SRS How did you win her/him back?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by getoffofit, Sep 27, 2005.

  1. getoffofit

    getoffofit New Member

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    ok my first thread in the asylum.. hope you guys are more forgiving than the rest of OT.. hah. So me and my SO for about 7 years had a pretty big squabble about something i really dont want to bring up.. anyways, it ended up with her saying "i feel as if you dont/never really loved me." (ouch) shes not answering my calls right now or answering any of my emails either. she just graduated ucla and is moving up to the bay area this week, and staying for about 2 years to finish up school. I on the other hand have to stay down in LA because of work. what i want to know is what have you guys done in the past to win someone back. i want to show her how much she still means to me after all these years. any ideas?
     
  2. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    :werd: and not just something specifically for her, but something you would not usually do. It's not a surprise if "that's so you." Doing something way bigger than you've put effort into before is teh win. In all those stupid romantic comedies, when guys do dumb things during public events just to win someone back? That's not fiction... except for when they hijack a TV show or sports game to do it, because then you'd go get in pretty big trouble.
     
  3. getoffofit

    getoffofit New Member

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    ^ yea thats what i was thinking something over the top. its just going to be pretty hard because shes going to be up north.

    and i dont think a gift of some sort would essentially work, it seems as though she might jsut toss it aside or something. but maybe i can come up with something. thx guys.

    any more ideas? like things that some of you guys have actually done.
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Awwww, what did you do/say for her to make a statement like that?
    Share. Please.
     
  5. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    Yeah, we're gonna have to know what you said to make her say that.
     
  6. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Move on! You can't make anyone be with you.
     
  7. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    sorry, you cant argue your way out of dumped...

    if anyone knew the secret to making someone who broke up w/ you want you back...
    they're not telling... and if they did tell... there'd be no good songs on the radio
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i've done it many many times
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    typical off topic response, i can't believe we get one of these in every relationship thread
     
  10. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Did you even see what he typed? 7 year relationship and she breaks up with him for something he did. Which he doesn't mention.
     
  11. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Did they even break up or is she just mad at him?
     
  12. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    the details (or lack of) make it hard to formulate a reasonable reply.

    she is obviously evidently feeling very hurt, and lashing out in a defensive mechanism. If she's not answering your calls, etc. and it's this close until she moves, it sounds like she has made up her mind, and/or playing games.

    She may have subconciously been thinking this way for a while with the strain of such a separation for two years, and this may be one way she deals with her guilt over some of those feelings as well.

    Hard to say w/out more details, and/or her perspective. I personally wouldn't try anything "over the top".

    you have 7 years together. In theory, there should be a basis for some honest, and open communication. you need to find a way to confront her, and force her to deal with you, and/or the issue.

    if it ends badly, it's part of life. we've all been there on some scale. at a minimum, after seven years, you both deserve a clear understanding, and/or clean break.

    or open, and honest communication on how to resolve the issue, and move forward/past it together.
     
  13. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    7 years, i seriously doubt she left you for real over something trivial
    mind me asking why yall arent married after 7 years
    sounds like there is a lot more going on than let on
     
  14. getoffofit

    getoffofit New Member

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    wow thanks for the responses guys!

    ok, just to clarify things.. no we did not break up. weve just been really rocky lately (in a slump maybe?). we have had talks about marraige, but i just dont feel its the right time. im 24 shes 23, she still has med school and im still trying to figure things out for myself(career wise). And thats basically what we argued about. she wanted to get married and for me to move up and me saying "no i dont feel its the right time" came off as "no i dont love you". i know shes over reacting a bit, but thats how she can be at times and ive accepted that flaw of hers. i just want to reassure her that even if theres a chance we break up(or not) for the 2 years shes gone, everything will be ok, and that i still do really love her. Sometimes saying it jsut isnt enough.. thats why i wanted to do something that still shows that ultimately shes still the one for me regardless of what we decide to do.


    i didnt get dumped. and it is possible to argue your way out of it. ive done it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2005
  15. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    ahh, hmmm 7 years.... sounds like its about time to shit or get off the pot
     
  16. getoffofit

    getoffofit New Member

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    eh? i do feel the urge to drop one at the moment.
     
