SRS How can I help my friend?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ancoats, Jul 16, 2006.

  1. Ancoats

    Ancoats New Member

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    As some of you may know, my best friend is a compulsive liar who thinks he has a dead kid - which being his best mate I know to be complete bullshit. Yet he goes around telling all his friends about it, which I consider to be sick and wierd.

    Anyway, last night I decided that this cannot continue, and managed to get a confession out of him that he never had this dead kid, but he is simply replacing a lie with another lie. I just dont know how he cannot just turn round and go 'Ben, it was a lie' like most people would do.

    Now he still lives at home with his mum, and I'm seriously considering going to her and telling her about what he has been up to, as she is probably just about the only person who can knock some sense into him. Everything else is failing so far.

    I'm guessing this is the end of our friendship too. :hsd:
     
  2. JJDiri

    JJDiri New Member

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    It may not be my place to say, but, it sure seems like he is driving you crazy with his compulsive lies. If you can't live with it [I sure as hell wouldn't be able to], you should get his mother to knock some sense into him.

    In the long run, it'll help him with other friendships of his. He may not want to be around you anymore, but it seems like you don't want anything to do with him while he is lying so compulsively. Atleast if you try to help him, there is a chance your friendship will last.
     
  3. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    sounds like he needs meds, he might have a medical condition. and its not fun for your friend either, imagine not being able to control what your saying. its not as simple as just telling the truth, he literally cant do it.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If you're a real friend, you might want to sit him down and have that one conversation where you tell him, this continuing lie is not good and is no longer fun and games.

    Suggest he see a counselor to talk about this.

    This is likely to be more productive than just ratting him out to his mum, which will probably result in a long lecture/screaming/etc and making his home life very uncomfortable and will make him either leave or simply drive his pathological tendencies in another direction. I.e., the lie will be dropped, but whatever is compulsing him to keep telling it....will simply pop out again in a different lie, or a different behaviour altogether.

    So negative pressure from the mom isn't really a long-term solution that's good for his mental wellbeing.

    But might stop the lie from being told. And that would make you happy...right?


    So what's more important to you. Your happiness.....or his?
    How good of a friend are you? Let's find out.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Your friend is lying for a reason. You have NOT tried to understand that reason and have simply jumped to the conclusion that you SHOULD FORCE a change in his behavior by any means necessary. That is rediculous and you are in the wrong. IMO you are also not acting like any sort of "friend" here.

    Who says your friend needs some sense knocked into him??? This is on the same level of thinking that some of my old friends used to operate on by saying so and so (usually another of our friends) really needs to get his ass kicked. That's rediculous and never fixes anything....it only causes more harm and emotional wounds that need healing.

    If you are truly this guys friend then try to understand why he's doing what he's doing. Stop judging his behavior. True friends accept each other....character flaws and all.

    IMO you need to stop judging and trying to correct the behaviors that you deem wrong and understand what's really going on here. Even when you understand, that's still no reason to try and correct his behavior. He will have to live with the consequences of his actions, not you. Let him live his own life!! Buttout!!

    However, if you are like my old friends, you don't have the patience or the desire to do this and will instead look for other, more "perfect" people to hang out with or persist in correcting his behavior. meh...this is why I these are my "old" friends because they aren't friends at all.
     

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