SRS How do I get out of the nice guy stage?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ImpalaSS, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. ImpalaSS

    ImpalaSS OT Supporter

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    Serious question...How do I not become so nice, not get taken advantage of, etc. Everytime I meet a girl I get the whole, "You're so nice" crap and I really hate it. I don't want to be a dickhead like a big percentage of other guys where I live (and trust me most are) but I just don't want to be the nice guy who gets taken advantage of. It sucks. Anyone ever change their views / personality like this?
     
  2. TCMS

    TCMS OT Supporter

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    ego.
     
  3. ImpalaSS

    ImpalaSS OT Supporter

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    As in thinking my shit doesn't stink? Tried it lol...guess I have to work on it.
     
  4. Felixx219

    Felixx219 New Member

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    You can still be the nice guy and not get taken advantage of. You just need to learn to read people and figure out whether or not they want to be around you for the right reasons.
     
  5. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I have the same questions. It's like I want to keep being a nice guy but I feel if I was an asshole I wouldn't want to be with a girl stupid enough to put up and enjoy that.
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Just stop giving a shit. You don't have to be an asshole, but just don't care anymore.
     
  7. PlayForBlood

    PlayForBlood The rules, rules don't apply to you. You're specia

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    confidence and cockiness

    I was that very same nice guy that was always told "you are so sweet" and "you are the nicest guy I have met"

    then I just started to be cocky and snide a little bit - woman love confidence and are attracted to them - also get some cool hobbies and lead a busy life and don't cater to a girls every whim
     
  8. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Respect yourself, don't take crap from people, and understand your unselfish needs come first.
     
  9. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    put yourself first. you have to learn to say no. if you can't or don't want to do something, then don't. there's nothing wrong with being nice, just don't bend over backwards for people, especially if they've done nothing to earn such treatment.

    EDIT:
    i went from one extreme to the other. nice to asshole. i have since found a happy medium. i focus on being a "good" person rather than a "nice" person.
     
  10. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    This

    Are you the kind of guy that can't say no to a woman or does whatever she wants to do? Take charge you make the decisions and don't be afraid to say no if she wants to do something or go somewhere you really don't want to go. Close yourself off at first let her earn your love, women want a challange not a bitch boy they can read like a book.
     
  11. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Are you effeminate? Could be one factor. If you're thinner & your mannerisms are a bit graceful adding some mass could add some masculine appeal.

    A lot of girls want to feel as if they are wanted & will be taken when the time is right. Learn how to make eye contact that conveys some desire without stepping into the creepy zone.

    Learn to look a little more like a neanderthal. lol
     
  12. GTP

    GTP New Member

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    Be an asshole. If that is unnatural why change yourself...unless you want to get laid, don't you?
     
  13. ImpalaSS

    ImpalaSS OT Supporter

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    Not really, I can say no. I'll give you an example though...a girl I really liked (I've discussed it on OT forum before :o ) started talking with me again. I was ignoring her because we fought and nice me decided to talk to her again. She tells me she's having a hard time in school, is currently sick and has no money for food so I mailed her a package of food etc to get her through the week or two.

    I also found her favorite book and wrapped it up and put it in the box. Well I saw she received it the other day and still has yet to respond. I texted her before to ask her if she got it (knowing she did) and she read the text but no answer. That pissed me off and I regret sending her the box. Granted it was only $15 worth of food, but still, general principle says to at least say thanks. Shit like this pisses me off and I know if I treated her like shit, she'd be all over me.
     
  14. ImpalaSS

    ImpalaSS OT Supporter

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    Nope, not effeminate. 5'9'', 165lbs, work out everyday, muscular, etc. I'll try that though lol. If it worked for the cavemen, should work now :rofl:
     
  15. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I've never been an asshole and I have no problem getting laid. :dunno:
     
  16. sundance424

    sundance424 New Member

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    Just hang around long enough for a woman to destroy you. You can't really stop caring until you've had your heart ripped out and your manhood savaged.

    There's not really any easy way. Once you discover that women don't belong on a pedestal everything comes together from that.
     
  17. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    sometimes, it's okay to be nice just for niceness sake. wanting to bring joy to someone's life and whatnot. however, if that person you're being nice to is not reciprocating, showing gratitude, or expecting such treatment, then stop. she's done nothing to warrant such treatment. once, twice, okay. however, you need to stop, if not, you'll be taken advantage of. pretty soon, you'll become bitter over it and that benefits no one.
     