  17. OlafBeserka

    OlafBeserka girls pee pee when they see me OT Supporter

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    You sound like me. My girl sounds the same as yours. I've done some messed up things in my relationship and I always question why is she still with me.

    Hopefully i can help you out in some sort of way. When i did the unthinkable to my gf and she didnt want to talk to me, see me, or hear of me. I didnt force her to talk to me. At first i did because that was the first thing that came to mind. After talking to some really close friends I stopped calling her for a little while and just let her relax on her own to get her thoughts strait. What you need to do it just tell her how you feel after she has relaxed a little bit. She may have over reacted but think of how you would feel if you were in her shoes. "WTF im not good enough to marry?" Call her maybe once a couple days just to say you didnt forget about her. Making sure she knows you care is the biggest issue.

    Explain to her that you are still trying to figure out your career. She is already done with school and you arent, maybe thats why you feel you arent ready. There are no tricks to get her back just like that. If you could, fly up and suprise her. Then talk seriously over dinner.

    Sorry my thoughts are all over the place. I got like a crap loud of ideas in my head about how to help you, and what I've been through.

    -btw first post. LOL
     
  18. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    If after 7 years you have not proposed to her, she's going to move on. Irregardless of what you argued about, my money is on the fact that she wants to get married, have some kids, and start a family. If you don't want that, then you have no chance of getting her back no matter what you do or say. She's not going to date you forever. Women are sensitive to the fact that they are getting older, more wrinkles, and need to start a family before it's too late. At least, that has been my experience with most women.

    I think it's what was NOT spoken that is most likely the issue. And I think you blew it. You had 7 years to make it right, now she is tired of waiting on you to prove your love to her by marrying her. And if you have not proposed... or can't.... well, then it seems you don't really love her enough to do anything to win her back. Why make her waste her life waiting for you?
     
  19. OlafBeserka

    OlafBeserka girls pee pee when they see me OT Supporter

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    All he has to do is explain to her why he doesnt want to get married. Look at the situation. I mean sure she is ready to move on, but she also has to understand that he isnt ready yet. That doesnt mean he doesnt love her, he still has to get himself established.

    For me personnaly i wouldnt get married if I am not in a serious career and out of school. She has 2 years left, but basically already in the door of a job. If shes done with school and I am not, i wouldnt want to get married. I need to get myself established first.
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    This is kinda off topic, but you sure can argue your way out of being dumped.

    If you know how to talk, that is. Haven't you ever been convinced to do something that you didn't initially want to do? No different.

    You can get dumped, argue/talk your way back in, have sex, get dumped, talk, sex, dump, talk, sex, dump...

    Couples have been doing this since....forever....
     
  21. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    To get her back, just do whatever Johan tells you to do.
     
  22. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah, if you really want to win her back, it would help to know why she dumped you.
    You then take some steps to show her that you've changed. Whatever she dumped you over...is no longer the case.
    Note that this does not necessarily have to be true, you just have to give the impression of having done so.

    Then you make a big effort to really win her over. If she starts arguing with you, get defensive. Get righteous. Point out her flaws. Proclaim that you never pretended to be perrrrrfect, and that she's not perfect either.

    Remember that time she screwed up royally and YOU forgave HER? Damn rights you remember it, and so will she...

    If you're not having wild make-up sex by 9pm you haven't done it right.

    I can't guarantee you guys'll stay together, but there you have it.

    Any extraneous details, like dinner, movie, games, gifts, etc. those are all window dressing and optional. Yes, optional.

    If you get to the meat of the issue, the emotional context surrounding the dumping, you don't need any gifts.

    You can buy gifts, sure, but ...let's say she caught you in bed with another girl. Is a $5000 diamond pendant going to fix it? Nope, not really. Even if she really really wanted the diamond, she'll feel bad taking it because it makes her a bit of a whore and opportunist. So she'll be forced into making a stand ("do you think you can BUY me off with your shitty jewellery??").

    So...do the whole gift thing if you want, but in the end, some TALK is all you really need.

    People buy gifts to avoid talking. Good luck.
     

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