SRS how can she prove it to me?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SUS031, Apr 17, 2007.

  1. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    ok. ive been with the same girl for 3.5 years.

    we recently broke up, because i had discovered she had had some msn convos with a bloke, that i really wish didnt happen.

    it is absolutely killing me. i miss her so damn much, and i still love her, despite this.

    she is in the same boat. we have spoken about it in great detail, and i am willing to overlook it, and take her back if she can prove that this will never happen again...

    the big question, from both of us sitting here, is how can she prove this?

    we cant think of anything. we both miss each other like crazy, we still talk a lot, and have slept together since, but me being a stubborn bastard that i am, do not want to suffer that pain ever again. i need proof!

    how can she do this OT? please help!
     
  2. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    :highschool:
     
  3. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    uh no. but we have been together since then...

    thought this section was supposed to be serious, and not alike the OT section?
     
  4. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    Actually, it is serious, but come on.. dumping a girl over an MSN convo? You must not be keeping her much company if she's got time to fool around online.:nono:
     
  5. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    at the moment we live about an hours drive from each other, as we have both gone back to parents houses to save more money for one of our own, and we both work 9-5 jobs. (well at the moment i dont, ive become a student again.)

    the convo itself was of a serious nature, there was some shit in there that should have forever remained for my ears/eyes only.

    we worked through this all up to this point. neither of us can find a way for her to prove it wont happen again, she says it wont, and im sure she means it, but i still dont want to risk the pain.
     
  6. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    She didn't care enough to keep things to herself, you shouldn't care to keep her around. Noone deserves a second chance in a relationship. People don't change.
     
  7. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Come on now hate crime.. thats abit over the top, don't cha think? These two have a 3.5 year relationship and they're going to end it based on an online conversation. I can understand the OP's problem, I really can but exactly what were the things being said in the convo? That can explain a lot.

    For all we know the OP could be taking the online conversation a lot worst than what it really is since hes emotionally attached whereas someone who doesn't have any feelings towards and of them can give it straight to the point without being sugar coated opinion that speaks volumes if its worth holding onto the relationship or simply letting go..
     
  8. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    That's exactly what I said the first time. Why over an MSN convo? Obviously if something online pushed him over the edge, there may be some other sortings that need to be done.:hsd:
     
  9. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Depends on the type of convo...
     
  10. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    ok, she was talking to this guy over msn, because it was just the form of communication being used at the time. he's from a car club in my local area, i sorta know him.

    we have been discussing this for a few weeks now, i am totally prepared to continue the relationship, thats not the problem. we just need a way for her to prove somehting like this will never happen again
     
  11. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I have to agree. If the convo had sex and other topics in it, what makes you thinkt hat she wouldn't of done it.
     
  12. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    Honestly, you could be waiting an entire lifetime for something like that. Either take her back or let her go. There is too much to think about, and it will just make you worry twice as much.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    It would have to be a very strange situation for me to take someone back after this. Taking them back isn't some great sign that you're an awesome cat and she's going to suddenly remember this and forever again be loyal. Maybe in Hollywood. In the real world most of the time you're just teaching the person that they can get away with it. You show them that despite them giving you the biggest slap in the face that they could, you'll still buckle and let them come back. On top of that, what about the feelings they had that allowed them to cheat in the first place? Do they dissappear? They are still there, and if you're taking her back then perhaps that whole weakness is one of things that caused her interest level to dwindle to the point to where she cheated in the first place, and by taking her back you're only increasing the gap between you and her.

    There is a lot going on in situations like this which is why I said it would have to be a very very weird situation for me to take back a cheater.
     
  14. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    yeah it did.
     
  15. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    i know without something to prove it wont happen again, i will worry endlessly every time she is out of my sight.
     
  16. SUS031

    SUS031 Zing!

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    yeah that thought has been in my head, im willing to take the risk i guess. i just want something for her to prove it wont happen again, which will either do as it says, or can be used against her if it does happen again.

    i know that sounded harsh, but im looking at this realistically
     
  17. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You are looking for something that isn't there. There is nothing she can do or say that will "prove" it won't happen again. She doesn't know for sure that she won't do it again either. She's done it once and you let her get away with it so there's no reason for her not to do it again. Your only choices are to forgive her for what she did and try to forget about it or break up with her. There is no magic thing that will make the issue go away.
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    3.5 years.

    Slutty conversation.

    I don't know what to say. It could just be one big mistake from someone who is bored.

    Then again, she could go out and fuck around on you.

    You don't really have much time to decide. I say get back with her, and stop worrying about her cheating. Keep a hawk eye on her MSN history, she deserves that. Keep a hawk eye on where she goes. Don't harass her about it, don't worry about it, because your negativity will only attract the negative action.

