SRS How can I not get pushed around?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RebootEnzo, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    This is going to be a pretty long post so be warned.

    It is another Friday and I haad just got off work around 4, I must mention that I get up at 5am for my job, where I then head over to one of m coworkers place. We start drinking early by chugging a bottle of wine, lol first one for me spent a whole 4 bucks too. I go home when my friend said he was going to pass out, peace out. As I was driving home I get a call from one of my friends asking why I am doing where I tell him that I am going to a party later on that I was invited to by one of my co-workers(this plays a part later on) I get home about 8pm and head up stairs to take a nap before the party. About twenty mintues later I get a call from my roommate to let some of his friends who had been knocking. He is confused as why I am alseep and I tell him I am really tired as I have been up since 5am + 10 hours shift + bottle of wine. Anyways, I let his friend in then just go back up stairs to sleep which gets a wtf reaction once again. That I am being rude for going to sleep...

    One of the persons that came over was someone who had pissed me off in the past. So they think I am just going up to my room and avoiding them. They say I am super shy and wierd later on. Anyways my roomate gets back about 20 min later where they keep talking shit about me. So I am laying there thinking they are going to head out. Well one of my good friends comes over super wasted, the one that I mentioned that I was going to a party later. He shows up without calling heads up stairs to wake me up saying let me in that he came over to see me. The only thing he cares about is the location of the party which I had told no one where was. He keeps asking me where I was going. I just say, well I am really tired I was sleeping until everyone came over and that I don't plan to head out until later. I also tell him as my friend he is always invited to go with me but people I don't know or like are not invited. Well, he goes downstairs and proceedes to keep them from leaving by saying that I know where a party is. Eventhough I just told him I was NOT going to fucking take 6 guys with me to the party.

    They proceed to make fun of me more in my own house. That I am weird for sleeping, eventhough I was alseep when they came over. Start to talk about stealing my shoes so I have to go barefoot. Then insult the party that I am going to go to saying its gay. Yet that did not stop them from sitting their for 3 hours to find out where it is.

    After sometime they go through the troubble to devise a plan to find out where the party is. They leave so I will come out and go to the party but they leave my good friend here to ride with me. After about 10 min of driving around my friend gets a call from the other group asking where the party is. He of course can't tell them because I knew they would do that so I keep driving around saying I don't know where the party is. They talk on the phone forever of course talking more shit about me. After they get off the phone I drive up to the party with my friend.

    We walk up and to the back where I meet my friend, the keg party was supposed to be a two kegger it is a three kegger. About 60 people there... Well my friend leaves after one glass a beer saying the party sucked. So the party that I did not invite anyone to go to got insulted.

    I just don't understand why any of this happened at all. Why was I not allowed to just sleep and go to the party alone. If I didn't invite you why act like this???

    There is nothing I could have done to make this any better. If I would have been like. No, I am going to party alone because I was invited not you guys and it is a good friend of mine. Good enough not to roll up on a party with tons of guys that no one knows.

    I could have went and said fuck you all but that would have ended very bad.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    This is a form of group pressure. Basically there's a human tendency that declares 'not joining a party' as 'incomprehensible, followed by a 'why aren't you joining?

    'afteral , the more, the merrier' Is what they think, 'don't you belong?' and if you give the signal 'no i do not belong to your group', then it becomes an 'anyone who falls out of the group can be rediculed ' kind of thing.

    Its sorta of a simular idea of 'if everyone wears Nike shoes in the class', and you're the only one wearing O'Neil shoes , then your shoes will be rediculed, this goes back to our DNA roots, which tries to weed out defective disproportioned Genetics by outcasting or even killing those who are different. Which causes all kinds of forms of racism and rediculing or disregarding those who are different.

    So basically the idea would be that an enethnical solution would be to 'join them' which is done by becoming one of them this would allow you not to get pushed around. Realistically, I think its trash , i mean its your roommate and his friends, why the hell would they care, or interfere with your life?

    But the reaction they displayed would be just all too common, if id let you into my house and then goto bed, they would feel 'alone' in the sense of that the person who is in charge of the appartment is just not taking responsibility at all by leaving people 'he might not know' unattended in the house. That would definitly give a 'wtf' reaction.

