SRS How do get someone to love you (article I am writing)....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jshively, Dec 25, 2006.

  1. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    This is an article I am working on writing right now. It is very rough draft (read I suck at grammer and have not gotten that fixed yet thanks to holiday weekend and my genius editing friend is out of town) and some of the points I am still trying to work on driving home. However, I was hoping that this message maybe beneficial to some. As I rework it I will edit this post with the changes and also make notes of the changes if people would like.

    Also, I will accept constructive critiscm. I love to debate and will happily debate any points that I have made. Name calling is tolerating bearing I know you. If the only thing you can think of is b.s. without anything else please save your typing and clicking.


    How do I get this person to see how much I care about them and that I love them? If I hear that question one more time I think I will scream. I see it multiple times a week whether it be a simple e-mail, phone call, or in a day to day conversation. Sometimes I am surprised and find out that it is someone who has been with someone for years and the other person is starting to distance themselves and they want things to return to normal. However 9 out of 10 times it is simply I just met her and well she is the one for me.

    I have a set pattern of ways to handle these situations. First I always ask them what does love mean to you? I could almost say exactly what they are saying word for word before they even open up their mouth. It always includes drop dead gorgeous, talks to me, and knows me. My follow up question is what is her middle name? Rarely is this ever known. Finally, I ask how could they be in love with someone whom they do not even know their middle name since middle names a majority of the time usually have some special meaning.

    The truth of the matter is they are not in love with her, they are in love with the ideal of her. After talking to the person for any extended period of time I normally find out that as a child or growing up they were on the outside and never dated much. They were always secretly jealous of the guy who even know he treated girls like crap always had a gorgeous girl on his arm. They also fantasized that they were the perfect guy for that girl if only they could get their chance to show them how perfect of a guy they are. To them this is their chance to get the girl of their dreams.

    Another realization that always comes out of these conversations is that the girl is treating the guy less than he is treating her but in his mind he knows she is capable of loving him as much as he loves her. Maybe she is always busy or does not return phone calls till he calls a fourth or fifth time. However, he believes she is perfect for him and she will turn around if he just keeps at her and this way she won’t forget about him.

    Truthfully if you have to worry that someone is going to forget about you then I hate to tell you but that relationship is already doomed and no chance of recovery. I can remember in great vivid detail everyone who has ever met anything in my life from the Buddhist I met on the flight from Chicago who taught me more about life in one hour than most people can hope to obtain in years to my very first date. People do not forget easily.

    Second if you feel that you have to try and get her to like you the relationship is doomed. You know why that guy who always got the girl that you were secretly jealous of? He did not care whether she liked him or not because he already knew he was a good catch. He knew that if this relationship did not work out there would be another girl around the corner for him.

    So how do you get the girl? It is all starts even before you go on your first date. If you are not secure and confident with yourself you will never have a chance.

    A confident and secure man is going to out with a girl, have a great time, and realize it was a great time. After the date is done with he may think of her but he is focus his energies on his hobbies and improving himself. He will call later to see how her week is going and ask her out again. If she accepts they go out again and this process is repeated. If he gets treated less than he deserves or she turns down the date with no counter offer most of the time he will wish her the best in his mind and erase her number from his cell phone. He realizes that he does not need someone else in his life to complete his life and he also knows he only deserves the best in life and will not settle for anything less than that.

    So how does this apply to you?

