SRS How can I convince my ex to leave me alone

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Rumpelstiltskin, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    Well I broke up with my ex girlfriend about 6 months ago and couldn't be happier. When we broke up I told her I don't ever want to talk to her again. I didn't want to be friend and I didn't want her in my life at all. Yet every few weeks or so she sends me a message online. I have always tried to remain calm and respectful with her but she just wont go away. This is the most current example of what goes on:

    It starts off nice but remember this is months after telling her to go way.

    EX: I heard that you are going to visit *mutual friend* pretty soon. Just wanted to say hi and have a safe trip. Say hi to *friend's baby* for me. I really wish we could talk, I miss talking to you.

    Me: Um why are you even contacting me? I told you not to. I don't want a person like you in my life. You will just bring me down to where I was when I was with you. That little boy is gone now. I've grown up a lot now and I can see now what you did to me and how poorly you treated me. I am much too strong and smart for that. All you did is to lie to me and manulipate me.

    I said in the letter I want NOTHING to do with you at all. If I ever want that to change I will let you know. But don't expect it ever. I know this message is a little harash but this is at least the 5rd time you have disrespected me and it needs to stop NOW. The simple fact you still can't respect what I need and disregard my feelings for your own proves to me you are unable to be a friend. I don't understand why you want to talk to me with what you did to me anyway.

    This is our FINAL good bye. Please respect me for once.

    bye

    Ex: I am contacting you because I want to contact you. Don't sit there and try to say that you have grown up and say "the little boy is gone" because I can see just from this message that he isn't. Don't think that you can talk to me the way you do. I did nothing but try to be friendly. I thought since we have known each other for almost 5 years and shared 4 of them with one another, that maybe you'd like to be friends some day. There is no reason for you to be so rude. Just because I want to have a polite and friendly conversation doesn't mean I am disrespecting you. Who do you think you are? Just because you are finally doing something with your life and you finally have a good job doesn't give you the right to think that you are "too smart and too strong" to talk to me. The truth is you don't even know me or who I am anymore. If we never speak again, then I do hope you have a good life, even with as rude as you are to me. Have fun on your birthday.

    Me: I am not fighting with you. It is not something you can make me do anymore. You can act all innocent and pretend that you know me but the fact is that you don't. If you read my message you should be able to tell that I am not acting childish and lashing out at you. However it is clear you still do that by even responding and not respecting my request.

    I don't want you in my life. Looking back you caused a lot of pain and problems. I did enjoy the time we had but lets face it you lied to me often and cheated on me. Someone like that is not a person I want to assiocate with no matter how long I have know them. I am stonger and smarter now not becasue of my job but how I am in complete control of my life and the directin I am headed. My life is in my hands alone and I love it. My emotions don't control me anymore (stronger) and I know what kind of people I want in my life (smarter).

    I don't want you to bring *mutual friend* into this. She isn't someone to run to because you are angry with me. She is a great mutual friend who doesn't deserve to be in the middle of whatever you are trying to do.

    I have been very respectful and forgiving to you while we were together and even afterwards when you very quickly crushed me. But even with that I have been nice in my requests to respect that I am distancing myself from you and how you treated me. I have never swore or spoke with anything but a calm nature to you. Ask yourself if you can say the same thing. I did tell you that maybe one day we can be friends but I don't know if or when that will happen.

    All I asked of you since you picked up your stuff from my house is for you to leave me alone. But yet you wont respect it. It doesn't matter if you think it will be pleasant or nice conversations I just don't want to have it with you. Thank you for the happy bithday and I hope yours was good as well.

    Now please just respect this last thing I ask and just let me go. Even our friendship is over now as hard as that may be for you. It is unfortunate but I didn't cause it I only walked away.

    If you could please not respond to this. I would greatly appricaite that.

    Live your life to the fullest, and enjoy it with people you love. Good Bye *ex*.

    I have tried being nice and I would hate to have to block her from stuff online. Doing something like that just seems so highschool but I need her out of my life. It is like she can't let go and she is already with someone else. She knows I am the kind of person who feels guilty and is very forgiving. Which is why I was even with her after she cheated on me. I feel like she is either just trying to fuck with my head to piss me off or work her way into my life becasue mine is going somewhere. I have tried ignoring her and trying to reason with her but nothing works. If anyone has any ideas I would appriciate them.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2008
  2. North§tar

    North§tar Guest

    you can block people with most messaging programs.

    i find it best to just ignore contact from exes you don't want to talk to. if you really don't want to talk to her, then don't respond--they'll get over it. if you don't mind small talk, then keep it to that.

    whatever you do, don't get pissed/crazy/upset at their attempts to contact you. that's just empowering them again even though the relationship has passed.
     
