not calling me back either!! LOL and i don't know what to do..ok..enough about me.. back to you...

    i think you shouldn't stress about it..most girls who go to clubs usually are just lookin' for a little fun...at least that's how me and my girls are..and i tell guys that my girls and i are "girlfriends" all the time too..and the reason that we do that is because we get the sense that club guys are usually just horny and after one thing SEX (i mean..no offense to you or anything)..and i don't blame guys for being the way they are...i mean..it's not all your fault...i mean..girls (we) can't dress up like sluts (i admit LOL) and not expect guys to be horny and physically all over us rite??? my point is...being a "slut" or at least in my case dressing up as one is just for pure fun...i don't consider myself slutty at all in my normal life..it's just a once a month thing that i take part in to release my stress... IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN..and plus when i meet guys in the club..i usually don't give out my real number.. because i portray myself as a slut (in the way that i dance and whatnot) my first impression on the guy is already one that i would not normally want to give a guy that i would potentially want something outside of the club with (you see where i'm getting with this?? i don't know...it's kinda hard to explain..but i hope you're following). LOL. i want a guy to respect me for the lady that i am..not the slut that i portray to be on my nite out.. the slutty impression that i give will defer them from treatin' me as a lady because all they know and see is a slut. so for me..what happens in the club stays in the club.

    ok..you said you grind with girls and suck their neck..rite??? well next time..try being a gentleman and not do so much of that physical stuff...it'll throw them off guard / off their game.. knowing that you respect them...and not treat them like the sluts that they looks like will catch their attention and thus might just give their real number or even call you back.LOL

    seriously...when girls go out..it's just for fun..it's a nite to just be free..to let it all out and not care what anybody thinks..to just be beautiful, hot, sexy, and break necks haha jkjk..at least that's the way me and my girls think/feel. what happens in the club stays in the club.... and plus everyone looks better in the club after a few drinks...haha

    my main message is....the club is not really a good place to meet a girl...so don't stress when you don't get call backs from girls. it's just a place to have fun and get all your horny out. LOL...it's nothing to go cutting yourself over...cuz in the end..it's just not worth it.
    good luck :big grin: with everything
     
  5. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    YES! this is what i'm talking about busydoingnothing. listen to themadpaki. me, being a girl..let me tell you...just like how guys don't like easy girls...girls don't like easy boys either. we like the chase..to be chase and to be the chaser. i like to work a little. you were too intimate too quickly. be less sexual next time.
    and yes, that advice about dancing with her and leaving her to go dance with other girls..genius. from experience..i hate it when guys do that!! it makes me feel rejected in a sense. i mean...i reject guys all the time on the dance floor (by turning away and/or by giving one of my girl friends the eye to come save me) LOL. but yes, even though i hate it when guys do that..you should definitely do it. it takes the power away from her and will leave her questioning herself and thus putting the power in your hands. muahahahaha LOL :p this move will definitely work. trust me.i'm a girl. lol
     
  6. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Maybe you should change your atmosphere: a club or party isn't always the greatest place to meet the "girl of your dreams."

    I'd say, if you are looking for a real serious relationship, find them outside of the drinking location.

    Though, that will probably take longer and require more work... but it will pay off more in the end.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Listen to Michael Jordan.

    "I can accept failure, I can't accept not trying."
     
  8. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    Thanks for all the feedback, especially lost04. It's good to have a girl's perspective on this. I'm totally not the douchey, sleazy club rat, but the girls don't know that, and I guess it's a safe assumption for them to have when they encounter me, a single guy at a club. I guess I have to show them that, but more importantly, I need to learn how to have a good time. I guess girls going to these clubs looking for a one night stand are rare?
     
  9. SpectreMatrix

    SpectreMatrix New Member

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    First off never base your happiness on something you can not directly affect.

    Secondly, if they reject you what has really changed? Nothing, just keep asking. Eventually you will find the right person.
     
  10. pretty_n_ink

    pretty_n_ink New Member

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    :werd:

    I've found that the best relationships come along when you're not out fishing for one. Sometimes the best thing to do is hang with your buds, go about your business and have fun just being you. Eventually you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

    Bars and clubs aren't the best places to meet a potential mate. Maybe a one-nighter but not someone willing to commit. This isn't always the case but majority of people at clubs are still playing the field and are enjoying single-dom.

    It'll happen dude, just don't stress. When you're comfortable with yourself others can see that. A self-confident man is an attractive man.

    :love:
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

    Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.
     
  12. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    wow. that's some deep shit. i totally agree.
     

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