    Tell her you are serious about this relationship and if she wants to be looking at anything in the future she is going to have to be loyal as a fuckin dog like you are.

    I always recommend staying in it till the end though... take that for what you will.
     
  19. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If your 4 year old knows it is wrong to steal cookies from the cookiejar, yet you find out that they did steal some anyway and your punishment for this behavior is, "Promise me it won't happen again" and that's it, do you think this will be sufficient to ensure they won't? I don't. If you want to take that risk then good luck. I don't like seeing good people hurt.
    I think that in order for someone to be unwilling to committ the same foul they need to see the consequences of their actions. Taking a cheater back IMO let's them off the hook, no matter how much you yell, lecture, plead, cry, etc. There is a fact that they WANTED to risk that action, and then CHOSE to make that action. I don't see how taking someone back is the right decision.
     
  20. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    First of all, details on the MSN convo will help. How bad was it? If it was really slutty then I have to say you're doomed. Sooner or later she's gonna cheat on you. I've had this happened to me twice.

    I've learned to recognize the signs early on. I usually tell the girl to go F*** herself and leave me alone. This makes her run back usually. In the end though, it will never work out between you two. You just can't get yourself to trust her anymore. And this is totally her fault. Don't ever blame yourself for it because that's what she'll try to do.

    Most people just don't get it. They hope the other person will change etc but they never do. I suggest you start looking for someone worthy. This girl sucks balls. Let me know how it works out. Most people never give updates and it sucks to be giving advice without knowing what fuck happened later on. Good luck buddy.
     
  21. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Wow. It could be "just one big mistake because they were bored"? After 3.5 years of devoted relationship from the OP, and it could be that she was just bored and it was just one mistake? That's all? No biggie? Yeesh...

    I'm sorry but you're nuts. For one, you contradicted yourself. You said, "stop worrying about her cheating" yet you then say to keep a hawks eye on her MSN history, where she goes, etc... I'd say that's worrying about it.

    In addition, you instruct him to tell her that he is serious about this relationship? I think 3.5 years of faithfullness tells her that he's serious about this relationship and if she didn't get that memo then too bad. Also, how is taking her back telling her that she's going to have to be loyal like the dog you are? First off, taking her back is forgiving her disloyalty, not telling her that you're serious about it. Second, do you always call girls whom you are taking back a dog? Serious contradictions all throughout that post, and worst advice possible IMO.
     
  22. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Spot on post.
     
  23. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I read your post, she was not disloyal to the point of breaking up (imo) unless the conversation was with someone in the local, and to give you some credit it probally was.

    But they both still have feelings for each other. And 3.5 years is a long time, if they have been getting along fine, you have to give them some credit there too.

    You also have to take in to my point of view my religious bias. It is said you cannot leave your partner (husband or wife, in God's eyes that is through sex, when the two become one), unless it is for fornication, adultery, or she or he chooses to leave you. I cannot give any other advice but this! It is part of my beliefs... so... what can I do...? I just follow them.

    This is the asylum and people are coming here for different points of view, so I hope you can understand a religious standpoint.

    Unless she has gotten with someone right now, they technically are still together... it is quite obvious the connection has not been broken, because he would not be posting this.

    And if he really wanted to know if she actually cheated, he can know. He only has to stop identifying with the situation, because in that case he will feel sympathetic and a little intoxicated by her emotions.

    This guy needs different views, not just the same "ditch her, she must be unfaithful". He will have to find another partner, and maybe it will not be the same.

    3.5 years is a long time. There are often mistakes made in that time. People get bored. To be worried is to be identified with the situation and worried about her cheating. He still needs to trust her, but he also needs to monitor her. That may sound quite contradictory, I agree, however he must be able to trust her because he cannot be constantly accusing her. However he must also make sure it does not continue on the internet, not one iota.

    To throw out my advise as "bad" or "trash" is being incosiderate to the 3.5 years they have been together. While she may have cheated on the internet, it has not gotten physical, and she might stay loyal. MIGHT. It is this man's choice to decide.

    This is not to say that she would not follow up on that MSN conversation in real life. In fact it might only take her to get drunk to act on impulses she had anyways.
     
  24. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Not to disrespect your beliefs but I don't agree. If her mind is not in the relationship, what good is she? You're saying as long as she didn't sleep with someone else it's okay? That's ridiculous! He shouldn't keep her if her heart's not in it. It's like F***king a dead body!
     
  25. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    :bowdown: to not agreeing. Freedom of mind is key!

    If her mind is not in the relationship, she should leave him. If she continues to act adulturous, he can divorce from her... It is not okay as long as she hasen't slept with anyone, but divorce can be committed on many levels of the Being. So he could break up for that, although it is painful.

    It is rediculous, which is why it's the hard path. I always take my relationships to the end, no matter how painful the end is. There are people here to vertify that I guess. :p
     

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