  18. ImpalaSS

    ImpalaSS OT Supporter

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    I'm already bitter over it... :hs: I should just move on
     
  19. marvd00d

    marvd00d Gonzalez>Swine Flu

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    Just stop caring about what people think, be yourself and don't give a fuck. Girls eat that attitude up
     
  20. snoodles

    snoodles New Member

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    girls always seem like they want what they can't have. if you're the nice guy that always does anything for them, they get bored and "secure" knowing they can do whatever they want and you'll still be there.

    you don't have to be an "asshole" per se, but carry yourself with confidence. i don't remember what thread i was reading, but i like the analogy it used. when talking to them or interacting with them pretend it's like a job interview that you don't care about getting.

    if you're concerned too much with trying to impress them or what they think, you'll do what you think they want, not what you want. be yourself. do what you want.
     
  21. jeffswain

    jeffswain OT Supporter

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    (not meant to be applied to LTRs)

    The 10 WORST mistakes “nice-guys” make with Women

    1. Complimenting a woman too much and too desperately. A little compliment here and there doesn’t hurt, but always telling a girl she is beautiful will hurt your game. Or kill it outright. This shows that you only value her for her looks, and that you are obsessed with her – both of which are traits of needy guys desperate for sex. And women feel no attraction for frustrated losers.

    2. Buying her dinner, drinks, and gifts. A real seducer will never waste money on a girl that hasn’t legitimately EARNED his favor. Showering girls with favors will only cause them to see you as chump with no personality, who has to buy women’s company. It is little better than prostitution, and they will see right through it. Expensive dinner dates and bouquets often result in “lets just be friends”… and if she’s really considerate, one of those rare women who are truly caring and have a good heart, she MAY tell you reluctantly that you’re trying too hard.

    3. Giving away your power to her (begging). Always asking her “please!” as if you are a puppet and she is holding the strings. Begging her to stay longer, or pleading with her to like you after she shows disinterest. Begging only makes you look pathetic and spineless, and it gives her the power to say NO. It does make her feel more powerful and validated, but honestly, do you really want her to step all over your dignity? Then don’t beg. It’s NOT charming or “chivalrous” by any means, and you will LOSE respect.

    4. Always asking her if she’s okay, or if she’s having a good time. This is a BIG mistake guys make, even guys who think they know the “game”! Believe me, if she’s having fun you’ll notice it in her face and her voice. Nice guys often don’t trust women and sometimes assume that women are inexplicable and even intentionally deceptive. While this may be true of some women, no women will EVER hide her true emotions in front of a guy she’s comfortable with. Asking her makes her LESS comfortable.

    5. Always making her decide what to do (“what do you want to do now?”). 90% of the time, she won’t have an answer because women want guys to take the lead, not the other way around. If you sound like you have no clue what to do, you have already lost her. She doesn’t WANT to do anything with a guy who has no idea what to do!

    6. Always apologizing for everything you do. Rule of thumb – if you wouldn’t expect a girl to apologize to you for touching you on the arm, don’t apologize to her either! She isn’t Bloody Mary – you don’t have to supplicate or beg for fear of getting your head chopped off! Being submissive and sorry only sends one signal to this soft, delicate creature – you only want her for her *****.

    7. Being afraid to share your opinions. This behavior immediately makes you look insecure and you will become a target for her disdain. Most girls will never openly say it, but a guy that’s afraid of his own opinions actually disapproves of HIMSELF on some subconscious level. That’s the behavior of a low-value chump who has no self-respect.

    8. Gushing with excessive, NEEDY emotions (i.e. “You are so beautiful, I’m already in love with you!”). This demonstrates low value because you appear to have no standards or patience. If you are meeting a girl for the first time, you will look like the most desperate guy on earth doing this. Even telling a girl you like her will often KILL attraction. I don’t care how many times your mom said it’s the “polite” way to treat girls, it is WRONG! A woman wants things to “just happen”, and the emotional burden of your pounding heart depending on her for instant happiness will just scare the crap out of her!

    9. Trying to impress her with your knowledge, money, car, or any other LOGICAL excuses (bragging). This makes you look boring and lacking in substance. It is overcompensation. Once again, many guys have been misled by their parents. You do NOT want to “impress” girls – you want to get them curious about you. Furthermore, women are not attracted by logic. They are attracted by emotion and personality. The more you try to justify why she “should” be attracted to you, the less attraction she will feel. Any sort of rules, logic, and justification of them only will turn girls off!

    10. Always trying to become a part of her life (following her, calling her every hour, sending her cards or flowers, asking too eagerly about her friends). This behavior, if it is allowed to continue, can become downright creepy. It communicates that you have no life, and that you are desperate not only for the girl, but also for getting to know ANYONE at all! Why are you so eager to meet her friends so fast anyway?

    These mistakes are all hurting millions of men, and the crazy part is that they can EASILY be avoided once you know what they are and why they are HUGE turn-offs to women. And indeed, make no mistake about it – they definitely ARE. So if you are currently doing any of these “nice-guy” things, don’t feel insulted – just STOP DOING THEM, and your rejection rate will be cut in half. Only half of seduction relies on knowing the right techniques and internalizing the beliefs and attitudes behind them. The other half simply consists of not screwing it up!

