Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kuwi, Sep 2, 2007.
I can't talk to people I don't know very well.
Maybe you need a boost in self esteem? I know that's what my problem is.
the way i did it was just to do it basically. you have to cross this line, kind of an emotional barrier. keep doing it and it will come more naturally. once you start seeing how many new people you can meet and how much of a better time you can have when you go out you will do it more regularly. just know there is a lot of assholes out there.
im so with you...
im shy with people i dont know, but then open up when i get comfortable.
if your like me, then your too self conscious.
you need a boost in self esteem, and force yourself to deal with people you dont know.
be a social butterfly, it'll increase your self confidence, and thus make you less shy.
im still working on myself btw... its just a matter of pushing yourself.
I find that drinking makes me incredibly less shy.
Actually bars are the perfect place to become less shy.
Bartenders are the best people to be un-shy to.
Although side note so I don't get eaten alive, I dont condone a drinking problem. Maybe just a loosening up alternative until you realize that some people will love you either way.
There is actually alot of ways to get through this if it is a serious problem in your life.
A couple are Medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Benzodiazepines (Valium,Rophynol and a list more) are routinely prescriped for people with anxiety problems although they are incredibly addictive and a hell to get off of them when you are. They work amazingly well for dealing with social phobia. But they are just a crutch.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a way you challenge your automatic thoughts and reason around them.
Have a look into them.
Drinking is known to be a "social lubricant" meaning it makes social interactions easier. However, for the really shy, it can easily become such a crutch that the person develops a real, serious problem with alcohol.
I would suggest you stay away from alcohol or any other drugs for that matter because it's kind of like tickling the neck of a tiger....you might get away with it for awhile but the risks are just too high.
Usually shyness is based in low self esteem. So work on that. Perhaps you need to start exercising or build up your self esteem by throwing yourself into your studies and excel at those...or sports or w/e. I know from personal experience my shyness goes away as I get to know people.
One way I've found to overcome my shyness is to force myself to talk to lots and lots of people. It doesn't matter so much what we talk about just that I'm "in the moment" and not thinking about my shyness. When I stay in the moment, I'm participating in the discussion. Anyways, the more I do this the more my shyness subsides.
Just like anything in life you have to go out and do it to get better at it. You've already realized that your shy so keep it in mind that you want to make a change in your life and use that to motivate yourself.
You could try making up some weekly goals for yourself like going out and meeting X amount of new people or visiting X amount of new places that you didn't consider to be the kind of place you would normally goto.
This may not work for everyone, but has for me.
Used to be very, very shy. So I got a job that put me in constant contact with people - just making coffee/waiter kind of stuff. I found that after about the second day I was able to laugh and joke with people without giving it a second thought.
It's not easy, but most of the stuff in this thread is pretty good. Obviously bars are only good if you bring some friends with you.
I've had mixed results with alcohol though. At the precise amount, I'm totally outgoing and lively, but too little and I'm even more shy, and too much means I'm a physical wreck (like three weeks ago). Actually the last couple of nights have been my favorite, and I went to them sober. So I wouldn't count on it, but you can try it if you're curious.
The key is to break your boundaries. This is the hardest part. But if you work on whatever is bothering you/holding you back, it'll help you on this point quite a bit. If you're worried about doing the talking initially, just ask some questions about the person.
for girls, start by talking to ugly chicks then when you feel good with that move on to better looking ones.
I think tuvok really nailed it for you - clean and simple.
I used to have pretty bad social anxiety, this was at a time when I was pretty down on myself. I started eating better, working out a lot, and physically felt awesome. It was amazing how after that I immediately felt more confident with talking to other people I didn't even know.
shyness is just a physical manifestation of fear. Just understand that not everybody is looking at you or judging you for the things your doing and just get out there and do it.
Shyness unless debilitating can only be done away with by yourself. Nobody else can give you the tools.
That only made it worse for me because I'm now overly critical and won't even take my shirt off at pool parties.
???? You got in shape and were afraid to take your shirt off?
you could always try hypnosis/self-hypnosis
Lmao, I was wondering the same thing!
Now, if YOU said you were taking off your shirt, I'd be there!
I used to have the same problem. I still do, but to a lesser extent.
You just need to take a deep breath and ignore your inhibitions. It's extremely hard at first, but people are social. They will respond to you. It gets easier with time and doing it over and over again.
That shit has changed recently. i broke 190lb last month, and I've been really happy with my physique...lol.
meh, i don't think ever really get over it. you just kind of have to not let the feeling prevent you from doing that which you want to do.
it's natural having feelings of general uneasiness around those you don't know very well or in unfamiliar situations. you just have to push through, give it an honest effort and if it doesn't pan out, move on.
for all you know, the person you're approaching is feeling the same thing and may really really want to talk to you, but is nervous and uncomfortable. do them a favor and try to start a conversation. there have been plenty of shy people that open up with the quickness when i try to talk to them. heck, i've been that shy person who opens up when approached.
I used to be REALLY shy. I did things to boost my confidence. I bought a bicycle>trained for a triathlon>been racing tris for 3 years. I've spent time in Judo and Hapkido getting my ass kicked repeatedly, and boosting confidence. My "anti-drug" is to beat myself down physically, so to speak, so I come back stronger and 100x more motivated.
Because I became involved with many different things, I found people of similar interest and made many new friends. Just gotta get out there bro.
You need to improve your self-esteem, and then i'm going to say the most used and tiring cliché ever; Just do it. Like EVERYTHING in life you become better the more you do something.
If you're scared that's fine. Don't try to fight the fear, accept that you are scared but also realise that it's natural to be scared.
Don't use alcohol.