  3. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    I didn't want to have to resort to something so dumb as to block her. She is 21 and I am 22. I thought we could act like mature adults and leave each other alone. One of my good friends who knows her told me the same thing about getting upset. I try to not let it get to me but it gets harder to remain nice to her every time.
     
  4. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    restraining order worked a charm for me :rofl:
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    This is where you're supposed to meet up, revenge fuck her, and then toss her out on her ass. Only then will she get the message.
     
  6. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    :rofl: would be funny and I think I would need one if I didn't like 2500 miles away now. She lives in West Virgina and I am in Washington now so no worries about a stalker :wiggle:. Its a good thing too shes the jealous type and I've met some good women here :naughty:.

    I wouldn't want to revenge fuck her anymore. Sounds mean but she let herself go... But having sex with her younger sister would of been good.
     
  7. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    lol, she's kinda right. you obviously haven't grown up because she's pulling you into her bs.

    block her and move on, it's not immature, it's logical.
     
  8. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I fully agree. Blocking her ISN'T dumb.

    Get caller ID. Just stop picking up the phone when you see her number.
    If you do pick up the phone and it is her just simply say to her, 'I don't ever want to talk to you again.' and HANG UP ON HER.

    Don't have a discussion with her about ANYTHING EVER.
    ARGUING WITH HER QUALIFIES AS A DISCUSSION.

    Anytime you pick up the phone and hear her voice the dial tone should be no longer then 15 seconds away.

    If you do this faithfully for 2 weeks and she still keeps calling then I would CONSIDER a restraining order.

    If she where to start showing up at places where you frequent (especially if she didn't frequent those places before you broke up with her) I would consider a restraining order.
    If there is a place where both of you always frequented then you are just gonna have to stop going there.
    IF YOU EVER SEE HER DRIVING BY YOUR HOUSE GO AFTER A RESTRAINING ORDER.
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Ex-girlfriends are easy to get rid of. Throw mail away if sent by snail mail or e-mail. Block AIM, ICQ, YIM, MSN, OT PM, OT viewing, block them on whatever other websites they may be on that your on, don't answer the phone when they call (Screen calls). Hang up on them if they do call, and simply stop communicating with them. If you see them in public, avoid them.

    She was friendly, but I would still -- given what you've reported -- simply block her.

    This was foolish. You obviously aren't interested in the end result that you claim to want to create, which is to not have her in your life, nor to communicate or see her. Yet you violate your own request. Very foolish.

    Telling her to respect you is absolutely foolish at this point. That's what breaking up was for, because she obviously didn't respect you -- at least based on what you feel. So why would you expect her to start now? Silly, really. Get your head on straight chief and take repsonsibility, you take control, don't leave it up to her. You block her and stop feeding the machine like a moron.
    You're being an arrogant dick too, which only stirs the pot further.

    Oh shocking, she's upset with your response!? Of course she is, you were acting like an idiot saying the things you did. Haven't you heard "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all?" -- why did you even respond to her? You're feeding the troll!

    She doesn't have to make you, you willingly play the victim when you're not the victim. You're the one turning this into a tragedty. She shouldn't be reading "any" messages from you, since you shouldn't be responding. It's a control thing with you.

    Not acting smarter or in more control. You're giving up control to her, expecting her to "stop the conversations." It's a power struggle with you. Clearly you haven't let go and you have a lot of things you want to say to her unconsciously. So now you're lashing out and telling her how you feel, all the while blaming her for doing what you're actually responsible for. You're trying to get revenge and to make her pay for what she did.

    Now she is in the middle, because you brought this up.

    You're punishing her, that's what this is about. You haven't forgiven her. In-fact you let her walk all over you, that's why you're behaving this way now.

    Passive aggressive. You need to decide whether you want to punish her, or be "done" with her, you can't have both, otherwise you look like a jackass and you'll make yourself miserable. Either stop talking to her and then blaming her for it, or punish her and just tell her how you really feel. You're not a victim, you're acting like a whiney bitch. Be direct and say exactly what you feel if you're going to talk at all. Saying how you feel does not mean "blaming", it means saying "I felt abused, or I felt angry when this happened." -- you keep saying you, you, you and then wonder why she replies back the way she does.

    Put a stop to this immaturity.

    You let her go!

    YOU stop responding!

    More passive aggressive bullshit. Don't talk to her like she's a retard, just stop talking to her.

    That's where you're wrong. You're doing the reverse. What you're doing is immature. Blocking her "is" mature, effective, and creates the end result you want.

