How do I get my girlfriend to want to do things for me?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by haargerman, Apr 27, 2007.

  1. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    Hey all -

    So, I'm trying to figure out how to get my girlfriend (of about 6 months) to do things in return when I go head over heals for her.

    I'm NOT talking about sex. She's waiting until marriage to have sex, and even though it can frustrating as hell, I totally respect her and her decision.

    I'm more or less talking about little things really. I feel that she can be very selfish I can't figure out a way to tell her this without being a complete dick. Now, I tend to do a lot for her. I spend a lot of money on her (iPod for birthday..dinner..dates..flowers..etc etc), I take her everywhere (she doesnt have a car) - Oh, BTW - I am 19 and she is 18 and I'm probably about 75% sure we will get married, just because she IS an amazing girl, but this part of her personality can be somewhat frustrating.

    Anyways, I do a lot for her, and I'm nothing but as nice as I can be when she complains to me about everything. I realize this is normal, but sometimes I get the vibe that she thinks HER life is more important than mine - to me this is a problem. I feel like I can't express myself around her with her trying to "One-Up" me. I.E. - Everything going on her life is 10x worse than anything going on in my life, etc etc. We have talked about this, but she doesn't seem to get it, and apparently more than one person has told her she does this.

    So I want to keep this short, and I'm just looking for some advice on how I can approach this.

    Please, no "dump her now" replies..that's NOT what I want to here, nor is it an option, ok? ok.

    Thanks Vag.
     
  2. alo816

    alo816 New Member

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    Hmmm this happened with my ex girlfriend. She always took the stuff I did for granted. After a while I stopped doing a lot of little things for her and kind of gave her the cold shoulder a little bit. She ended up doing all kinds of stuff for me and always tried to do nice things for me. My main suggestion is to not give in to her all the time and to try to ignore her a little bit. Make her appreciate the kinds of things you do for her.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    You set a bad presedence already. You spoiled her from the start. You just have to stop, wait out the storm, and start over.
     
  4. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    There is some truth in this.

    However, I feel like even though she grew up in a rough family that didn't have a whole lot of money, she's always gotten what she has wanted - for the most part.

    This is kind of making her seem like a spoiled brat. But it may sound weird, I love her for it, and it only gives me motivation to try and get her to change.
     
  5. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    quoted for emphasis. goodluck bro. Most high school students who are sooo sure they're gonna eventually get married.... they really do. for real man. for real.
     
  6. mcslaughter

    mcslaughter Unstable

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    DONT EVER TRY TO CHANGE SOMEONE. it never works the way you want it too and you'll waste a big part of you life in the process.
     
  7. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    I'm not in High School.

    And, I think my job will be a whole lot easier.

    She's going on vacation for about 3 weeks to Europe, and after that will be living around 2 hours away from me for about 2 months (until fall semester begins) so I won't see her a whole lot.

    Hopefully after this hiatus, she'll wake up and realize what I've done for her.
     
  8. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    I apologize, maybe I wasn't clear.

    I realize you can never change someone, but you can change HOW someone goes about doing things. This is my goal.
     
  9. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Doomed relationship..
     
  10. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    Maybe for those who have no self-control.
     
  11. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Im sure you would feel the same if you were with this chick for 3 years and it ended.
     
  12. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    That's a risk I'm willing to take.
     
  13. One, you need to get this marriage shit out of your head, you are a little kid. You need to live life a lot more before you do that.
    Two, The relationship is doomed.
    Three, I've been where you are, there is no way to satisfy her wants, that distance will fuck you over, just wait and see.
    Four, I'm not going to dissect your post, I'm too damn lazy.
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    fixed
     
  15. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    6 months? You're going head over heals. Ehh ok but maybe take a step back and slow down next time. 6 months is pretty slow.

    Big mistake. Sorry waiting for sex for marriage is completely stupid now days. Get married and find out you hate having sex together. What a waste of time. I'm not saying it has to happen tomorrow but I'd hope it happen before the 1 year mark.

    Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea. Buying shit for women isn't what women want. Well some do, and all appreciate it but you're literally smothering her with gifts. Dutch please. Make a woman pay her way she can make just as much money as you there is no reason you should waste all your bank just to maintain a relationship.

    19 and 18... and you're for sure you're going to get married. Right. Seen statistics lately? I'll be glad to see your name in that divorce one in the future.

