SRS How do I approach this situation?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ruination, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    Background: I met an attractive girl at work about two weeks ago (she's a cashier and I'm one of the truck drivers). Said 'hi' to her a few times (usually when I'm passing the registers on my way back to the delivery office), chatted briefly with her on a couple of occassions (no more than a couple of minutes each time), and it seems like she's pretty cool. She's very outgoing, which is great, since I'm not much of a talker.

    Last weekend: I call up by best friend while I'm on my lunch break to find out what the plan is for his fiance's birthday. He informes me that he invited the cashier who I'm interested in (we all work at the same place), and suggests I pick her up (I'm such a noob at dating so he's always trying to help me out). When I get back to work, she (the cashier) comes up to me and asks if I know the plan for my friend's birthday. We discuss it, I offer to pick her up, she gives me her number and tells me to call her later that night. She ended up driving herself since she didn't think she was going to stay at the bar as long as the rest of us, since she had to work the next day. We met up at the bar, had a few drinks, danced together a handful of times, had a great time. She ended up staying until closing with the rest of us.

    After the bar (memory is a little hazy since I was pretty drunk): She calls me ~15 minutes after we all leave the bar :eek3: , tells me she had a great time. I suggested that we do it again sometime. She said something along the lines of "bear with me, I'm working a lot and going to school right now, etc. etc." I told her that was fine and I had no problem with it.

    Problem: I found out that she had broken up with her boyfriend the night of my friend's birthday. I had a great time with her that night and I would really like to pursue a meaningful relationship with her. However, I don't want to end up being the "rebound guy," or find my way straight to the friendzone. How do I prevent that from happening? :confused:
     
  2. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    go out.. but not often..when she tells you about the "break up", dont gush over it, but listen. Maintain a little distance. If you feel like she wants to get closer, even if it's only physical, go for it, but slow. Maybe a nice kiss.
    And then, gentle push her away gently and tell her something like" I would love for this to go farther, but I dont want to be the rebound guy, and I would also at the same time want to be more than friends"
     
  3. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    Thanks for your input, darnit.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If you don't want to be the rebound guy then it would be best not to get involved.
    Although it's not certain that you'd end up being the rebound guy. Who knows how long it'd last or even if it'd get off the ground.

    Even relationships that start off with all of heaven looking down and smiling upon them...sometimes end, and end badly.

    So the real question is, are you a gambling man?

    After you answer that, we might then have a useful discussion about the mechanics of steering a relationship in the direction you want to go.
     
  5. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    To make this a little easier to read and follow:

    Tim is my best friend
    Erin is his fiance
    Erika is the girl I'm interested in

    Update: Since the night at the bar, I've only talked to her a handful of times at work. The usual "hey, how's it going," nothing really in depth. I decided to invite her over to my place this past Sunday night, after my buddies and I got home from our bowling league.

    Tim and I met up with Erin and Erika at his apartment, to pick them up and then head back to my place. Throughout the night, we all talked, joked around, played beer pong, etc. After a few people had left, it was just me, Tim, Erin and Erika. The five of us had been sitting around the table on my balcony. Tim and Erin had been sitting between Erika and I. Erika asked Erin to switch places with her so she could sit next to me. As the night went on, she started to hold my hand, also kissed me on the cheek once. I remember kissing her cheek later on, however, I can't remember if did again after that. Once my roommate went to bed, the four of us went inside, and sat around the dining room table. I pulled up a comfortable chair for her to sit in, but instead of sitting in it, she told me to sit in it and she sat on my lap. So her and I ended up snuggling while we all chatted for a while longer.

    After a while, Erin decides that it's time to take Tim home since we're all tired and a couple of us had to work the next day. Erika decides to stay the night so she doesn't have to drive home, asks me if I have a pair of shorts and a shirt she can wear for the night (which I provide, of course). So Tim and Erin leave, and Erika and I crawl in to bed. We talk for a little while about this and that. She then holds my hand again and starts talking about taking things slow, how she had a really good time, etc... Eventually she tells me 'goodnight' and we both went to sleep.

    She woke me up the next morning, I get out of bed, then find her in the living room drinking some water. We talk for a half hour, hour or so. Before she leaves, she gives me a big hug, thanks me again, then leaves. I saw her at work later that day, talked briefly on a couple of occassions as I was passing by her register, nothing really about the night before though.

    So now I'm wondering, does it sound like she is genuinely interested? Is the talk about 'taking things slow' a good sign? Am I playing things right by not talking to her too much at work and not calling her outside of work? I've talked to her on the phone about three times. The first two calls were a week apart, the third was the night after (Sunday). What do you guys think?
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    OMG dude..yer so in....just don't push it. She totally digs you but she's getting over someone. Just be cool and let it evolve at her pace. If you push too hard she'll run away scared.
     
  7. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    I don't know where this relationship will go. I do know where I want it to go though. I've seen some of my closest friends begin a relationship with someone who they thought they would be with forever, then to have it all fall apart only a few months later. I know that there is always the possibility that this will blow up in my face. However, I also know that there is that possibility of this turning in to something special, and that alone is enough for me.
     
  8. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    I love your optimism, thank you. I completely agree with letting things evolve at her pace. I made the mistake of rushing in to my last relationship, and I'm not about to let that happen again.
     
  9. JW2

    JW2 New Member

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    If you want to be absolutely sure you never end up in a bad relationship again, I would suggest that you never get involved with another person again.... you see where I'm going with that.
     
  10. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Ignore her "taking it slow" comment. She probably said it to make you feel more at ease because she noticed that you were obviously being reserved. I am not telling you to jump down her throat but don't read too much into those words. I can't tell you the number of times I heard those words and found out that it wasn't true.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    noone does...all we have to go on is past experience of ours and others. As a friend used to say, "My balls aren't crystal"! :naughty:

    You will never know if you'll get burned in this relationship or if you'll end up marrying this woman and staying together for the rest of your lives. Noone does....you just gotta live it to know it. g/l
     
  12. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    Well, things didn't quite go how I wanted them to. I discovered that the girl is a tramp. Plain and simple. While she was telling me all of these things, she was sleeping with my manager, one of the guys in hardware, my friend's shop manager...

    So yeah, I deleted her number and I've pretty much ended all contact with her. I felt like complete ass for a little while, but I'm over the whole thing now.

    I appreciate the advise you guys gave me :wavey:
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    What a touching story
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    EDIT: My comment was inappropriate. I apologize.

    Just be glad you found this out before you developed deeper feelings for her.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2006
  15. Sandwich

    Sandwich OT Supporter

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    ohmygosh :noes:

    this is what the girl i'm seeing is telling me right now. except everyone is telling me to let her lead and take it slow with her. i've never seen diggity give bad advice, now i'm buggin out. :hsd:
     
  16. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    I didn't see your comment, so no harm done. This whole situation just bummed me out because I thought I had honestly found a decent girl for once. I thought I was playing my cards right, but I guess she just had completely different ideas.

    I do appreciate the input you gave me, along with everyone else :)
     

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