How can I help my friend??

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BornToFly, Feb 3, 2008.

  1. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    She has been seeing this guy for not even 4 months, you can find more of the backstory here:http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3579296

    Now, the month of Jan.....they break up 5 times, I am up late last night and she comes home about 1:30am ( she has been spending lots of time there and never home anymore ) and I ask what she is doing home, she says, well, i'm single again. I ask what happend now ( remember, they have broken up now at least 6 times in probably a 3.5 week time period )and she says she just wants to go to bed and maybe she will be more talkitive tomorrow. I'm up early today and she gets up, showers and comes out to the living room with her coat, I ask where she is going, and she says back over there, I ask her why, she says shes not ready to give up yet. * UGH * This guy is treating her like crap and she keeps going back to him as soon as he calls. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions?

    Cliffs: Friend has been dating guy 4 months, they've broken up at 6 times in a months time period, he has some huge hangups, and as soon as he calls her she goes back to him.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You both can have an intervention with each other. She needs to realize her loser bf and he will never work out, and you need to be told meeting a married guy from the internet is a bad idea. The two of you make some funny roommates, that's for sure.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    she's weak, and will keep breaking up and going back to him. You probably won't be able to do shit to changer her mind, but you can put your foot down and stop allowing her to stay over every time they break up.

    Your place is not a freaking hotel...
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    They live together...
     
  5. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    I guess we can tell ourselves a lot of things to make something that is wrong sound ok. I have considered this guy a friend for over a year.

    As for my roommate, I just feel bad for her, and I did kind of unload on her that there is no way he loves her to keep doing this, and that breaking up half a dozen times in a month should show her that he isn't the one. ( I don't know many ppl who have "made it" with such on again off again tendincies. She even came back home yesterday afternoon after seeing him in the morn.....bc "she isn't ready to give up and loves him" claiming to be single again bc of things he can't look past, only to go back over there again at 5pm to try and work something out.

    I don't know why she is doing this to herself, she's never been one for drama in relationships and frankly he is treating her like total crap only to call her crying that he wants to change, only to have her go back over and have him say I can't get over this or that.

    What's worse is they have talked about moving in together a couple difft times, and I told her that there was no way I could afford the place we are on my own and I'd have to move out, and that I'd feel pretty bad if they moved in together only a couple weeks later break up.....again and she is left with trying to find someone to live with. ( she can't afford a place on her own either, a nice place at least )
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Congratulations, your friend is a normal, healthy female. You should be happy.
     
  7. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    I know ppl need to realize bad things on their own, but there are days I just want to grab her and shake some sense into her. She has always been very strong willed in the past and not put up with ppls shit. Then she meets this guy and won't let a guy who treats her badly go. I can't figure out why.

    She pays half the rent tho, even a little more than half ( she has the master bedroom )
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    What are his "hangups"? And how do you know that? Are these "hangups" things you have witnessed with your own eyes or are you going off of what your friend is telling you about him?
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Your friend has very low self confidence. She's needy and dependent, but has hid it well until this guy came along and triggered those feelings. There's no hope here. She's going to be stuck with him for a looooooooooong time.
     
  10. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    He has a very hard time dealing with things he knows she did in the past. I know this bc of what she has told me and talking with him about it as well, I had dinner with them a couple weeks ago and it came up, and I tried explaining to him that the past is just that, the past and he needs to make a decsion of weather or not he wants to be with her. If he does, he can't bring it up any longer. Then the whole I can't deal with it, yada yada. He ended up leaving that night in mid conversation. I left about 10 and she said he didn't come home till 1am. Obviously, he can't get past it and when they decide it's over, he calls her telling her.....I'm not even sure what, but she always goes back over for more. I told her it breaks my heart that she thinks she needs to deal with this guy and his issues.

    How can she love someone who has no respect for her and keeps making a big deal about the past? I also told her there was no way he loved her or it wouldn't of been an issue once, let alone a handful + times in a month.
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    This is exactly what I was thinking. I now know what type of girl your friend is. And it's no fun being in a relationship with a girl like that.

    Sure, he needs to grow a sack and end it, but how can he truly end it if her ass goes over there everytime he does while he still has feelings? The Vag is riddled with these types of guys and they all have the same story.

    Your friend is as much to blame as he is, and he is probably not the only one treating the other one like crap in this relationship.
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    oh, i see. they're only 16 years old. no worries then. once they get to college they'll go their separate ways
     
  13. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    or you could leave her alone and let her realize it herself
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  15. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    true
     
  16. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    He calls her the same day and says he wants to work things out. It's a merry go round, she goes, they talk, they act like things are fine, he says he can't deal, they break up. I'm starting to wonder if he is doing this shit on purpose to see how many times he can get her to come back.
     
  17. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    I almost wish it was that. He has a kid who is close to that age though.
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    No, he sees undesirable traits in her and wants to get away from her, but he's vested too many feelings into it and doesn't know how to pull away unless she pulls away too.

    Don't worry, it'll eventually end. But it's your friend that will finally end it, not him.
     
  19. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    She has said that she feels she will come to a breaking point, she just can't give up bc she loves him. (ugh, she has only known him a few months and tells her he can't respect her, sounds like love to me ) I've tried explaining to her that she deserves better, and that I almost see this as her on her knees begging for his fogiveness when she didn't do anything wrong. It's not like she did anything that he can't get over while they were together, so I don't know what the hell his problem is.
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    She's not done with him yet.

    My guess is that this is a huge game to her and until she feels like she's "winning", she'll keep going back to him.
     
  21. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    interesting concept. but, idk, she has shed tears over this. wouldn't you consider him telling her he can't handle stuff, just to call her back up, numerous times remember, that that is somewhat of a game on his end?
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    It's probably cat and mouse.

    I don't know, though, I have a habit of projecting my past relationships into anything that resembles them, so what do I know? :rofl:
     
  23. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That's probably why he keeps doing this. The second he submits to her she'll come to her senses and realizes that he's not what she wants at all.
     
  24. BornToFly

    BornToFly New Member

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    Holy Shit! So, this has happened again twice since this thread. Thinking over the weekend things were finally over ( which it needs to be ) he fkn calls and she goes over there to reconsile. I'm to a point where I'm worried about her, I feel like I"ve told her everything I can. He's such a dirtbag. He basically tells her that now that they are over she will go back to sleeping with everyone. Who puts up with that shit? She mentioned that he wants to talk to me to tell me his side or try and make things right, but the site of him makes me ill just knowing the stuff he says to her. :wtc:
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    sounds like you've done all you can, and she's not gonna listen. She'll have to learn the hard way I guess.

    Stay out of it. If she brings up her problems with him, tell her "we've been through this before, I have nothing new to say".
     

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