    Which is very inappropriate. You need to grow up. Mature people don't forgive when forgiveness is not warranted. They take care of their own needs and don't forgive until they've processed everything while alone. Then they forgive, but they never forget. And why are you feeling guilty? The only thing you're guilty of as far as I can see is being the typical whiney "nice guy" who really isn't all that nice. You allow others to take advantage of you, and you put yourself into situations which you're responsible for. You don't drive your car through compton and start yelling "Niggers" if you don't want them shooting you. You're the type of guy who would get shot and then say "Stupid niggers didn't respect me."

    What do you expect?!

    Ok, she cheated on you, fine, she was wrong, but you are the one not letting go, do you understand? You need to process your anger and let yourself be very angry. But you're handling it inappropriately.

    Yeah I have ideas, but I'm not quite sure you're willing to do the right thing. I think you're more interested in antagonizing her and then blaming her when she responds. You haven't succeeded in ignoring her because you really don't want to ignore her, you want to punish her passive aggressively and you're acting like a pussy. Be direct, don't blame, don't yell, but be very firm in stating how you feel, and then block the person! Don't be arrogant, condscending, don't write paragraphs, just write a few sentences, sum up everything, and let go! And for christ sakes, don't forgive her! Let that happen "AFTER" you've dealt with your feelings and your anger, which will take awhile, even after blocking her.

    You mean something so smart.

    A mature adult doesn't continue to respond when they feel they're being harrassed. Yes, I'm talking about you.

    Because you keep letting it happen again and again. Personal responsibility, hello?
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Proof that you're trying to punish her. And at 2,500 miles away she might as well be right next door, so how the hell have you not succeeded in ignoring her? I know why, because you don't want to.
    You truly are immature.
     
  11. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    Ok well it seems that I was wrong about even responding to her. I will take the advice given to me and just block her to keep her out of my life.

    Metallic Blue... the sex with her sister thing was a joke. Her sister was like my sister for years. Even she would of known that if she read it. But anyway you gave me a long and detailed response so thank you.
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're welcome. Now remember, my criticism isn't about you as a person, but rather your behavior in respect to her. The behavior needs to change, but otherwise you're a good guy.

    You'll save yourself a lot of drama in the future by taking my advice.
     
  13. Noparking

    Noparking Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    after I broke up with last girlfriend of 4 years on and off it sounds like we kinda went through the same thing. it took time for her to quit calling or texting me. what it ended up coming down to was her lying and trying to tell me that she was pregnant, which backfired in her face... due to the fact that she wasn't even in the country when she would of gotten impregnated (that filthy fucking whore) after that happened. I didn't go about doing the nice thing anymore. i told her never wanted to speak with her ever again and that i didn't deserve to be treated the way she had treated me over the past 4 years. Now that I look back on it I would say the reason they keep trying to contact you is because they have finally realized how badly they have fucked up a good thing and they would do anything to try to fix things.
     
  14. OccamvanRijn

    OccamvanRijn I am not what I am

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    This is exactly right. Just block her, it's not immature if it's for your own well-being. And hey, she'll get over you faster if she can't rope you in, so if you care about her at all it's a good choice on that side as well.
     
  15. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    just block her, then she will be out of your life.... this is such an attn whore thread
     
  16. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    I had the same thing happen to me recently and with the help of some of the people here I finally had to block the girl I was seeing. I told her last week that I was tired of being disrespected and didn't need that anymore and that if she wanted to be friends with me still she needed to show me more respect. I also told her I wouldn't be her backup guy like she wanted. So I didn't talk to her for a week and then out of the blue she contacts me saying she is sandwiched between two guys on the couch and she admitted to doing that just to see my reaction. Basically she disrespected me again and showed how childish she was so I had no choice much like you don't. Block her and move on with your life. Talking back to her is only giving her the power she craves and shows that she is still in control of your emotions.

    I do agree they come back partly due to the fact that they know they fucked up something that was possibly really good but for the most part they just want to know that you still care about them. Let her go it takes time to get over the loss of feelings but it will happen in time. Stay strong and stay resolved. You don't need someone like that in your life.
     
  17. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    Ok why would you even come to the Asylum and post this? This is the forum to come get adivce from people. Why don't you stick to the main forum.

    Well after taking the advice she is blocked and I hope gone for good. I can really see what you guys were telling me about responding to her giving her power over me. Now it's time to take the past relationship and not fall into the same patterns with the next one.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Stop acknowledging her exisence completely.

    /thread
     
  19. Darth_Kelly

    Darth_Kelly Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual.

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    .
    I had an ex like that... it's just because she's insecure and needs you.
    Just block her, if she finds a way around that, just ignore her. Don't try to reason with her, it's not worth it.
     
  20. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    That was my problem. I was trying to reason with the unreasonable. She already tried to contact me again but was quickly blocked. Thanks for all the advice I would done something dumb like trying to reason with her again.
     
  21. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    If you really want to get rid of her, you would've stopped answering her phone calls.
     

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