    Now I’m sure we’ve all heard the conventional wisdom on women and “dating” from friends, parents, John Gray, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Hollywood movies, the media, etc. You know… all the “accepted” pop-culture advice that tells you to buy women flowers and ask them to plan the date, impress her with your money, car, house, etc. and not make any moves, not talk about your opinions for fear of “offending” her, be super-“respectful” like a nervous schoolboy who has never touched a girl before… basically, advice telling to make ALL of the above mistakes! And I’m sure ALL of those people had their reasons for giving you that advice, but… I’ve got some bad news for those folks: this is the same wussy puritanical feminist advice that existed in the 1960s, and even THEN, it didn’t attract women.

    The “conventional wisdom” is WRONG!

    Girls are NOT attracted to guys that buy gifts, talk about their car or house, apologize for touching a girl, or give her the power to plan the evening. In fact, women are continually REPULSED by all of these behaviors. The biggest reason nice guys fail with women is that women simply do not trust nice guys. Nice guys look FAKE, because they are. What with all their showing gifts on a woman, all their begging and submitting and complimenting, they communicate EXTREME desperation and neediness – yet in spite of how badly they desire the girl, they are afraid to make a move, which communicates fear and lack of confidence. So from both ends, they come across as LOSERS. Think about it. Would you act all desperate like that around your friends? Why would a guy act like that, unless he is trying to get something from the girl? Either he must be trying to sell her something (and failing), or he is desperate for sex/marriage/a relationship, or any combination of the three. She is always thinking “WHAT does he WANT from me?” And that is NOT the state of mind you want her to be in, if your goal is to actually get laid.

    There are only THREE things that nice-guy behavior will tell girls about you, and NONE of them are good:

    1. You are desperate and needy
    2. You have no confidence or direction in life
    3. You are NOT a prize to be won over, thus you have NO sexual value to her

    Does this sound like she’s impressed? Obviously something is VERY wrong with the way most guys go about attracting women. They actually SCARE women away! Being a “nice guy” doesn’t show women that you “care” about them. It actually creeps them out!

    When I first figured this out, it was as eye-opening as seeing my reflection in the condensed droplets of water glistening like diamonds on the perfectly polished, shimmering surfaces of solid gold faucets in a gold-plated shower fit for a King! It was truly astounding. This was the answer to YEARS of asking why women were creeped out by all the conventional “approaches” that guys use. Being “nice” in chick-speak actually means “trying too hard”. And it took a girl telling me this to finally make me understand. Nice guys try to hide the fact that they want to sleep with a girl – yet by their submissive actions they make if OBVIOUS that they want something from her. They are “trying too hard” to get SEX, and the girl sees through it INSTANTLY. Women WILL have sex with you, but NOT if you come across as wanting it more badly than they do. If you’re a real Prize to be won, you need to act like sex is NO BIG DEAL! That’s right, I am NOT making this up. A real MAN is not needy. A real seducer is not desperate for sex, because he believes that he, not the girl, is the Prize. After all, if you are truly a Prize, like Casanova, then you can get sex whenever you want and that it’s not even necessary to have it anytime soon. You are not needy. There is no scarcity of women in your life. And you feel no fear in communicating with women. THAT is the attitude which makes you a Prize, regardless of whether you are already getting lots of sex or not. You must internalize this attitude first to truly have strong game.
     
  22. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    while thats was a pretty nice thing to do that was your mistake, do that shit if you're going out for a while not when you aren't even dating it shows desparation
     
  23. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    quite simple. Stop trying to give her everything she wants, and do what you want to do.
     
  24. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    honestly, it sounds to me like she wanted you to give her money.

    aka, she has food, etc, but knew you'd get suckered and send her shit. She didn't expect the food, and it pissed her off
     
  25. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I was going to say just this.

    I have a nice-guy SO. I was never romantically attracted to him, until he asked me out. I decided to go for it, nothing to lose. I WAS going to hook up with my a-hole ex until my friend asked me on a date. After that date, I was treated so nicely (no advances, just a fun evening), that I thought of Mr.A-hole and thought, "yeah, fuck that shit, life with this guy would be so much better". Life just got better and better every day with him and every day, I am so happy and thankful that I have a man that treats me so well.

    That being said, referring to the quote, my SO is pretty effeminate. He always has to have clean, bright socks. His hair always has to be perfect. He used to take longer than me in the mornings to get ready. He picked out he perfect lipstick colour for me:ugh:

    Then, as he started to "get comfortable" with me, he stopped brushing his hair so much, he forgets to brush his teeth alot. He doesn't iron his clothes anymore. He's still really good with colours and stuff, which sounds off the turn-off gaydar alarm, but then I discovered it runs in the family (another story). When he's messy or sloppy, I find it attractive, it shows me that he really is just a sloppy man like all the rest.
     

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