SRS How can I help someone if they REFUSE to admit they have a problem?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Accord, Sep 13, 2004.

  1. Accord

    Accord New Member

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    Here's the story, i'll try and make it short. My father is a lunatic, he has put my mother and I through absolute hell for the 19 years that I have been on this earth. He has a very serious anger problem to the point where you would suspect there is some sort of mental problem. His father (my grandfather) was very abusive (physically and verbally) towards him when my father was a kid and his father was later diagnosed with bipolar disease. I hate my father, I have not called him "dad" in probably 10 years, I call him by his first name. He has the most erratic mood swings, one minute he can be perfectly fine laughing and the next second out of nowhere he'll just blow up acting crazy and yelling.

    My father has started many businesses and he's a brutal businessman, I would never want to be on the other end of a negotiating table with him, he's the biggest asshole ever and he thinks that he is god's gift to the world and anytime someone gets upset with him his response will be some very arrogant and egotistical thing like "i'm a success in this world, i'm a self made blah blah blah I have a right to do whatever I want" and you can't even have a reasonable conversation with him, it's either HIS way or NO way. My father is sadistic, if someone in the business world pisses him off he will vow to "make them homeless" even though he probably doesn't mean it, but that's not the point.

    He is sick and there is something very wrong with him, he will go on these bizarre shopping sprees buying hundreds of dollars of things we don't need or would ever even use, this has become almost a weekly occurance. He thinks he's better than everyone just because of the car he drives, well sure a lot of people think highly of themselves but he takes it to an entirely new level. He is verbally abusive towards myself and my mom, they have been divorced and re-married at least 4-5 times and I honestly couldn't even tell you if they are married right now or not. The only reason my mom keeps going back is because of the money, she's a nurse and nurses don't make much money.

    A few years ago my mom and I were living by ourselves in a small 1 story house and we were both very happy but money was very very tight... so she went back to him even though I didn't want to. If my dad yells or calls me some pretty disgusting name that NO son should ever have to hear, a few hours later he'll just come up to me like everyone is normal and i'll just not even respond then he'll start poking me or something stupid like that trying to get me to laugh thinking i'll just forgive him and we'll move on. Everyone on the outside world thinks that we are the ideal family with a white picket fence, sometimes i'll hear him on the phone with someone from his business and he'll say something like "yes john, i'll be right outside to play catch with you in the back yard" (I am john by the way) even though he was under the impression I wasn't even there hearing it, he just says shit like that to other people from business to make them think like he's the perfect father, the only thing he's good for is putting a roof over my head, he thinks that money fixes everything and that could not be anymore wrong. My mom just had some dental procedure with a route canal thing which ended up costing like $3000 and he said he would pay for it but then a few days ago he was in a bad mood and out of nowhere just said that he refuses to pay for it because he doesn't feel like it even though it's pocket change to him, he's absolutely sadistic.

    Well enough of my rambling, basically the gist of all this is that I believe he has some sort of mental disorder and have been doing a lot of research over the past weeks and I am completely 100000% absolutely convinced that my father has bi-polar disorder. He exhibits every single sympton of bi-polar disorder and one of my mom's cousins is a doctor and he said from what i've told him it sounds like my father has bi-polar disorder, with medication it can easily be controlled and all of the negativity, the yelling, the egotistical behavior, the bizarre shopping sprees, etc. will stop and he'll just be something that I wish he was all along: normal.

    I have tried talking to my father about this asking him to please see a doctor but he won't even listen to me, I approach him in a very loving and caring manner speaking softly so he won't erupt and he'll just tell me to shutup and he'll say some shit like "you have no authority to talk down to me like that after all ive done for you" even though all I want him to do is see a doctor and get some help. I told him that if he sees a doctor I will forgive him for everything he's ever done or said to my mom and I and he just explodes yelling crazy refusing to admit that he has a problem, he thinks that he is completely normal and that everyone else are the ones who have problems, he REFUSES to admit it.

    My question to everyone here is this: how can I just get him to simply see a doctor and get some help? My mom and I can't go on living like this any more, i'm in college and could have gone to a really good school out of state but I specifically decided to just go to a local college so I could live at home because I don't trust my dad to be living alone with my mom and my mom won't stick up for herself and tries to pretend like everything is OKAY when it's really not, so I feel like I have to go to college locally so I can stay home and monitor things. So anyways, how can I get my father to go see a doctor and get some help?

    Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated... and please no flaming.
     
  2. Offroadin

    Offroadin She begged me to give her a cleveland steamer

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    Wow..Seriously, I can relate to EVERYTHING in that post..I just have learned to put up with it even though it is very very VERY hard at times..Sometimes I could seriously cry it hurts so bad because of some of the things he says/does, but I get through it somehow..Im not sure if my father is on any type of medication for it, but I really think he needs to be and I know if I said anything I would get screamed at and grounded or w/e..I am going through the same thing as you and It is hurting my mom just as much as me..I guess the best thing you can do is find a way to talk to your dad about it or just put up with it like I do..Good luck man
     

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