    Ever heard nice guys finish last? You're basically fucking yourself in the ass by letting her just do whatever she wants. I'm not saying men should dominate a woman but we're expected to make decisions and damn a relationship is a two-way thing not a one-way thing. You should have equal say as her so why feel so "bad" about bringing stuff up?
     
  16. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    yup:mamoru:
     
  17. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    Oh I missed this one. Man I wish I knew her email.. so I could send her this thread and you get instant dumped.

    Anyone should think their life is most important OVER ANYONES. Why the hell do you expect her to think that?
     
  18. You beat me to it. ^^^^
     
  19. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    lol, thinking about marraige already? good luck man. shit never seems what it is.
     
  20. glass

    glass New Member

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    yeah.. this has "something's not right" written all over it. you two are pretty different at the core from the sounds of it.

    first and foremost, stop spoiling her. if you really think what you have is solid then it shouldn't be a problem. see how she behaves from then on.
     
  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Just a quick question. Why should she change? From her viewpoint I mean. You give her everything she wants. You spoil her. She probably thinks her life is more important than yours because your ACTIONS imply that.

    Go ahead and cut off your generosity. However, don't be surprised if she dumps you. You think that she has been spoiled all her life...she knows at least from you that there are guys out there that will do everything for her.

    So, why should she change if you cut it off? She can just dump you and find someone else who will do the exact same thing...she has probably done this all her life.

    I know it sounds harsh, but if she really is that spoiled, materialistic, and used to getting what she wants....that is probably what will happen.

    Also...she's 18. Most likely a drama queen at this time. It's quite common for girls of her age.

    She's using you for everything she can get...money, gifts, emotional support...and she's not giving anything back.

    I really would suggest ending the relationship since it isn't fair to you...but you don't want to hear that.

    But don't be surprised when SHE ends it when you change your behavior.
     
  22. low20

    low20 Member

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    uh yea man...the dump her now thing isnt far off tho...i mean really...

    i was in the same situation...i would do anything for my gf, and it didnt seem like she was really into putting the same amount of effort into it..one day i asked her to do me a simple favor, it was on her way home from somewhere, and she said no...i lost it...i went to her house, took my shit and left...the whole time she was just smirking at me as if i was kidding...about a week later i went to her house to talk to her about it...told her everything, she said shed change etc, whateevr...i was DEAD SET on never getting back with her...a month and a half passed, she was super upset about it still (very non-typical of her...VERY) i talked to her seriously about it, we ended up back together, and its been like 3 months now and its been 100% different. I cant say that ur gf would change tho, but i think in my case, my gf finally realized that 1- i was serious about the break up, and 2- realized what she really had. sometimes it takes something drastic to change someone, but i honestly know that she has changed, not in just a litle way, but in a big way and i see it every single day, its not something that i need to remind her about or something thats half assed...its actually pretty amazing..but yeah, thats my case.

    my advise is to talk to her about it first, in all seriousness...if nothing changes break up with her for a while, see if shes willing to change. if shes not, then she doesnt like you as much as you tink and your just being unfair to yourself by being with her...look out for numero uno
     
  23. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    good luck! :o
     
  24. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    Holy Fuck, are all of you really that naive?

    Seriously, I should be telling half of YOU to grow the fuck up because it sounds like most of you have been fucked over and are still bitter about it.

    I'm NOT in High School, God Damnit. Get this "You're just a little kid, you can think whatever you want" bullshit out of your heads. This isn't a petty relationship that is going to be taken lightly.


    Sex isn't everything.
    My last relationship, we had sex probably 3 times a day. Easily.

    This relationship... I've really stopped caring about sex. I'm in College, I don't want to worry about something happening, her getting pregnant, and fucking over EVERYTHING I have going on for myself. Fair enough? If you can't respect that, the GTFO out of this thread.

    Thanks to the people who actually took a few minutes to write a response - but you couldn't be anymore wrong. Trust me on this one. I think I'd know more than you would.

    I still haven't recieved any sort of substantial response. (I.E. How to approach woman about this topic, what to say, what NOT to say.) But thanks for trying.

    EDIT - I should probably add, she won't break up with me (Not at this point in our relationship anyways), Unless I did something that deserved it, which won't happen. I know this for sure. She can't stand confrontation and to be honest, believe it or not I still have the upper hand in this relationship, and I intend on keeping it. This is why I'm asking about how I can get her to want do things, maybe she just doesn't know how?

    Get it now?
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007
  25. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I really can't get a girl who will have sex with me.

    Relationship critical, meltdown in 10,9.8.....
     

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