SRS How badly did I fuck this up?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Docter Pepper, Aug 22, 2008.

  1. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    So i've had an on and off relationship with this girl for 4 years now. I broke her heart after the first year when we broke up. Then a couple years later we're both 21 going to the same bars. Last year this led to us hooking up frequently. In April she asked if I saw her in her future and i said no. She said she didn't see a future without me :hs: So at the beginning of the summer while we have some time apart I reevaluate our relationship and I decide to try to get back together with her. I plan a vacation for us and even payed for the whole thing. She consulted all of her girlfriends and none of them think it's because i'm planning on dating her again.

    She goes on study abroad for half the summer and ends up meeting a guy from our school. They end up dating and are now bf/gf. I didn't know of any of this. So i get back to town a couple days before our trip is to begin. Her friend told me the new guy was just a friend from class. So while on vacation she explains how she's dating him. I explain to her how I wanted to get back together with her. We fool around and get back from the trip. I told her how I feel and she seemed mixed. She likes me, but likes the new guy she is currently seeing. fuck. poor planning and indecisiveness on my part fucked it all up. Do i have any chance of getting back with her? I'm pretty sure i'm just on deck to bat at this point so I should probably just move on :hs:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You had your chance and you blew it.

    And think about it, in your heart you didn't want her the first few times. That's an obvious NO into her face, my question therefore is : do you even want her? If so what are your motives behind it, are they clean motives, or just having her as a sex toy? It leaves much to be wondered and desired about.

    I'll be honest with you, I see it like this.The first time you've meet you disliked her in your heart. I believe there will always be this dislikement, so even if you two get together again, a part of you will always dislike certain features that you despised when you first met her.

    I honestly don't think that its healthy to go on with her, its rocky to begin with, and besides she's in another relationship so im raising a red flag here.

    You lost this fish Move on into trying to catch a new one =)
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Stop fucking with this girl.


    Move on and find another woman.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2008
  4. JustinAY

    JustinAY New Member

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    Wait, she has a boyfriend and went on a vacation with you and you guys fooled around? I wonder what excuse she told her boyfriend....the way I see it, shes a huge scumbag and you probably are too.
     
  5. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    What? We had a solid relationship for the first year of school. As summer approached little things were starting to annoy me, but I was going to give the summer apart to see what happened. Then the week before school let out she started hounding me about "what was different," "what's changed," etc. I tired to just brush them off to wait for summer but eventually I told her I didn't think it was working and we ended it. I took the fall semester off so I didn't even see her from may till January. When I returned to school her friend told me she was crazy about me and I should avoid her and not do anything with her. I listened to her friend and did just that.

    Last fall we started going to the same bars and hooking up. That led to us actually going to the bars together. It wasn't just for sex though. Probably half the time she came over we just would watch a movie and sleep together. We always had a good time together, but in the back of my mind I kept telling myself I shouldn't get back together with her because since it failed once it would probably fail again

    Once this summer started and life slowed down I thought about why I ended things with her the first time and compared them to her now. I also compared her to all of my friend's gfs and a noticed a lot of positives in her that they lacked. So i figured maybe we could try it again. I was going back home for a week in august anyway, so at the end of May I invited her to come with me because she had always wanted to come.

    Once were on the trip we sleep in the same bed. I tell her how I feel, and she tells me she has a bf but also still likes me too. We had a fun time on the trip together, but she stayed with him which makes sense.

    I guess if anything I was more surprised that she had a boyfriend. She was on 3 different trips this summer so I figured I could get away with waiting until the end of summer when I would actually get to see her to tell her how I felt. I didn't expect her to meet a guy when she spent the whole summer travelling.

    I don't regret what my actions. They could have been executed a bit better, but I'm certain I would feel worse had I never told her how I felt :o
     
  6. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    as general you treat the post from the woman's perspective, not the Original Poster :rofl:
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You know the problem with you is: You don't allow yourself to be happy.

    That's why your decision making is so akward, first you make a good decision, then you break it off because you deny yourself to be happy and when its too late you want to come back.

    My advice: Allow yourself to be happy. Ask yourself the question if you are allowing yourself to be happy, and its a matter of being honest to yourself, is your mind saying: its too good to be real? , or , i accept this happyness in my life.

