How do i get my friends to stop bringing up my ex?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tqpolo, Apr 15, 2008.

  1. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    My ex and I broken up a little bit over a year ago and it was a 6 yrs relationship. I have a couple of friends that are still friends with her. I hung out with them regularly, one is my ex's old roommate. Since last year, I have cut off my ex from my life and never ask/talk or mentioned her name to any of my friends. I avoid know what's going on in her life and doesn't want to talk about her, period. I never had to say this, a few of my other friends knew so they never bring her up. So the couple of friends that are still friends with her would talk to me about her and it really bothers me. I usually change the subject or avoid answering but they don't seem to get it. I don't want to come off bitter (which I am). If I'm truly over her then I wouldn't care if they talk about her or not (in this case I'm not). I think I have to say something to them next time they bring up my ex but I don't want to come off as being bitter as that will eventually gets back to my ex. The mention of her name alone would make me cringe and I get really upset because I would think about all the shitty times I went through. I just want to close that chapter and move on and let times clear my memory. Now what should I say to them so that they know I really don't care to talk about her anymore?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I still to this day have old friends who bring up my relationship from high school (5-6 years ago now :uh:). It's bound to happen considering you guys dated so long. Friends get used to friends SO's as well, however, I've flat out told friends "look, seriously, I never want to hear about Neal again. I don't care if you saw him at the mall or whatever-nothing."

    I see what you're saying about being bitter and you think hearing about her shouldn't bother you...and maye in a way you're right, but it gets really fucking old no matter what to have people bring her up all the time. You need to say something. You don't need to say you hate her or you are bitter. You just need to tell them you recognize they're still friends with her, and that is fine, but you don't lke hearing about her for right now because it still gives you a ping of pain. If they don't understand or make fun of you, fuck them (not literally), but they are insensitive and ignorant friends that you shouldn't want to keep around.
     
  3. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    See I dont' want to say it gives me a ping of pain. It has been over a year and I shouldn't feel this way (but I do). They just don't seem to get how hurt I was coming off that relationship. I'm not the type that show my emotions so that maybe why they seem a bit insensitive.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Who says you shouldn't feel this way? You? You dated her for 6 YEARS of your young life. Not completely being over her or what happened after a year is understandable and you need to know that.

    If you don't want to show to them that you are at least a little human with emotions over that then fine, you don't have to tell them it pains you....just tell them everything else followed by the fact that you really just don't care to talk about her.
     
  5. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    To me it is somewhat of a battle of the exes. Who is happier right now thing. My ex got a bf and party like there's no tomorrow. She has no problem talking about me to my friends. Which some of it got back to me and about how she puts me down. My ex may not respect me but I still respect her because she was my first love. She tells her side of the story like she is so innocent. I simply cannot tell the whole story because that would be disrespecting her. It angry me that I still care and refuse to put her down. I shouldn't care after what happened and that's why I dont' like it when I feel that way.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She's moving on physically, but not emotionally it seems.

    All I can say is, living well is the best revenge. You've got to disconnect yourself from caring about what she does now or says about you now because it's most likely all bullshit in hopes it will get back to you and hurt you (and it is).

    You've got to constantly tell yourself to not care, not care what she does or says and get your life in motion away from her. She was a huge part of your life but she doesn't need to be apart of your life now. You also have to stop beating yourself up for having a heart. You will only get through life bitter and angry if you cant deal with your emotions in a healthy way.
     
  7. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Back had to the balls every time they bring her up.... i have some friends who all will beat on the person the brings up people that have been ban from CONVO. Sometimes you just need to lay down the law
     
  8. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    You tell them to stop talking to you about her or you will either hurt them, or stop being friends with them. Real friends would understand that you don't want to hear about her and wouldn't bring up the subject knowing that it would upset you.
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Disregard this part.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    just let them know you dont really care to hear about her. like others said, if they are your friends, they should understand. i wouldnt want to hear about my ex, and i have no hard feelings for him at all. i hope he is doing well but thats all.

    its been a year, people should have moved on from talking about her.

    as for it still bothering you, i think thats perfectly fine, just like beer said. it was a long relationship, and the little games she is playing right now to get the details of her life back to you is just dragging that out.
     
  11. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    I get a ping of pain when people mention my ex fiance, and that ended over three years ago.
    Occasionally a friend will mention him and I'll ask them not to again as it makes me uncomfortable or to those who know better "I don't waste time talking about him anymore if you don't mind" end conversation moving on.
    I'm sure they'll understand if you just let them know how it's hurting you.
     
  12. owenstar

    owenstar New Member

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    Easy solution....


    Say the following...

    "doesnt that stupid bitch have better shit to do than pay you assholes off, coming and telling me about how "great" she is doing??? Seriously, if I gave a fuck how she was doing, I would call her up....but I dont, thats the beauty of breaking up...you never have to see or hear from that person again...So tell her the next time you see her that Huge Hefner adopted me and she isnt invited to the mansion"


    Be totally smug and a prick...they will get it....hahahaha

    but never let em see you sweat
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    People still bring up my ex from 4 years ago. :uh:
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    There's really no reason to go about being a dick about it. Unless it's to keep up the facade that he has no heart of emotions, which is stupid just to save face in front of friends. He doesn't even have to go that far. All it takes is a simple, calm "look guys, honestly I still don't really like to talk or hear about her. Could you please discuss her when I'm not around?" Done.

    Trying to act all macho is :greddy: than just telling them honestly that you don't want to hear about her.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You say "I don't want to hear about her, let's talk about something more interesting".

    Or, you make it even simpler, and just say "Hey, I don't want to hear about her".
     
  16. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    Is it in yet?
    I still have ex's that talk about my ex's :rofl:

    I really wish i could cut some poeple out of my life. :wtc:
     
  17. owenstar

    owenstar New Member

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    Haaahahaha totally not trying to pick a fight....but no wonder you hang out with a bunch of dude, they all act like chicks...

    That isnt "saving face" its how men talk amongst themselves....its using humor to get the point across...If one of my buddies did it the way you stated it, we would all talk about his ex more....because obviously he is being a bitch about it....

    Women talk like that...Men dont....

    hahahahaha continue with the male sensativity class
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hsugh: Riiiight. All my male friends obviously must be :greddy: because they have feelings and don't constantly puff their chest out and spout manly bullshit when it's not even necessary. No. It's called being mature. If he honestly straight up told his friends please, that he would just rather not hear or talk about his ex he could leave it at that. If they continued to talk about her then he could walk away or find friends that care more about him than talking about his ex.
     
  19. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I concur. He needs to just tell his friends straight up that he doesn't want to hear/talk about her. His friends may not know how he feels.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb:
    They definitely don't. Because he's never showed a scrap of emotion and so far has been passive aggressive in telling them to not talk about her.
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    was "i don't ever want to hear about X again", because you were hurt by the relationship?
     
  22. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Why disregard it? Playful violence works wonders among (male) friends to make them stop doing something.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Usually I just brushed it off. Like in our OP's case it seems it really bugs him, I more just got overly annoyed that they would bring him up YEARS later, as if he defined me so much that when people saw him I was all they thought about. I was bitter after that relationship for maybe a year after, but from then on I was past over is.

    Still to this day I'll see a good friend from high school and he's one of the first things they bring up. It's more just amazing to me that we were such a big deal in others eyes.
     
  24. armywrx

    armywrx New Member

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    Say "Hey assholes, stop bringing her up. That conjures up bad feelings that I don't need my friends rubbing in."
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Amazing that you and your ex-bf were so important to each other?

    Amazing, in a good way or bad way
     

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