How can I make other people feel smart?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ballerman230, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. ballerman230

    ballerman230 just a pale blue dot

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    I guess I have a tendency to make other people feel dumb in conversation. I'm pretty sure I would hate someone who acted like I do since I wouldn't know that person's actual intentions. While it doesn't seem to be a big deal to people who I've talked to about it, who knows how many potential friends/girls I'm missing out on?
    I know my speaking vocabulary is larger than most peoples, but I'm assuming it has more to do with my body language and general attitude. I inform myself about a huge assortment of topics and I feel like with that comes the baggage that I feel more generally informed than other people.
    Lately, I've been trying to curb this by pretending to be ignorant about some things and trying to coax other people to speak more without interjecting even if I know they're wrong. Social situations with new people I meet have seemed to go smoother this way, but I feel like this change is too superficial to be lasting.
    Any thoughts/suggestions?
     
  2. ilearned2talk

    ilearned2talk herro prease

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    i used to be the same way, you just have to learn to control what you say and how you act. even if you know someone's wrong about something trivial, just let it slide and don't give it thought or worry at all. change your focus, ignore it because it doesn't really matter. reserve your skills for universally declared philosophical discussions or whatever, for the most part in social situations people dont want to analyze shit about politics or religion or anything that is too deep..
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You are probably like me in that you don't even realize you are doing it.

    Haha. I know the feeling. But you don't always have to use big words. In fact, most of the time, the same meaning can be conveyed by using "regular" words. The only time you really have to use big words is if it's the only word that will describe something.

    I'm going to assume that, because you have a large vocabulary, you get annoyed when other people use words incorrectly. Am I right? Like if someone uses "whom" incorrectly, you get pissed off. Haha. Because here's what goes through your head: "I bet that person thinks they're so smart for saying 'whom.' But the joke's on them, they didn't even use it correctly!" And then you probably get more pissed because you think that the other people who are around you are thinking that person is so smart for saying "whom," and they're too stupid to know that he used it wrong, too! Am I right? :rofl:

    Yes. You probably give off arrogant, elitist vibes. I do. I'm working hard on changing this.

    So you're saying that you don't find conversation with most people to be interesting or stimulating. Right?

    Agreed.

    It's lonely at the top :rofl:
     
  4. ilearned2talk

    ilearned2talk herro prease

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    it is lonely at the top but you can meet people in the middle. you have to search yourself and shape your motives toward what you really want to achieve. swallow a bit of pride and it will be much easier.
     
  5. ballerman230

    ballerman230 just a pale blue dot

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    Haha, well I don't think I'm exactly like you Falconer. I don't get annoyed when people use words incorrectly--though I do when its clear that they're trying to sound smart and it just ends up sounding clumsy, so I guess that's close to what you said.
    I'm genuinely interested in at least hearing what anyone has to offer in a conversation. The "baggage" refers to the feeling that what I can offer back is generally more credible and valuable, if I deem that person's input flimsy.
    And while we may be at the top along some axes, I certainly feel inferior along the interpersonal communication axis.
     
  6. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    what the fuck is wrong with you people? You don't have to DUMB DOWN your speech for people. you just have to learn not to be a prick and make large sweeping judgments on people if they aren't academics. Being smart and a good speaker is ATTRACTIVE, very fucking attractive, why would you ever want to mitigate that?

    You can be intelligent, you can exude that through your every pore, you just have to learn how not to use that as a criterion for "I'm better than you as person". That's the main problem, you use intelligence, however you define it, as a metric for judging people's worth as a human being. And that is retarded.
     
  7. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    also you're probably not as smart as you think. You would be off in a yacht somewhere, not on OT, if you actually were.
     
  8. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I often have the same problem... I think its about gaging what the persons interests are, and instead of talking and spouting opinions, its about asking open ended questions and finding out what their beliefs/opinions are. Or taking a more proactive approach in general, if you are talking about a topic, making sure to ask what they think or believe...

    This is my friend, you shouldn't have to go too far to change who you are to please others, if you enjoy articulating yourself then by all means, find a crowed that can appreciate your breadth of knowledge and desire to express/share it. By all means they are out there :)
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    That's a pretty ignorant statement.
     
  10. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    yeah keep thinking that :rofl:
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Intelligence != wealth or success in business.

    I think I read people of average intelligence (bellcurve) are the most successful in business.

    There are some geniuses who end up making bank directly because of their intelligence (I'm thinking like the quant guys at hedge funds), but for the most part, success in business, and therefore financial success, is directly related to your interpersonal skills, which are typically lower in higher IQ people. *puts flamesuit on*

    There are high school dropouts in Mensa.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2007
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :mamoru: This made me think of Falconer.
     
  13. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    dot.

    just stop being a fucking douchebag and thinking you're better than everyone. then you won't act like one.
     
  14. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    what makes you think the people you talk to want to "feel smart" while around you?

    maybe they like you for who you are; maybe you're over analyzing things.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Do what Falconer has done (in the past). Post your beliefs/thoughts here, and we'll rip them apart and bring you down to reality.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: Oh Falconer
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    What can I say? Being high IQ means I have shitty social intelligence and I need the Vag's help with that :bigthumb:
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Everyone likes to talk about themselves....so help them do that.

    Ask questions about the other person and what's going on in their life. Resist the urge to relate your own, similar experiences when they share but do try keep the topic going with what they are talking about. When the topic turns back to you, be modest but then look for ways to turn the conversation back to the other person.

    Now don't just grill them with 100s of questions but you can get them talking by asking about their life, work, family, car, job...whatever. Just get them talking about themselves and make a conscious effort to minimize the talk about you.

    You might be amazed at how this simple technique works.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Resist the urge to do this. In fact, it's prolly best if you wait for them to ask you what you think about something before offering your opinion.....especially when in the past, you sound like you just shoved your opinion down their throats whether they wanted to hear it or not.
    I don't care who you are, there is always someone smarter than you.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    He's saying he feels socially inferior because he's very intelligent, which is probably an accurate assessment.
     
  21. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

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    you dont have to be less smart to have more friends.

    but if you want to follow the shitty advice, i say, just go for the gold. just become retarded. how many friends do you see downs syndrome kids walking around with? at LEAST maybe one. thats your goal, buddy. get you some downs syndrome, then you'll be living the good life and talking about American Idol with your home boys.
     
  22. ballerman230

    ballerman230 just a pale blue dot

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    Hey, note that I never called myself smart. I just said I tend to make other people feel dumb (and I know this not because I think I'm smart, but because I've been told that). I did say I have a decent breadth of knowledge/vocabulary, but I totally agree with you when you say that kind of thing is hardly a measure of someone's worth.

    Thank you all for the practical advice. A friend recommended that I should watch ESPN for 30 minutes a day? I used to be big into sports until I was about 15 but grew out of it, and it seems like a really easy thing to talk to any guy about.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That doesn't make any sense to me. People with high IQ's aren't necessarily ambitious or full of drive.
     
  24. Taker

    Taker 找死吗?

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    try to just stick to the topic and the point of the conversation
     
  25. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Don't correct or criticize.

    Ask questions about subjects in which they're knowledgeable and passionate.

    Be interested and give approval.
     

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