SRS How do I fix my relationship of 6 years?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PaddoK, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    So I'm 22, and have been dating my GF for almost 6 years. We're both a little akward about it because we are the only people we know who have been together for so long. Let alone during college etc. We are best friends, and most of the time we have a really great time together, whether it's partying or just hanging out.

    But for the last like 6 months, maybe longer, we've been having problems. It seems like my girlfriend is constantly annoyed by with me, or instantly upset if I say something slightly wrong, or quick to anger. Half the time we hang out, it's great and we have great fun, sex, and all the good stuff. The other half of the time, it's terrible, and she just gets upset by me being annoying or whatever and snaps at me, which instantly puts me into a bad mood. Granted, after an hour or so I get over it and just move on, but it still happens, and it always makes me feel bad, even though by the end of the night I can always recover. She always appoligizes too.

    An example of this, is just this weekend, I went sailing out to catalina for friday / saturday. When I get back, I'm really missing her / excited to talk to her, so I call her right as I get off the boat as I'm driving back. But there is some traffic and I drive a manual, so I was distracted on the phone, and at one point sort of just said hold on for 20 seconds while I try not to crash. She got annoyed (read: pissy) at the time because she said she was busy making ebay listings or something and that I was wasting her time by having her hold on while I was driving. Just so random and bitchy and unwarranted over something so trivial. Instantly turned me from being in a really good mood back from sailing to being upset about being back.

    SO I know a lot of people are going to read this and say ohh shes cheating on you or something. But in defense of my girlfriend she has ALOT on her plate. A year ago she was diagnosed with having a tumor in her spine, myoxiplillarsomething ependinoma. Over the last year, she has had to withdraw from college for a semester, lost 20k, gone through radiation WHILE going to school and maintaining a 3.7 GPA, on top of all this, she is in constant pain from having her spine broken during the operation, struggles physically, feels isolated because people define her by her cancer, ALSO it may be the case that they found tumor regrowth in her upper back which means potential paralysis and in my girlfriends eyes a slow death. So she has to live with that. Also health insurance is running out and it seems like nobody is willing to cover her and so she has no idea how she is going to pay for her NEED for CATscans and MRI's and all those horribly expensive things.
    But aside from all that, she is also on track to be student manager of a prestigous business thing on campus, and has a GREAT gpa. I'm sure there are also a huge amount of other things wrong too that I'm missing. But she hides it so well, so if I didn't really know her, you would never know.

    So I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't emotionally handle her always getting pissy or annoyed with me over the littlest things, but at the same time, I mean, I don't think I could handle half the shit she goes through. I mean she got better grades than I did, while driving 2+ hours a day just to get to radiation. So I can understand why she is so upset sometimes.

    And when she does get annoyed, there is always a reason. A lot of the times she says she isn't even annoyed at me, just the situation, but it always comes out at me.

    Truthfully, I feel like she is a little sick of me, and a little sick of just life itself with all the bad stuff going on. But what do I do? I have trouble even talking to her because all the other bad stuff going on in her life, and I just add to it. I feel like if I have a problem with her, or if something she does makes me upset, and I try and talk to her about it. It always ends in a fight with her saying stuff like "I just can't handle this" etc.

    It's pretty complex, I don't even feel comfortable posting this, because she reads OT and I know I will forget / leave something out and skew it and it will be unfair to her which will only serve to worsten things. I'm just troubled and really don't know where else to go for advice.
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    That is harsh and I couldn't take it either. My last girl friend had medical problems, nothing like your gf but something that would affect her for the rest of her life. She would get pissy because of it and I would have to deal with it so I know how you feel. On another note...

    Every college in the United States as far as I know will let you withdraw and get a refund if you have medical problems. You need to go to the bored but having cancer I can't see her having many problems getting a refund.
     
  3. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    She didn't get tuition insurance, and it was halfway through the semester. They said no.
     
  4. Plan B

    Plan B New Member

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    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 6.12) Sprint:pPC6800)

    :hs:
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2007
  5. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    wtf is tuition insurance? Here you get a doctors note and they let you withdraw. My friend broke her leg and they let her withdraw from all of her classes with refund. I can't believe they would deny someone with cancer for a refund.
     
  6. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    Just how her school worked. trust me, she tried hard to get 20 grand back.
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Private college huh.
     
  8. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    Yea Claremont McKenna College. Top 10 liberal arts school in nation.
     
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    would she consider talking to someone? give her someone to rant to, and take off some of the pressure. plus, they might even have some help in regards to how to deal with it, and how to communicate with those in her life.
    UF's policy is the same..... there are three deadlines. full, partial and nonrefundable withdraws....even when medical.
     
  10. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    I've tried HARD to get her to talk to someone. She has had ALOT of really bad experiences. Her schools councelor just tried to give her some pills I guess and tell her to forget about it.

    I think she is skeptical of these people because she suffered from back pain for like 3 years before they finally found it was a tumor. Everytime she would go to the doctor they would just tell her it was in her head, tell her to lose some weight, or refuse to give her an MRI. If the doctors had just been willing to treat her sooner, or believed her, or anything they would have found this thing before it was wrapped around her spine.
     
  11. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    They said the same thing about my ex. She has back/neck problems and they told her it was because of depression.
     
  12. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    i've seen this so many times both in life and in counsleing. Normally ask qualifying questions ..

    "does she make arguments up out of nothing"
    "Does she make her point over yours"
    "Do small things that never bothered her before bother her now"

    chances are.. its yes, yes and yes.

