How do I get my Wife to enjoy Sex?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Elusion, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. Elusion

    Elusion New Member

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    My wife and I don't see eachother very often (long distance, jobs etc.). Since we've been married (almost 2.5 years) we see eachother about 2 a month for a weekend. She's on "The Pill". We'd only had sex a couple of times before we were married. When we see eachother on a Friday night she doesn't want to. She says she "has to get used to me again." On Saturday night or Sunday morning we'll finally have sex. Only once a visit maybe twice (Sat night and Sunday maybe). Then we have to leave.

    She doesn't like to have sex for too long because she starts to hurt (no matter what I do; slow, barely moving). She just lays there. She also doesn't want to try any other positions other than missionary.

    I was thinking of asking her to discontinue 'the pill'. I heard that it can inhibit a womans sexual desire. I'd happily use a condom if it meant she enjoyed it more.
    In about six months we'll finally be able to live together, maybe things'll get better then.
     
  2. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    You'd think the opposite would ring true: being away that much would cause you to have sex like high schoolers. I think the time apart is what is taking the toll.
     
  3. shangrilarcadia

    shangrilarcadia A lady

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    I agree with andymodem. Also, the pill shouldn't affect her sex drive... But that being said, I would suggest you integrate a vibrator for clitoral stimulation. I am sure she would start enjoying it alot more. Also, if it's hurting, you need to add lube.
     
  4. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Oh of course the pill affects your sex drive. When I got off the pill, my libido increased by 10 fold.
     
  5. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    sounds like a weird ass relationship
     
  6. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    :werd:


    i was seriously thinking the same thing
     
  7. Elusion

    Elusion New Member

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    We are graduate students attending different schools. We dated in high school and undergrad.
     
  8. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Well, it's not this way for everyone, but, I HAAAAATE the pill. Hate it. Will never ever ever use it ever again, because it DID diminish my libido, in addition to putting extra weight on me, and really screwing up my ovaries.
    I used it for about a year 1994-1995, and it only took that long for it to screw me up royally. AND it caused some SERIOUS issues in my relationship, because of it.
    Synthetic hormones SUCK.
    If you can figure out a gentle way to ask her about changing birth control methods, I say GO FOR IT.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2006
  9. justinhazard

    justinhazard New Member

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    Hate to say this but are you sure that there is nothing happening in the background? Definitely not good to think about but it seems rather strange to me that she would not want to fuck you after not seeing you for a couple weeks. Or maybe its the pill, and I'm just a moron. Tell her to go to the doctor though, maybe its something else.
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    With all due respect, maybe your bedroom skills could use some improvement? It sounds like she is not turned on to me. Might I suggest you go to a bookstore and find a nice book on lovemaking? There are some great ones out there.

    I specifically remember a video called something like "sexual surrogate" which was an x-rated flick, but had an excellent point. Basically, it pointed out that most guys beg for sex (turn off), charge in for fingering her clit and nipples too fast (turn off), and try to jam it in before she is wet (big turn off), and basically ruin everything. The video suggests you *don't* touch her clit (or between her legs, basically) or her nipples for at least 10-15 minutes. Instead. spend a lot of time kissing, gently scratching her skin, biting her neck and ears, and running your hands over her body and getting close to the erogenous zones but not touching them. It pointed out that you can blow on her but not touch which is a tease. Basically, you have to hold back until she is ready to go.

    It also points out that you have to learn to STOP when she is done. If things feel like they are drying up, that means she's not enjoying herself. This is an opportunity for you to pull out and do more foreplay, extending things.

    You may need some lube, of course, and a vibrator. If you don't use lube, well, get some. Everyone has their favorite brands but we like Foreplay (blue bottle) as it lasts a fairly long time and you don't need much.

    Do you know where her g-spot is? Can you make her have an orgasm from it? If not, then you also need to go figure that out.

    And, of course, the #1 rule is that she gets an orgasm before you do, if not two, every time. (Unless she's not giving you anything in return.)

    To me, it sounds like you're being over-persistant a little too much. Sure, you never see her, and want to get laid, but I hope you're not asking her straight out. Instead, go to a nice dinner, have a drink, go to a park and fool around, flirt, etc. Basically, pretend like it's a first date and you don't know this woman - how would you act? I bet you wouldn't just straight out ask for sex, you'd flirt, tease, joke, smile, be clean shaven, well dressed, all that stuff.
     
  11. copperkali

    copperkali Mrs. Nicklk

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    The pill DOES mess with your sex drive...when I used to be on it, I didn't want my husband to touch me...no wonder it prevents birth.
     
  12. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

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    It doesn't seem likely she'd agree to that if she only wants missionary position sex.
     
  13. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

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    Yeah the pill can decrease libido but it sure sounds like there are other problems. Good luck.
     
  14. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    different in everyone though....i know a few women, including my wife, who get much hornier while on BC. Then some women arent effected at all.
     
  15. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    Good luck man, sex is a very important part of a marriage, especially early on. Its really interesting that you decided to get married while not being together at all. SOunds hasty, but hopefully it works out for you.

    As for the sex, only time will tell what will happen, did you all have sex before marriage? Some people just arent sexually compatible.... :dunno:
     
  16. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

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    It's like any drug. A very small percentage of people who take it will experience the possible side effects. Drug companies just have to list them so they don't get sued (I work for a drug company :hs: ). I don't think this guy should be looking too blame the pill.
     
  17. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    is she on antidepressants, or other meds?
     
  18. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    My SO actually had a higher sex drive on the pill, it wasn't until she moved over and started getting the needle every three months that we noticed a significant drop in her sex drive...

    My advice is to take Poc Diablo's advice but also to look into other BC methods..
     
  19. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Oh, if you actually WANT to know this, I have been using an IUD for years now, and I am very happy with it, and glad I don't have to deal with those freaking synthetic hormones, in any form, and it is so much better than say, a diaphragm, and NO CONDOMS either! WOO HOO! (was married) And IUDs can stay in for 5-10 years before needing to be replaced.
    Use of an IUD is a touchy subject for some people, though. It doesn't always go along with certain personal/moral beliefs, so, that's something to consider.
     
  20. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    They sound like a bloody good option and I'm surprised more people don't have them.



    That said, I am proof they don't always work :wiggle:
     
  21. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Hee hee! yeah, I have read stories about iud babies. The best one was about a baby girl who was born HOLDING her momether's IUD IN HER HAND! LOL
    PS, I lOVE COWBELL! LOL
     
  22. nikkostarr5

    nikkostarr5 New Member

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    they should make that into a pamphlet and mail to every man in the world :eek3:
     
  23. YogiBird

    YogiBird New Member

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    Mwah....

    Make that: no. 1 rule is: have fun.

    To focus on getting her (or you) to come, is what most men do wrong.(Esp. the in return part.....)

    Many women actually never orgasm during sex.

    That doesn't mean they don't like it.

    Having sex is not a contest.

    Try to find out what your woman likes and dislikes.

    Talking about sex is really important if you want to understand her needs(and yours.......).

    No video will tell you about your girlfriend's needs. Just about women in general.

    Talk to her.
     
  24. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Very, very good advice. But any video/book/advice that makes you smarter, such as the advice you gave, is well worth it in my opinion. ;)
     
  25. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    haha wow! I think POCO and Yogi said it best..
     

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