    What i see is that you broke up with her for seemingly minor issues, and i think that's where the regret is coming from, its up to you to make non-regretfull decisions. But i quite honestly think this is an isolated incident because i feel she pushed you into breaking up with her.

    Anyway this has changed now, she is in a relationship so i personally don't think you should intervene in her life anymore.
     
  8. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Pretty bad. Move on.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Oh she's no prize herself. I'm actually hoping he will move on because she's just not worth it. She's just easy for him and there are plenty of other women he can get with without all that drama she brings.

    I love how you immediately jump to the conclusion though that I must be against him as if she's some delicate flower he's hurting :rolleyes: Guys like you and Tard for some reason think I'm against men, when really I get more angry responses that I'm too harsh on women...but go on with your thinking :hsugh:
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2008
  10. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    .
     
  11. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    the vacation was planned and paid for before they were together
     
  12. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    That's a good way to look at it. I always wondered if I ended it too soon. Then when we started seeing each other again I felt like it would never work so I always reminded her it wasn't a relationship. Then after spending a year telling myself (and her) that it wouldn't work, I changed my mind again. It's like I'm working against myself the entire way
     
  13. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    but the point is, she still fucked around with you while she has a BF. How can you trust her?
     
  14. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    the whole time we were together if we went to parties i'll always let her talk to other guys, even when it was apparent they wanted to take her home. I was never an overbearing boyfriend. At the bars she would flirt with other guys for drinks because she liked doing it. she still always went home with me. I realize that she just cheated on her bf with me, but i think that was mainly due to our history together over the last 4 years
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2008
  15. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    Your call with that one but I don't know how you would make it work at this point. :dunno:
     
  16. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    at this point im going to be pretty hands off. i still have some of her stuff from the trip to give back, but after that i think i won't see her that much. i hope we can still be friends and it won't be awkward to run into her/them at the bar
     
  17. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    i can't say that you did anything wrong, honestly. :dunno: i mean, props for being honest. at least you didn't lead the girl on and play with her emotions. so :bigthumb: to you.

    also...props to you for telling her how you feel. excellent job on the communication. despite this relationship not working, effective communication will not only help you in your next relationship but also in life. :)

    i don't think it's wrong to fight for what you want in life. i don't think you really have anything to lose. :) life is all about taking chances.

    so, ummm... let's go back to that part where the ex gf went on a vacation with you when she was dating another guy. imo, that's a dealbreaker right there. you shouldn't WANT to be with her if she's going to act that way. if she does it with you, she'll do it to you. :nono: and um... if i were her new bf, i'd break up with her in a heartbeat.
     
  18. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    "her girlfriends told her you just want to hook up" is her excuse for getting with this other guy. Run from her and never look back.
     
  19. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    I just waited to long to figure out how I actually felt :hs: oh well
     
  20. RedZ71

    RedZ71 Large Marge sent me.

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    Darketernal nailed it down right there. Chalk this one up to experience learned, and be prepared to not make this type of mistake the next time around.

    If you get out there it wont take you long at all to find someone that moves your heart just as well, there are too many out there to spin your wheels trying to recover this one (that is already obviously moving on to new experiences).

    good luck, and be confident!
     
  21. s1cko

    s1cko Active Member

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  22. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    She's willing to go on a vacation with you while she has a boyfriend, and then fools around ... who's to say she wont do the same to you?
     
  23. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    because she's been crazy about me for the 4 years i've known her. Even when I gave her lots of space she still always came back to me and not some other guy :hs::dunno:
     
  24. 1badbird

    1badbird New Member

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    not gonna read any other posts.....She likes assholes, this is obvious. You do all this and she isnt sure???? ignore her, tell her to go fuck herself. She'll come back.
     
  25. Docter Pepper

    Docter Pepper OT Supporter

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    i can't say if you're right or wrong. She was the 2nd person that I met at school that i still know. we got together early on. We've always fallen for each other. I think it mainly came down to my lack of commitment and her finally accepting my unwillingness to commit to her. I fucked up in the past, but timing really fucked this up
     

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