    This is what a girl does when she's just tired of the relatioinship and looking for a means to an end. MOST of the time the girl or guy that does this. is honestly hopeing you you break up with them for being such a bitch/dick. The only recourse and fix to this situation is time apart. Yeah i know its not what you wanted to hear but sometimes a little inattention goes a long way. don't be so quick to call her and focus on other things in your life

    with the focus away from her, it will bring to the table one of two things. She'll realize she's been a bitch and come back to you or breath a sign of relife and say.. you know what we're done.

    Either way its a win win because the constant stress and anxiety that these type of relationships bring are just not healthy for a person to withstand.

    they bring about loss of appetite
    Mild depression
    Social withdraw

    the list of symptoms continue on and on.
     
  13. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

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    Are you a counselor? It's precisely responses like this that prevent me from seeking responses from these people. You think that I'm a textbook case of sick of relationship syndrome because you fail to interpret the nuances of an individual's situation. Four years of a psych degree do not equip you with the judgment to assess someone with a complicated and very rare condition (and over the internet for that matter)

    Fact: I'm always in a bad mood
    Fact: I'm in horrible pain all the time. My legs don't work anymore. It's hard to walk, sit, or stand. Radiation damaged my intestine, so I go days without shitting (to the point of wanting to vomit constantly).
    Fact: I found out two months ago that my illness may not be cured. If it is not, there is no treatment for me, and I will die.
    Fact: I don't talk to anyone about it-- not friends and not family because I don't want to drag them down
    Fact: I bottle things up, I don't manage pain well, and I just snap.

    I love the poster very much. Sure, I want out of the relationship, but the only reason why I want out is because I don't want him to be 22 and dealing with the shit that I'm dealing with. It's not fair to him. I wish I could learn to be less angry, hide things better, ignore pain, and communicate.

    I tell paddok to focus on other things on his life and focus on doing well.

    In all honesty, I need to learn how to not let my physical pain interrupt my mental well being? How do I do that? I've been to doctors for pain/symptom management-- no success. I went to a shrink, and they told me that my loss of motor skills was mental. I am isolated because nobody understands-- not even paddok. I feel annoyed with him when he tells me to "suck up the pain and walk faster" when I physically cannot. He tells me to stand with better posture when I cannot possibly try even harder to. At a concert the other night, I needed to sit to very badly (I cannot stand for too long), and he told me to wait until we WALKED back to his apartment (finally, I made him understand that I needed to sit-- and snapping is sometimes the easiest way to do this). Last night at Chipotle, we were standing in line for amost an hour. He felt upset because I was leaning away from him-- the only position that I felt comfortable standing in.

    I'm sick of constantly emphasizing how crappy I feel or how much pain I'm in. I want it t o be understood-- I want to be able to sit when I want to, and I'm sick of having to reemphasize that I can't do things like walk faster.

    I'm just so angry.
     
  14. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    am I a counselor no I'm an apprentice in psychology to an actual psychologist which owns his own practice. which means I'm educated enough to treat and counsel people however for serious mental illness and social disorders I cannot advise.

    So in all fact I'm not a counselor.

    with that out of the way, my advice was given to the poster not to you, he shared nothing of any type of physical disability with said person he made the issue about. He made the issue seem like a text book case of a girl wanting out of a relationship.

    if that girl IS in fact you. then I was right in my assessment. however attacking me based on information the poster neglected to inform the asylum (in terms of severaity, or how you harp on him being to concerend with your health etc etc..) about is completely off base. I'm here to give advice not tell a man or woman what he or she should do.

    you wish to not consult a psychologist for your issues why? this I don't know and would rather not even delve into. Therapy and counseling is what you make of it. If you resist or withhold information it won't work. Same way a nicotine patch won't work if you mentally have not made the CHOICE to want to stop smoking.

    If you are at war with yourself.. you can never hope to gain the edge over your own emotions. I think it be best if you talk this over with him exactly how you just told me.. perhaps maybe you two can come to a medium.
     
  15. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    Yes that is my girlfriend, we have already talked all of the above over without being able to come to a conclusion.
     
  16. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    fuckin doctors they mean well but sometimes stories like these make me really :squint:/:mad:
     
  17. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

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    Mine refused me an MRI because the insurance company gives him a pay raise for remaining under a test quota. Teenage girls and Menopausal women are the least "believed" groups in the health field.

    I suffered for 5 years-- then I lost the ability to walk. Even then, the doctor told me that I was just gaining weight-- I was under 130 lbs.

    Finally, I got an MRI and it was an 8 inch tumor.

    The week before I was finally diagnosed, I went to see a psych because I felt upset that I couldn't walk and nobody would help me. They told me to cope with the "pain of growing up" and gave me psych meds.

    This is why I'm skeptical of doctors. I would really love help channeling my anger; I'm just not sure where to get it. Furthermore, my mom works in the healthcare industry. From what she has witnessed, she says that patients who have sought psych counseling are labeled as "crazies" by nurses and are most likely to be denied care when they complain.

    I need care-- I'm supposed to report even the most subtle symptom because it could mean something big. So what do I do?
     
  18. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    you and millions of others are asking the same question and i seriously have no freakin clue :sadwavey:
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Just read the first few sentences...

    So you guys got together at 16?

    It's not surprising that things are rocky...no one is the same at 22 as they were at 16.

    It's entirely possible (and actually pretty likely) that you guys simply arent the same people you were when you first got together.
     

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