    I think from your side its caused by a lack of communication, afteral if you would have said something like 'listen , your friend will be up here any minute , id would have loved to join you, but i've worked from 5 am , 10 hour shift and had wine already so im wasted and going to bed.

    Then they could have said something like 'oh ok'.

    If you would provide people with valid explanations for your behaviour things would become much more clearer for everyone. No its true you don't 'own' them an explanation, but its not about that, its nothing to kept secret either.

    You are a part of a whole, everyone needs to know their 'position' within that whole , if people don't know the position of eachother within a situation , you'll get a wtf , attitude because of the lack of a good explanation.

    So for the sake of your peace and that of everyone else, plan out what you do and say, and make sure everyone is informed about your plans as far as it is complementary. That way you'll prevent they'll get the wrong ideas about you.

    If you are really shy then that's probably the reason why you haven't communicated these things to them, and that would bring the problem back to the origin, namely being shy.
     
  3. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Your friend is an idiot, and his friends are idiots. (if I read the story right.)

    As for you, if you wanted to sleep and go alone later, that's exactly what you should've done. It sounds like you weren't 'allowed' to do that because you let yourself get pushed around by them.
     
  4. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I had told them this before that I get tired really early and I am usually sleeping when people come home; however, they just see it as a way of avoiding them.

    One time when I was sleeping early one night they stomped up and down the stairs putting shit on my door while laughing..They are only doing this for a reaction. I seem fucked either way..

    If I do nothing, they say I am being a pansy. If I am like stop being a jack ass and leave me the fuck alone I get called a pissy bitch because I don't want to do anything with them.

    No, I am not shy but I just don't want to do things with certain people so I keep things short. People seem to get offended that I don't want to do things with them. I really don't know why anyone would care though.

    I think you made a very valid point about not being part of the group. When I moved in I never wanted to be part of the group to begin with. I wanted to meet new people and build my own social life. Not stay with the same one since high school. I have a ton of fun with my new friends. We don't fight or argue or any shit...I had a ton of fun at the party too..The most fun I have had at a party in about a year.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If you don't want people in your house, and they refuse to leave, you call the police (assuming they are not also on the lease or other legal documents pertaining to ownership/rental of the building).

    As for the rest, I only skimmed it, but I agree with the above poster...all of this was under your control, yet you still kind of went along with/allowed what they wanted to happen.

    And stop hanging out with such disrespectful people...
     
  6. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    They are roommates friends so how can I get the police to kick them out. Is he not allowed by law to have friends over even if they are jackasses. Also, I don't hang around them. Why do you think I was trying to go alone?

    Also, you say I went along with it. Do you really think going and saying "no, none of you are invited" to 6 guys would have went over well?(Even though they already knew I did not want them to go) I know exactly what would have happen. They would have tried to pressure me into going and called me a bitch everytime I say no. They had my car blocked in and they may have not moved it or take forever too.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2008
  7. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    Learn to say "no".

    You could have told them "no you can't come in, I'm sleeping". You could have come downstairs while they were talking shit and said "you guys aren't coming with me, leave now". Etc. It sounds like multiple things happened to you that you weren't happy about, but you did not stand up for yourself.

    Also, do not drive after drinking a bottle of wine. Do not drive to keggers that you plan to get wasted at either. (mod edit: Show some love :hsnono:)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2008
  8. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    Dude, they are 6 guys who you know.. whether they are your best friends or not, they aren't going to kick your ass or anything if you tell them no. There have been times where my friends were acting like idiots so I had to handle my business and tell them all to get out or fuck off or whatever. They didn't want to hear it but I brought it to physicality when necessary and other times I just yelled loud enough that they left. I highly doubt they would have taken you hostage in your own house, so you really had nothing to lose.


    I remember a guy who was in a group of friends that I was part of on and off during high school. His name was Joey. Basically, all the other guys encouraged Joey to hang out with them even though time and time again, they would do really mean stuff to him. They stole his money, beat him up, and basically made fun of him all the time. You know why Joey kept hanging out with them anyway? because he didn't know how to take control of a situation and he let people manipulate him. You are letting people manipulate you whether you want to accept it or not. Get your shit together and learn how to yell and push people back. IMO that's the only way you'll stop being like Joey.

