SRS how do gain confidence in yourself?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by quamen, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,503
    Likes Received:
    0
    How do you guys go about gaining confidence in yourself. I was never really confident, because i was made fun of alot during my teens till about 22 because i was really really skinny and looked goofy. Joined the gym about 3 years ago, look like a different person, but still dont feel confident. I go and just criticize myself all the time, wish i looked different, thought different, acted different, was funnier etc. Every time i want to improve on something, i do and then i have another issue pop up with myself and i obsess over it. I really haven't dated any girls in a while, sometimes people actually think im gay because of it. Many people are like your handsome or very good looking, but i always think not no matter how much i have heard this. Hard for me to even look directly at people say at the gym etc, because i don't feel good about myself.
     
  2. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Being made fun of will drop your confidence for a long time. My personal, probably overly thought about, theory on this is that you don't feel like you are part of the dominant male group it is wise for you to stay away from women because it could get you killed by that dominant male group. Thats how it worked 10k years ago atleast. So if you've ever been dominated by other males you always feel like even if you get with a girl someone will always be there that can take her away or will hurt you, and THAT is what makes you nervous and unsure.

    Its a hard thing to fix though. Getting some friends that really back you up in whatever you do will probably give you a better sense of security. Other than that, going to a therapist and setting goals for yourself that you then achieve should also help a lot. Doing boxing and now jiut jitsu helped me out a lot. Once you're not physically afraid of other people everything becomes a lot easier. Also, becoming an expert at something and then mentoring younger people will also boost your confidence because others will look to you for guidance and support.
     
  3. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2004
    Messages:
    10,842
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Palace of Auburn Hills
    pray about it
     
  4. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    What is "confidence"? You are going to have to ask yourself to perform differently. What is stopping you from getting what you want, and how to do work with it to get what you want?
     
  5. quamen

    quamen New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,503
    Likes Received:
    0
    i think the issue is more of a personal appearance thing that i seem to over worry about, not feeling good about myself. No matter how much I try to improve these areas, i feel like i always find something new to be concerned with.
     
  6. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Everyone is unique. Nobody is better than anyone else. The sooner you accept and appreciate who you are, the better off you'll be.

    Good Luck!
     
  7. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    I feel your pain. I never got any attention from girls in high school and made fun of because I was over weight. I lost nearly 100 pounds I got into a dis functional relationship. now i have zero confidence. even walking out in public. ever tells me i'm really good looking and nice but I dont see it. If you find the cure let me know. good luck
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    These are psychological wounds and need to be treated by going to a psychiatrist and not a gym. Its an internal problem caused by an exterior cause of bullying.

    People kept telling you 'you are not ok' , you took this to heart and start believing their brainwashing, you believed it up to the point that you started doubting yourself, and started critisizing your own looks and hit the gym to improve yourself.

    What it means is that you did not have the realisation that all what they where saying is complete bullshit. Those kids are all living in darkness, they don't know what a good person or a bad person is, nor can they see thru a persons real qualities, they are just superficially judging on what they see, and give psychological blows to anyone without thinking. In other words they are just stupid and you should ignore their bullshit.

    Look, im all for going to the gym but not for the reasons you listed. You are going to the gym 'for them' for the bulliers and the ghosts that haunted you in the past. Those people are gone out of your life, and who is left alone with the damage? You.

    You are here walking with your psychological damage, training your body to satisfy those people who do not even exist anymore in your life. Why?

    Bring back the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in YOUR hands, be your own judge,jury and executor, otherwhise you'll just become and emotional soccerball for the ghosts of your past to play with. Don't allow others to decide how you look, unchain yourself from these locks of the past. Train for yourself, don't give a damn about what others think. There are 7 billion people in this world who all want you to be who they want you to be, you can't satisfy them all so why try? Why not live your own life instead of trying to satisfy their lives.

    Because of the emotional trauma you have become a reclusive, this is the reason why you aren't chasing girls, it doesn't mean you are gay at all, it means that you are doubting yourself because all your confidence has been shattered as the result of your emotional trauma of the past , you simply want attention but have build a castle wall around yourself are too afraid to go out because you want to protect yourself from the pain. However people are social animals and need social contact. Therefore

    You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

    Do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    Therefore shovle all the negativity out of your life like a garbage man, everything that is messy has got to go out of your life.
     
  9. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    What are you using as a yardstick?
     
  10. chrissponias

    chrissponias New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Athens, Greece
    You have to learn how to accept yourself. You are not as strong as you would like to be, so what? There are many things you can do:

    • Read. The internet if full of free useful information. Read articles and free ebooks that will help you.
    • Say to yourself that you have many qualities, you are intelligent, and you are much better than many other people.
    • Look for new friends. Don’t stick with the same ones. Go to other places, look for activities where you could find people like you.
    • Remember that one is accepted in society for many reasons, and the most important is: because they have a nice personality, their words are clever, funny, intelligent, interesting, etc. Learn how to be a pleasant company by reading everything you can find about it online and for free. There are many very valuable free ebooks everywhere.
    In the beginning nothing helps you, but as you think about everything you have read and you start putting the various lessons you have learned in practice, and you start seeing positive results, you’ll feel much better.

    And basically, don’t care so much about other people’s opinion. You are who you are: you have your talents and defects. There are people that admire you, but there are also people that don’t like you and never will, because they cannot evaluate the positive aspects of your personality. You cannot please everyone in this world. Look for people that will understand you, and admire you.
     
  11. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is a great thing to think and believe in but it's simply not true. There are tons of people better than me in many areas. And I'm better than people in other areas.

    However, accepting yourself is one thing you will need to do. If you constantly compare yourself to others you will never get anywhere because there is always someone who is better than you at certain things. This doesn't mean you should stop trying to improve on yourself, but do the best you can and accept it.
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    The best way is to apply yourself to learning skills and mastering different things. Feeling good about yourself starts with proving yourself as being capable of succeeding in what you strive for. It helps to also surround yourself with positive people who lift you up and to remove those who unfairly criticize you.
     
  13. The essential trouble is, the cretins run the world. You might have trouble, being a gentleman, accepting this. you are better then they are.
     
  14. quamen

    quamen New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,503
    Likes Received:
    0


    i really am speechless and cannot thank you enough, you know my feelings perfectly. It is almost as if your feeling what i feel, because that is how well you described everything. I am going to take this and print it out, because i have never had anyone nail this like you did, thank you so much.
     

Share This Page