SRS how can i help my roommate?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by solarian, Apr 19, 2007.

  1. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    she is stuck in a really strange relationship.

    she has her boyfriend whipped, but the guy thinks he is madly in love.
    recently there has been a lot of trust issues between the two. they have probably broken up around 15 times within the 4 months, and I just get to sit here and see everything go down.

    Everytime she breaks up with him, since he never broke up with her. he begins crying and gets extrememly physical with her, he will throw her on her bed, hold her down, or even pin her against the wall, while he is crying and talking to her with an angry pissed off tone.

    Just within the last week, she found out that he cheated on her. she at first wasn't sure about anything and believe his side of the story, how they just kissed and fulled around. She felt sorry for him because she thought she went overboard when she found out. he came back here the same night and slept with her. My roommate then found out the next day that he really did cheat on her. and has continued seeing the girl and kissing her since he had sex with the other girl.

    my roommate now is still with him, she has some small bruises on her arms from him getting angry at her after she found out he really did cheat on her.

    they are convinced that they are in "love" this cannot be a healthy relationship. what should i do as a friend?

    btw she is only 17 and he is 18.
     
  2. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Tell her what you think! Be hoenst and thats the best that you can do!
     
  3. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    i did tell her how i felt.

    i told her that im scared that she will get punched by him.
    everytime she wants him out of our apartment, since he is a bum and doesnt pay rent, and just stays here all the time. he wont leave, he will never leave, he crys and asks her why she is doing this to him while he is holding her.
     
  4. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I think maybe someone should be called like the police at that time or have another "guy" figure there while he is there when she asks him to leave and if he doesn't escort him out yourself!
     
  5. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    well i am a guy. my roommate is like my little sis.

    i have made him leave before, but now he is much more violent to others.

    he is mentally unstable, he has stopped seeing his family and friends since they started going out, he only wants to be around her at all times.

    last time i tried to help him out, he almost swung at me. i just lost my job and im looking for a new one, im not trying to get my faced hammered in before i go to an interview.

    i told her mom about everything, since she lives right down the street pretty much. I have even called the police before, but he always left before i would give them the address.
     
  6. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I would walk in the other wooma nd call the cops.

    Personally I wouldn't even say anything to him. Just clock his ass one good hard one.

    If you can't take him, hit him with a big a pan or something!
     
  7. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    its very hard to get physical with him, he is stronger than me and sometimes she doesnt want me to try and get involved.

    i have tried to just sit back and do nothing, but i most of the time get into it since i hate sitting and hearing her get sucked back into the relationship.


    i want her to solve the problem herself. since ill be moving out soon, but i dont want her to be stuck in this relationship before i leave
     
  8. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Well, you know that you can't control her feelings and if that's what she wants then that's it. There's going to be nothing that you will be able to do about that. the only thign I would say is sit her down and maybe put your friendship on it so she knows how serious you are. That might not be a good thing to do. You have to look into this with a chance that she might choose him over you in the lomg run! This just happened to me. it fucking sucks but thats life! You can't control someone elses feelings!
     
  9. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    thanks man, i have honestly thought about it.

    i might just do what you pulled.
    i love her, she's been there for me through a lot, and has been a good friend.

    we almost died together, nasty car accident, flipped my car four times.

    i don't want to see her like this.
     
  10. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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    If I had a roommate who was a femm and he got physical, he would be out of my property as fast as I could react.

    If she is scared and will back you up, kick him the fuck out when hes being like that. They can yell all they want, but when it gets physical... thats when I would step in. The rest is up to her...
     
  11. yourfather

    yourfather New Member

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    nothing good comes from f*cking with pplz relationships.

    all u gotta do is ride it out.

    and just be around to look after her if things do get physical.

    e.g. chicks that have violent husbands dont leave them until they are ready.

    if they have broken up 15 times in 4 months, it's going to end at some point
    just dont let it end at gunpoint
     
  12. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Their relationship isnt healthy and I think deep down you know that. Him getting physical with her completely unacceptable behavior. Honestly, the next time he does that kind of shit call the cops. He is physically taking advantage of her and the emotional wear and tear its putting on the both of them is only going to escalate the violence.

    Who's lease is the apartment under? If its yours kick his ass out. If its hers encourage her to do it. She will do it when she is ready however, violent relationships do not end well.

    Proceed with caution.
     
  13. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    oh i am being very careful.

    this would of been all solved already if my name was on the lease. but her mom's is. and her mom doesnt live here, im kind of helping out i guess you can say. its very complicated lots of ups and downs to each thing that goes on here.

    if i call the police, her mom can get in trouble for not living with her 17 year old daughter. im 20 and a good family friend, and i think of her like a sis.

    i have told her mom almost everything that happens here, because this wasnt happening when she did live here and wont happen when moves out and brings her daughter with her.

    my roommates mind changes often about the situation, on a day to day basis.

    im just trying to be a good friend and support and back her up, but i feel like she is being a dumbass.
     
  14. yourfather

    yourfather New Member

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    All generalizations are false: low age is not always equal to stupidity and that's why i edited this out.Darketernal
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2007
  15. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Look around. There is a reason that you can get into trouble for letting your 17 year old little girl live out in the real world.

    If you are the man of the house, act like it. If you aren't able to, get someone who can. Don't let some older guy come into this girls home and beat her down.
     
  16. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Videotape him beating her and turn it over to the cops.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I don't see how you can do anything.

    The way I see it, they have established a pattern where she breaks up with him, then he "roughs her up."

    So she knows this is what is coming (when she breaks up with him). She could choose to cut off contact and stay safe away from him during this time.

    But what does she do? She chooses to be alone with him.

    This leads me to believe she ENJOYS when he gets physical with her in this manner. It makes her excited.

    Is the roughing up generally followed by make-up sex?
     
  18. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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    Probably makes her feel in power, cause she has the ability to make someone that can hurt her physicaly cry. Having him crawl back to her every time, she prolly loves the ego boost.
     
  19. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    if worse comes to worse, he will get killed.

    her moms boyfriend has gangbanger mexicans nephews, and what not. if he does it again, he will regret it.
     
  20. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    :ugh:
     
  21. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    if anything he deserves it.
    he has lied, stole, and cheated on her.
    physically abused her multiple times, touched her while she was "sleeping'

    he said he regreted cheating on her after he slept with the other girl, yet everyday after that people at his school saw him with her making out and shit.
    :o:o
     
  22. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Gotta agree with this. You're sticking your nose in someone else's business. Unless she EXPLICITLY asks for your help, just chill out. The best thing that can happen if you get involved is that he will come after YOU for "messing up the relationship" or "turning her against me." Believe me, seen it many times...

    He needs a role model more than an ass beating.
     
  23. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    we will see what happens.
    i was friends with him kind of i guess, till all this shit happened and he stole from me.
     
  24. solarian

    solarian ya heard

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    update:

    i told her i was moving back on monday night back to my home town. at first she didn't care and said that her boyfriend was more important.

    but now she is saying that she is sorry and is willing to change a lot about our living situation....

    i kind of care, but not really.
    she has already cried about it infront of me, and is coming out with a lot of stuff i never heard her say to me before.

    what should i do?

    i am most likely going to leave, but should i give her another chance?
     
  25. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I think I would give her another chance but not while your living there.
     

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