    You're being manipulated and walked on... It's not that you like it, it's just that you've come to accept this kind of thing as normal and you feel as though there's nothing you can do to overcome it. It's almost like the battered wife who believes her husband's abusiveness is his way of showing that he loves her... She doesn't love the abuse, but she might try to justify his behavior that way because she's too scared to face the truth: that she is being controlled and she is not doing anything about it. I can't blame her or you in either situation, because it is a tough thing to overcome... But you need to learn how to take care of yourself.

    Things that I would do if I were you:

    1) cut off all contact from those guys
    2) if they contact you or come to your house, be pushy. Tell them you don't want to talk to them anymore because they are assholes. Naturally they will try to manipulate their way into your life again, but you NEED to understand they are using you and trying to manipulate you. Basically, any time someone tries to reason you into doing something that you don't feel like doing, you need to recognize what's happening and immediately shut them down. Tell them NO! and mean it.
    3) when you make new friends, make sure they aren't assholes.


    Keep in mind my experiences having to go up against a group of guys I knew and the Joey kid were in high school. The fact that you are an adult and this is happening is unacceptable. You need to take control dude plain and simple.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2008
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think the question is, can you fully establish your own life if you have a roommate? NO , or in other words , this stuff will just keep going on until you find a room for you yourself alone. I think you should do your best not to get near any people who you do not want to be involved with. Is there a possibility for you to move out to a new location where you can live on your own? I mean you are constantly looking for peace, and i believe your current location cannot provide such a thing.
     
  10. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I honestly did not think I had to be involved with my roommates. Did not think going out to bars or parties with them was a requirement. Why do I have to chill with their friends? I have been over to friends houses where their roommates just say hi and go back to what they were doing.

    Oh and 3 of the 6 I was never friends with. Also, I have new friends and constantly make new friends. Thats what cause the entire problem to begin with is that I didn't want to bring them with me over to my new friends place..

    Oh, and if you think I am scared to get into a fight you are wrong. I was in one not to long ago and now have permanent damage . The thing is getting charged with assault is a very bad thing.
     
  11. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    Ok. In that case, I think DE is right you should find a new place to live without a roommate.
     
  12. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I could not move out until Jan and it is not that am anti social or don't get along with roommates. It is just this is bullshit as I have never seen anyone give a flying fuck about what their roommate is doing.
     
  13. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    You don't have to get an assault charge in order to get your point across. Obviously these people are a bunch of annoying losers but you can tell them to quiet down when you're sleeping or tell them to leave when they bang on your door or come over uninvited. Who cares if it's your roommates friends, you are the one that lives there not them... you get the final say and don't let anybody else tell you otherwise.

    You shouldn't let your anger turn into physical force but rather verbal persistence and authority. Demonstrate your true feelings.
     
  14. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Some houses look for roommates who can join their group while others don't care at all. Just be up front with new potential roommates about how you pretty much do things on your own.
     
  15. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I really should have moved in with people I did not know so I could start a new life instead of hold onto this.
     
  16. Redsand426

    Redsand426 Active Member

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    It's obvious your friend and his buddies were jealous that you were going to a party and they were stuck back at the house with shit to do.

    Next time, politely tell them that you were invited to a coworker's party and don't want to bring a bunch of strangers with you. If they can't understand that, then they are twats and should be told to fuck off.

    PS. your so called "friend" is a douche
     
  17. Srdjan

    Srdjan Guest

    They obviously get a kick out of your reaction, hence why they keep ragging on you. You need to realize that it's ok to put your friends in their place when they step outta line.
     
  18. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I know not talking to any of them is just going to make things worse. It is what I want to do though.
     
  19. Nitin

    Nitin OT Supporter

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    Your friends seem like a bunch of assholes.
     
  20. csimptuc

    csimptuc Bob Sapp says "haaay"

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    Just don't overreact. Everyone's right when saying those guys just want a reaction. I get that you aren't being anti-social. Sometimes you just want to do your own thing. If anything, under-react. Act like it doesn't bother you even if it does, which I'm sure is the case. They're not worth it, and neither is your sanity.
     

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