    • Simple you need to realize that a relationship is something that can not be forced it has to form naturally.
    • Someone can not be coherced into wanting you without extreme emotional and phsyical manipulation.
    • You will not feel chemistry with every girl you date and vice versa not every girl is going to feel chemistry with you.
    • You deserve only the best in life. You would not go to a steak restaurant and say wow I really want the filet but well I only deserve the chopped steak. So why should your dating life be any different? If you are being treated than less you deserve wish her the best in your mind and erase her number. It is obvious that this person does not want the same things you want. I have seen girls go to tractor pulls before just because they wanted to be with the guy and also turn down five star restaurants because they did not want to be with the guy.
    • There are going to be a lot of guys that are perfect for her and vice versa there are going to be a lot of girls who are perfect for you. In ten years from now do you want her to remember you as that great guy who she went out on a couple of dates with but there was no chemistry or that creepy guy who she went out on a couple of dates with, called her incessantly, showered with her extravagent presents, and she had to forcefully tell she was not interested?
    • Security and confidence are two traits that will always win in life. Work on those above everything else because without those traits you will never come close to your potential.
    • No one should be capable of causing you emotional distress. If you have to constantly worry about someone that person is a negative influence in your life and you need to remove that person from your life.
    As humans we are creatures of habit so change can be something that is difficult. This process will not be an overnight process, the first step is the hardest, and yes you will slip back into your old ways. Once you take the first step you will be amazed about how much better your life is going to be and how you are capable of achieving goals you never dreamed possible. However, you must realize when you are starting to slip and catch yourself so you do not fall back into your old ways.
     
  2. Kuet

    Kuet New Member

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    good post man.... very good read... i am in the exact situation with a girl , but im sure after talking to me you will realise i really do love this girl,
    i am not in love with the idea of being in love. when she walks into the room , my heart literally stops....
    she smells of cupcakes...
    her middle name is megan...lol .... there are already so many thoughs in my head now i cant translate it down into what im typing here...
    i love this girl, i dream about her, i pray for her well being, i cry for her ( i NEVER CRY FOR ANYTHING )
    when i think about her she always seems to call me, or text me...
    the very inner core of my being tells me this is the girl of my dreams...
    the problem is that she does not, in any way reciprocate these feelings, but i am her best friend...i feel like ryan renolds in just friends....
    anyways that was a rant that after reading makes no fucking sense....
    good read though man, thanks.
     
  3. Electric_Church

    Electric_Church New Member

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    daym good work thankyou
     
  4. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    :wtc:

    i feel for ya
     
  5. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    great article.
     
  6. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    :rofl: on middle name. When you two hang out what do you normally do? Have you tried actually dating her or atleast asking her out? Is there any form of intimacy that has been shown?

    Some people I know have felt strongly about a girl and believed they were friendzoned. Down the line the girl will confess to them at that time the girl had a crush on them and were waiting for the guy to actually make a move.
     
  7. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Thank you. Still a couple things I am not happy with and a couple other points I want to make but that is just my perfectionist trait.
     
  8. Kuet

    Kuet New Member

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    oh ive asked her out... there is intimacy, if you dont recall -was sleeping with her for a good 5 months..alot.... so obviously that involves kissing and such... we do everything when we hang out- go eat, movies, shopping if she has to go.... comes over to the pad and chills, watches tv/movie.... chills in my room.... sexes me up...meet up for coffee.... i even go see her on her luch break sometimes, she callls me b4 she goes to bed and when she wakes up, on the way to work.... fuck this is making me:wtc:
     
  9. striker79

    striker79 I'm a big hair pimp

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    Same situation:wtc: met her online and just clicked immediately.It was if we had known each other for years, it kinda freaked me out at first.then she dropped the bomb that she had a bf but i was cool with it because i knew it wouldn't work between them and i didn't want this weird but super cool thing we had.Then one day she just disappeared and i heard she was at another forum and i was sad because i had feeling for her.She came back a few months later and told me she still wanted to be friends and we've been talking off and on since.
    Mid 06 she got engaged but late November she broke it off because she didn't love him but went MIA again until Christmas eve.We've gotten to the point of not talking now and i was thinking of trying to talk to her about weather or not she still wanted to remain friends but haven't had the guts yet to say anything for the fear of coming off needy or weird.
    But it was one of those situations where after she left the first time i knew i loved her but short of flying to Canada where she lives i don't know how to tell her, I'm not very good at writing when it comes to emotional crap and i don't have a way of telling her with out a bunch of people seeing.
    I'd typically let it go and move on but i see hear or experience stuff that reminds me of her every day and it makes me wonder if we're not supposed to be more than we are now or were in the past.
     
  10. nost

    nost New Member

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    good read :)
     

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